Item Description: A signed picture of Ethan Klein from the YouTube channel "h3h3Productions", that causes the viewer to cough until it is taken out of their line of sight.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2016
Location of Recovery: In the personal collection of the deceased ██████ ████
Current Status: In a low-value containment locker at Site-37.
Site personnel are not to place bets on how long they can look at this item for. Also, whoever found this, keep it up, proud of you. - Site Director Levy
Item Description: A Northern Mockingbird (Mimus polyglottus) that can imitate any human phrase spoken to it. However, it always repeats these phrases in German, regardless of what language they were initially spoken in.
Date of Recovery: 11-14-2016
Location of Recovery: [REDACTED], North Carolina
Current Status: In a low-security animal containment unit at Site-65
Item Description: A combat knife with a serrated blade and a wooden handle. whenever this knife is used with the intention of harm the knife blade will disappear through unknown means. This event is un-observable and happens instantaneously. When in this anomalous state any person(s) "stabbed" with the knife will instantaneously and unavoidably whisper the phrase "I'm dead" and lie down. After about 4 minutes the victim will reawaken unharmed with no recollection of the event.
Date of Recovery: 05-09-2016
Location of Recovery: ██████████, ███
Current Status: Secured in Site-78's non-sentient storage wing
Note: When we found this █████ wouldn't stop stabbing me with it. Couldn't stop the bastard either. - ████████ from Recovery Team ███
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: 19-06-2002
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Item Description: A volcano-shaped cake that erupts approximately every 30 days with either red, luminescent icing or 1500 degrees centigrade lava. The cake is both immune to this lava and doesn't go stale. The item has no place to store either of the liquids it erupts.
Date of Recovery: 04-13-2007
Location of Recovery: A Pompeiian bakery.
Current Status: Held in Site-██ Cafeteria cold-storage Went into dormancy after being exposed to continual cold-storage temperatures. Currently stored in a heated room in an attempt to 'revive' the item.
Item Description: A Heckler & Koch HK416 D10RS carbine. When the fire selector is set to a setting other than "Safe", any lifeform who comes in contact with the weapon will spontaneously hear the song "Shoot to Thrill" by the band AC/DC playing on a loop for as long as they remain in contact.
Date of Recovery: 04-11-2016
Location of Recovery: ██████ gun show, Texas, United States
Current Status: In storage at Site-19. Available at request for firing range usage.
Item Description: A name tag with the name "Steve" written on the front. Upon placing the name tag on a person's chest, the person will claim that their name has always been Steve, regardless of gender.
Date of Recovery: 08-16-2016
Location of Recovery: ██████ CO, United States
Current Status: In storage at Site-17
Item Description: An Armenian style crucifix that emits high pitched squeals by unknown means when exposed to poultry products.
Date of Recovery: 04-17-19██
Location of Recovery: ██████, Armenia
Current Status: In a safe located at Site-19.
Item Description: A chess set made from English Oak. When the pieces are moved on the board they generate specific sounds audible only to the players. Moving a piece creates sounds similar to clanging metal or galloping horses, while removing a piece from play generates sounds of punching or clashing metal. At the end of a game a trumpet fanfare will play for 3 seconds.
Date of Recovery: 13-02-1992
Location of Recovery: ████ █████ ███ █████ Primary School, Serbia
Current Status: In the Area 53 break room.
Item Description: An apple tree whose fruit has been described as abnormally delicious. Any human who consumes a fruit from the tree will be propelled south by southeast away from ██°██'██.█"N ██°██'██.█"E at 87 kph.
Date of Recovery: 05-08-2012
Location of Recovery: Mt. Ararat, Turkey
Current Status: Relocated to Site-██'s arboretum.
Item Description: A wooden door, painted white. At exactly 11:30 PM local time, a knock is heard from the side not being observed. If both sides are observed, knocks will emanate from both sides simultaneously.
Date of Recovery: 14-11-2015
Location of Recovery: London, Britain.
Current Status: In storage at Site-██
Item Description: A standard kitchen sink. Humans over the age of 21 with at least one child under the age of 16 consistently sees it as full of dirty dishes, regardless of its current state. Humans under the age of 18 see it as completely empty, again regardless of current state.
Date of Recovery: 14-11-2015
Location of Recovery: London, Britain
Current Status: In storage at Site-██
Item Description: A candle that never melts while lit. Instead of melting, the candle randomly changes its scent every 5 minutes.
Date of Recovery: 12-01-2016
Location of Recovery: Alaska.
Current Status: In storage for use as a holiday meal centerpiece.
Item Description: A photograph of a ██████. In spite of no evidence for its existence being present, it will cause those who talk about it to insist upon its existence. Contents of the photograph are debated.
Date of Recovery: Unknown
Location of Recovery: Unknown
Current Status: Unknown; existence of object debated. Staff frequently report that the photo is hung in ███████████'s office.
Item Description: A set of candy canes which regenerate when consumed, and causes any kid who consumes one to be exceptionally nice for 30 days. Subsequent consumptions renew this period of niceness.
Date of Recovery: 12-01-200█.
Location of Recovery: A candy store in ███████, California.
Current Status: In Site-██'s Cafeteria for snacks.
If we could take our kids to work, they would enjoy these. -Agent ██████.
Item Description: A collection of 20 space themed "bath bombs." Subjects that are submerged in water affected by the bath bombs claim to be on a "mission to save Earth from the evil space alien Zargop".
Date of Recovery: 11-16-2016
Location of Recovery: [REDACTED], USA
Current Status: In Storage Site-156. Chemical testing begins on █████.
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Log Of Anomalous Items
Non-FictionThe SCP Foundation has discovered a substantial number of items which are simply too useless to merit further attention. This document lists those items which have prompted some curiosity. It may be used as a resource should knowledge of these items...
