Item Description: A 17g lump of Plasticine which, when viewed by more than one person, is unanimously agreed to be too much Plasticine. Mechanism for perpetuation of this worldview is currently unknown. No anomalous effects if viewed by only one person.
Date of Recovery: ██-12-20██
Location of Recovery: ██████ █████, █████████-████-████, England
Current Status: Kept in a small plastic bag in the Break Room of Site ██.
Item Description: A pillow that audibly complains about itself. Complaints thus far have been softness (of which the pillow stated it was "too hard" and "too soft" at different times), material of the pillow, the material inside the pillow, and how much it talks about itself. While it has been noted that the pillow is sentient and is able to respond to personnel, the only thing it has discussed is itself.
Date of Recovery: ██-14-20██
Location of Recovery: █████ Soft Co.
Current Status: Site 35 Storage Room
Item Description: A chicken nugget that does not age or go stale. When a piece of the object is has been bitten off, the nugget will regenerate the area that has been bitten. Cutting pieces off of the object do not regenerate. It seems as though the "main" part of the nugget will regenerate with pieces cut off to show no anomalous properties.
Date of Recovery: 12-31-2013
Location of Recovery: ████████, Connecticut.
Current Status: Stored in freezer at Site-48.
Notes: Maybe we could use this as infinite ration during shortage of food. - Dr. Smith
Item Description: A white oak tree (Quercus alba) that, when viewed by a subject, is invariably described as being "ironic". Affected subjects are incapable or unwilling to explain further.
Date of Recovery: 05-21-2011
Location of Recovery: █████████, Canada
Current Status: In storage.
Item Description: A 1 m tall, solid gold flamingo statue that animates whenever a blue moon occurs. When animated, it attempts to fly through the ceiling only to crash into it. It will keep doing so until either restrained, or the morning after the blue moon ends.
Date of Recovery: 05-16-████
Location of Recovery: ███████ Zoo, US
Current Status: In storage.
Item Description: A toilet paper roll with the words "Jimmyz Teeliscop and Anty-scop" written on it with a red marker and various star stickers dotted around it. When viewing through one side, the roll will act as a telescope, however, when viewed from the other side it act as the opposite.
Date of Recovery: 06-12-████
Location of Recovery: █████████ Woods, US
Current Status: In storage.
Notes: I feel bad for the kid who lost this. - Dr. Richards
Item Description: ██████-████ (██) sheets of paper that when flipped in the same direction twice show a "third side". Flipping a sheet again will show the first side. Flipping backwards from the first side will show the third one.
Date of Recovery: 03-20-████
Location of Recovery: ████████ High School in ████████, ██
Current Status: In storage.
Item Description: A medium, white, men's shirt. All attempts to capture the item on video or photograph have failed, as photographs and videos develop as if the shirt were not present.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████, ████████
Current Status: In storage.
Item Description: An abstract bronze sculpture, measuring 2.11189 meters in height. Artist unknown. Exposure results in drastic overestimation of one's ability to make precise measurements for 9.800419 hours afterwards.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████ Museum of Modern Art
Current Status: In storage.
Item Description: A pair of cheese graters. Any cheese grated with one comes out of the other grater if the 2 are within ~6 meters of each other.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: 21 ████████ Rd, Sequim, Washington
Current Status: Under testing.
Item Description: A standard paper straw wrapper which is animate and has behavior patterns consistent with a boa constrictor. This includes slow "slithering" movement and attempts to constrict prey. Due to the material it is made of, it exerts very little force, and cannot restrict anything worthy of notice.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: Moe's Roadside Grill, ███ ██████, ██████
Current Status: Crumpled up, presumably by accident. Believed to be "dead".
Item Description: A font file named HAPYFASES.TTF. Any text displayed in it appears as excerpts from "Klingon Steed", a 12-novel series of unpublished slash romances. Author and font creator are unacquainted and display no anomalies. Downloadable file replaced with corrupt decoy.
Date of Recovery: 03-06-2009
Location of Recovery: PhreeKrazyFontz.com (Site defunct as of 16-12-2012)
Current Status: Installed on workstation of Senior Researcher Mary Esposito, Site 12
Item Description: An oil painting depicting a sunset over snow-capped mountains. Any human who views the painting is unable to move (excluding blinking and other unconscious movements) until they are deemed to have sufficiently "appreciated" the painting's composition or are forcibly moved by an external force.
Date of Recovery: 12-06-200█
Location of Recovery: ███████ art gallery in ████, Ukraine, having spontaneously appeared in the gallery the day before.
Current Status: In permanent storage following an incident in which Dr. Gently was transfixed for three hours before being removed by security staff.
Notes: Maybe it'd be easier to appreciate the thing if the artist wasn't terrible at conveying depth. - Dr. Gently
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Log Of Anomalous Items
Non-FictionThe SCP Foundation has discovered a substantial number of items which are simply too useless to merit further attention. This document lists those items which have prompted some curiosity. It may be used as a resource should knowledge of these items...
