Other than the music playing in the background, the party was completely silent as everyone stared at you and I in shock. I had wanted this for so long and never let myself think there would be a chance in hell. I knew everyone would be watching but I couldn’t stop myself. You had stood in front of me yelling at me and I was overwhelmed with thoughts racing through my head.
Why were you mad at me?
Would you ever want me too?
Will I lose you if I tell you how I feel?
But suddenly louder than all the other noise in my head and louder than the music in the room, screamed the thought: God I want you.
And that's how we ended up where we are right now. My hands in your hair. You pulling my waist closer. Your warm lips on mine while everyone stares.
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Griffin walks back in with his drink finally and looks up to see what everyone is staring at to see me kissing you. He just blurts out "woah" as the song ends so everyone hears. It brought us out of the moment and you pulled away leaving me shocked that THAT JUST HAPPENED.
You: *Stunned* "Wait… what was that?"
It's not that it was a rejection outright but maybe because I was so worried our friendship would be ruined that anything short of you screaming 'I love you' would have reassured me. I panicked. I didn't know how to handle this much less in a public place so I stumbled out: "I- I'm sorry"
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All the eyes on me made my heart start beating out of my chest and looking in her eyes searching for something that said everything would be ok. I should have never done this in such a public place. What was I thinking? Mid-freak-out I turn and rush out the door.
When I got outside I had a split second moment where I screamed in my head that I should go back for you but the anxiety of you saying no just was too much. I climbed into my car and drove away before any of my friends could come check on me.
The drive home was long and gave me way too much time to think. What was I thinking kissing you? You had been the only real friend I had ever had and finally getting it back had saved me… why did I ruin it all just to kiss you.
The boys were great and all, but you are different. We can talk on facetime for hours and you always made me smile. I had a crush on you since middle school which is part of the reason we stopped being friends back then. Everyone teases people who have a crush and I took it too hard with my anxiety and just started avoiding you. It was my biggest regret and I finally get you back in my life after all these years and then ruined everything.
