Fractured from the Fall

Whose Funeral Is It Anyway?

Lily stood in the mirror straightening out her black Dolce and Gabbana dress. It had always been one of her favorites: tasteful and not too revealing, yet it hugged her in all the right places. Not that any of that mattered. The focus wasn't on her today and she couldn't be more relieved to have the attention off of her for once. Today was about saying goodbye to Grant. She thought about him as she stood in her old teenage room. He had been in it many times, sitting on the bed studying with Violet and of course doing other things. She flinched at the unwanted memories and shook them from her head. If Grant were here, he'd probably be laughing at her right now. He always liked seeing her squirm.

She rode with her father in silence, the only noise being the creaking of his old truck. Her father was comfortable with the quiet, and while Lily often found the need to fill long quiet spaces with words, she was at a loss for them at the moment. Her mind was swirling with thoughts of Violet and Harper and what they would be going through today, and of course thoughts of Grant and the memories they had shared, but most of all, her mind reeled for an understanding of why Ford had acted so weird while her body was filled with a strong desire to do what they had done again, only without him awkwardly leaving this time.

The parking lot was filled with one pick up truck after the next. Lily spotted Ford's right away, near the front. No doubt he had showed up early to help Violet. As stupid as it was, Lily felt a pang of jealousy at her sister's relationship with Ford, or maybe it was jealousy over the fact that Violet got to see him all the time. Whatever it was, Lily knew she was already in deep with her feelings for Ford. The past few days she had spent with him were far better than the last 15 years with Richard.

She made her way through the sea of mourners: woman in black dresses and men in long sleeved shirts, jeans and cowboy hats, all which followed Lily as she headed towards the church. But she kept her head up high and pretended not to notice. Their inquisitive and judgy looks couldn't affect her today. Today was about Grant.

She walked down the long wooden aisle of the modest little church and found her spot next to Harper. She was surprised to find Ford sitting on the other side of the aisle and she couldn't help but wonder if he had requested to be sat far away from Lily. She tried to make eye contact and give him a little wave but his eyes were buried in his lap, staring so intensely at the program, Lily would have thought it had naked ladies on it.

The service was short and sweet, just the way Grant would have liked it. Bennie had the crowd laughing with stories of their high school years and Ford gave a moving eulogy about their friendship. He never made eye contact with Lily during his speech, even when he directed his gaze towards Violet, he made sure not to inch his eyes too close in Lily's direction.

Violet never got up to speak, but instead kept a firm hold on Harper's hand. Lily could tell her emotions were just under the surface and would break through the second she tried to open her mouth. She was trying to be strong for Harper, but who was being strong for her? Lily wanted to reach across and lay her hand atop her sister's, but that invisible force stopped her, the one that had stopped her from reaching out for years, so she wrapped her arm around her niece instead.

There was no casket. Grant's ashes were to be spread in the mountains, his favorite place to be. After the service, everyone headed to Violet's for food and drinks. Lily couldn't think of anything worse than being social after saying goodbye to your husband, but it seemed to Lily that Violet liked to stay busy and take care of others. It kept her body busy and her mind from dealing with reality.

Back at Violet's house, Lily tried to help her sister by clearing plates and entertaining Harper. She made eye contact with Ford just a few times, but he quickly focused his attention elsewhere when Lily caught him staring. About an hour into Grant's "celebration of life" as they were calling it, Violet came into the living room looking for Lily.