Item Description: A pair of dumbbells with no label telling the exact weight. When used, users will report that it is the perfect weight for physical exercise.
Date of Recovery: 07-13-████
Location of Recovery: Anytime Fitness Center, Madison, Wisconsin.
Current Status: In Site-15's break room.
Item Description: A fluorescent, orange, plastic vuvuzela that, when played, renders the user invisible to the naked eye and cameras.
Date of Recovery: 05-06-2010
Location of Recovery: Johannesburg, South Africa
Current Status: In Safe-level storage. Missing. In storage.
Notes: Don't be stupid. We might not see you, but we sure can hear you. - Site 17 Security
Item Description: A bag of ██████ brand chocolate morsels. Eating more than one piece at a time results in the chocolate tasting strongly of human fecal matter.
Date of Recovery: 07-02-2013
Location of Recovery: █████ ███ ████ Bakery in Allentown, New York
Current status: In Site-53 cold storage.
Item Description: An oven that "bakes" people
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████ School of █████ ███████
Current Status: Site-19, being used as a replacement for SCP-420-J
Notes: This is the best ████ in the world, man -Dr ██████
Item Description: A female specimen of Gallus gallus domesticus, the domesticated hen. Eggs produced by it do not contain yolk or amniotic fluids, but are instead filled with random, common cooking ingredients such as milk, flour, and chocolate. Immediately after oviposition, and if not prevented from doing so, the item will breach the shell with its beak and consume the contents of the egg(s).
Date of Recovery: 01-07-2017
Location of Recovery: Thornton, Colorado.
Current Status: Contained in the aviary of Site-24.
Item Description: A singular Apis (Honey bee) that can remove the color from any substance or material through a process not dissimilar to nectar collection.
Date of Recovery: 01-13-2017
Location of Recovery: Knoxville, Tennessee
Current Status: Kept in low-security animal containment site
Item Description: A living Yoshi doll made of knitted yarn.
Date of Recovery: 01-10-2017
Location of Recovery: The house of the ████████ family.
Current Status: Pending use.
"It's the cutest thing ever! Why would we take it away from them?" - Dr. Betancourt
Item Description: A heart-shaped Valentine's Day card that appears to throb like a real human heart. Anyone who watches it gets a better understanding of the concept of love.
Date of Recovery: 02-14-2010
Location of Recovery: A house in Seattle, Washington.
Current Status: In storage.
Item Description: A headpiece accessory for a costume resembling a set of bull horns. When worn, the subject feels unreasonably furious against red objects and tries to charge into them.
Date of Recovery: 06-05-199█
Location of Recovery: A costume shop in ███████, Spain.
Current Status: In storage. Investigating if it is actually a piece of a bigger costume.
Note: Why the shit have we got red walls?! Seriously! - Agent ███████
Item Description: A 17x17x20 cm birdhouse. Any non-avian animal coming into contact with it is immediately launched into the stratosphere at a velocity of 3 km/s.
Date Of Recovery: 01-23-2017
Location of Recovery: Toronto, Canada
Current Status: Incinerated.
Item Description: The ashes of the the previous AO. Presumably, any non-avian animal coming into contact with it is immediately launched into the ground at a velocity of 3 km/s.
Date Of Recovery: 01-27-2017
Location of Recovery: Canadian Outpost-03
Current Status: Dispersed and neutralized on impact.
Note: Significant structural damage to Candian Outpost-03 has been sustained. Researchers Barrow, Smithson (the handler), and Zurrey expired. Cover story of a military ordnance failure disseminated.
Item Description: An empty bottle of █████ brand soda that will cause any liquid poured out of it to instantly relocate to the users stomach. Liquids pass through the users digestive system non-anomalously.
Date of Recovery: 03-10-2015
Location of Recovery: Soda Factory in Waco, Texas
Current Status: In the cupboard of Dr. █████'s office at Site-44.
Note: You can't even taste the soda you're trying to drink. You're getting all of the sugar and none of the flavor. Talk about a lose-lose. -Dr. █████
Item Description: A patch of skin formerly present on the left calf of an adult Caucasian male. A tattoo is present on the object that reads "Mr. Just Has The Tattoo, by ". This tattoo has resisted all attempts at removal. Skin was removed during a grafting procedure. Previous owner has assumed a completely new identity since the procedure and claims to have no memory of his time with the tattoo.
Date of Recovery: 05-02-2016
Location of Recovery: Richmond, Virginia
Current Status: In cryogenic storage.
Note: The tattoo's previous owner possessed a list similar to other "Misters Against Weed". The document is included below. Additionally, while the tattoo was still present on its owner, the subject claimed to have no memory of receiving the tattoo and that it had been .
Item Description: Cool.
Date of Recovery: 09-02-2017
Location of Recovery: Retrieved during a raid on a known anartist exhibition in Sydney, Australia.
Current Status: Not.
Item Description: Two physically non-anomalous humans Arin Hanson and Dan Avidan. Any content uploaded by either of them onto the internet will immediately receive approximately 200-300 of what the platform's way of sharing or enjoying something is, such as "likes" on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr and YouTube. This will occur despite the page they uploaded not being viewed by anything.
Date of Recovery: 05-26-2015
Location of Recovery: Twitter; the anomaly was discovered by Web crawler XIO-177 and was automatically marked as an anomaly.
Current Status: Currently hosting several popular internet web-series. No online comments regarding the anomaly have been noted since discovery.
Item Description: A low-level cognitohazard which causes infected personnel to believe they have "Level 6 clearance" and are capable of accessing every file in the database. The cognitohazard is spread through specific software malfunctions that can occur within the database.
Date of Recovery: 01-27-2010
Location of Recovery: Site-551.
Current Status: The malfunctions that are capable of spreading the cognitohazard have been fixed. A single terminal that still carries the malfunctions is kept at Site-49 for study.
Item Description: An unmarked white cotton glove which has a uniform colour gradient across its entire surface, is completely devoid of any shadows, and has a large, black outline across its edge regardless of viewing angle. These effects lead to it appearing to have a "cartoon" style.
Date of recovery: 07-11-14
Location of Recovery: ████████████, Florida
Current Status: In the office of Dr. ██████.
Item Description: A sheet of white paper with the word "bimonthly" written on it in black marker. When viewed by two or more people, an argument will begin between the viewers as to whether the word means "twice a month" or "once every two months". This argument may escalate into violence without intervention. This effect persists even when subjects are told not to argue over the definition of the word.
Date of Recovery: 02-11-1994
Location of Recovery: Wicklow, Ireland
Current Status: Destroyed in a particularly heated debate between two senior researchers. Both have been reprimanded.
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Log Of Anomalous Items
Non-FictionThe SCP Foundation has discovered a substantial number of items which are simply too useless to merit further attention. This document lists those items which have prompted some curiosity. It may be used as a resource should knowledge of these items...
