Item Description: A black top hat. When worn, any sounds made by the person wearing it is replaced by an unidentified male voice saying an onomatopoeic word based on the sound (for instance, the sound of sneezing will be replaced by the word "sneeze").
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███████, ███████
Current Status: In storage.
Item Description: A tin can labelled "WORMS" in white paint. Opening the lid reveals another lid directly underneath. Analysis has resulted in the conclusion that there may be a theoretically infinite sequence of lids.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███████, West Virginia
Current Status: In anomalous item containment locker.
Item Description: A carton of ████████-brand cigarettes. Upon smoking, subjects can only communicate through operatic vocals, with an effect lasting from 8 to 15 minutes.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2004
Location of Recovery: Phoenix, Arizona
Current Status: A number were consumed a month after recovery by the Site-22 staff. Remainder in storage.
Notes: These were a lot of fun. Someone should put them in the break room vending machines if the Foundation comes across a reliable source. - Agent ██████
Item Description: A red 2011 Alfa Romeo 159. Upon sitting in the driver's seat, the driver spontaneously forgets how to use a stick-shift transmission. They regain this knowledge upon stepping out of the car. (It should also be noted that this car has a stick-shift transmission.)
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: █████████, Poland
Current Status: In storage; awaiting repairs due to a burnt-out clutch.
Item Description: A black-and-white picture of a flock of sheep that causes any human within a five (5)-meter radius to feel as if they are being watched.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███ ██████
Current Status: In storage.
Item Description: A Triumph Adler TA-1600 brand computer. When activated all peripherals are turned into aged Abbaye de Belloc cheese.
Date of Recovery: 11-██-2012
Location of Recovery: Algonquin College, Canada
Current Status: Stored in Site-██ break room.
Notice: I shouldn't have to say this, but since it keeps happening: staff are advised not to connect peripherals to the computer unless they intend to turn said peripherals into cheese. - Supervisor White
Item Description: A finger painting of a 7 centimeter square inside of a 3 centimeter circle.
Date of Recovery: 12-02-20██
Location of Recovery: Christian Addler Elementary School
Current Status: Undergoing testing
Note: I know the ruler doesn't lie, but my brain just doesn't want to believe it. Guess we're doing something right. - Agent Morris
Item Description: A severed saltwater crocodile (Crocodylus porosus) head, which doesn't experience decomposition or corrosion. When touched or handled physically, the head animates and bites its handler, then returns to its inactive state. Object also regenerates almost instantaneously when damaged.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2014
Location of Recovery: Las Vegas, Nevada
Current Status: In frozen storage.
Item Description: A blue M&M's candy, which, when set on a flat surface, begins to spin, accelerating in speed until it reaches a rate of approximately 65 rev/s, at which point it instantly freezes in place until picked up and set back down.
Date of Recovery: 02-24-2014
Location of Recovery: Cedar Springs, Colorado, USA
Current Status: Consumed by Dr. ██████
Item Description: A newly opened, 14-ounce glass bottle of ███████ brand ketchup. Contents of bottle deemed impossible to extract, despite vigorous smacking and shaking.
Date of Recovery: 04-15-20██
Location of Recovery: San Juan, Mexico
Current Status: Shattered during an unauthorized extraction attempt in Site-22 cafeteria. Despite severe fragmentation, contents remained irretrievable from bottle. Broken shards and remains moved to standard storage locker at Site-59.
Item Description: A glass mirror that reflects images across its surface approximately 3.86 seconds more slowly than conventional mirrors, resulting in a significant 'lag' in the observed reflection.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ██████████, Ukraine
Current Status: Undergoing testing at Site-73. Studies indicate that there is no observable change in the rate at which photons are reflected by the mirror.
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Log Of Anomalous Items
Non-FictionThe SCP Foundation has discovered a substantial number of items which are simply too useless to merit further attention. This document lists those items which have prompted some curiosity. It may be used as a resource should knowledge of these items...
