MY 100 PROBLEMS

Chapter 24

[HARRYS POV]

{a week later}

We get ready to go to the love of my life funeral. I get Thomas ready. He's already gotten so big and I realize he looks exactly like Eli I was blind to not see it at first. We walk outside when I feel my hearts start to race I stop walking and take a deep breath I look at my son who I can only see my love in him and I break down. "How am I going to do this buddy I can't do this by myself I want you to be happy how can I do that for you I lost your mommy and I don't want you to lose your dad too." I tell Thomas even though I know he doesn't understand he nuzzled his face into my shirt and I held him tight I walk over to the grass and to the casket and I place my hand on it "say hi to mommy." I hug Thomas crying. "We're about to start." Niall says. I nod and take a seat in the front next to Gigi and Zayn. Gigi's little baby's sleeping on her chest. I wanted that for my son for him to find comfort in his mum but he doesn't get that now and part of me feels like it my fault I should have just stayed away from her. Who am I kidding I could and I would change anything I did or said to her I loved her so much.
J

I'm asked to speak about her and her life but I it feels wrong talking about her in this way. I still end up handing Thomas to Gigi and I walk up to the mic. "Um hi everyone thank you for coming I'm sure Eli would have loved to see all of you." I force a smile. "Well I'm I don't even know where to start Eli was my wife and she was the mother of my child we weren't sure about Thomas at first we thought maybes she'd miscarriage but no she pushed her way and fought to have my son Thomas I keep getting a frequent memory of when I followed her on to a balcony. She stood on the railing and lifted her arms up and told me it was like flying it was stupid and reckless but I found myself right beside her doing the same thing. I didn't know are time together would be short I tricked myself into believing I could promise her she'd be fine and it would come true the truth is she was never not ok. For everything she went threw she was so happy and I loved that about her. She was also so excited when she found out she was going to be a mom she couldn't wait and when he was born she changed she found a another person to hold onto. Although Thomas will never have his mommy he will always live with her eyes and smile that I get to see everyday. And so does he." I wipe my cheeks clearing them from tears.

"She always had a thing for the sky and I got to give her a dream come true when taking her on the sea to see the stars you should have seen the way her eyes lit up he smile was so big. Nothing ever was easy but it was never hard we always made it work. I just wanted to say I loved and will always love Elizabeth joy Miller." I finish and wipe my eyes again.

When it's over I walk over and sit down with Thomas and we wait for everybody to leave and once the do I walk over to the casket and place a singular white rose and a copy picture of her and Thomas laying together. "Say bye bye to mommy ok." I tell Thomas I lean him down and he kisses the box and I do the same and we walk to the car. I put him in his car seat and we dive off.

I'm not sure how I will make it with out her. I get a strange feeling to pull over so I do. I just sit there when I decide to grab her old hospital bag and look them it to see if I could find anything important. When I come across her journal. Would she want me to open it of course she would when I open it I see tons of writing about every thing that has gone on when I flip to the last page there's a page that says "Dear Harry" I decide to read it.

-the note-

"Hi Harry if your reading this I probably had to leave you. I'm sorry I really am but I needed to it was for the best. I know you'll take care of my son...our son. You'll take his hand and lead him to the light just and you did for me. You passed out right now on the chair I'm currently thinking why do bad things happen and I think back to our wedding when i looked over and saw Lilli and she was looking at me all of the bad things that happened to her she looked happy like there was hope I want you to believe that. When you saw our son for the first time I knew know matter what happened my baby boy would be ok. Don't ever think this was your fault and don't let Thomas think that either you boys are strong stronger than me. I would have been so lost without you you gave me so many wishes and dream come trues. I became closer to my family started a family and found people who loved me and not to mention seeing the stars with you was like magic. I wish I could be with you but remember I died thinking about you and that's all that matters I love you Harold Edward Styles and you too Thomas Harold Styles." Love your wife/mommy🖤

[HARRYS POV]

{16 years later}

"Hey Dad come here." Thomas yells "what son?" I walk into his room and he has a journal wait that's Elis old journal. "Son where did you get that?" I grab it from his hands. "That was moms I read it why didn't you tell me about the letter dad?" He asks "I didn't want you to get hurt or think that she abandoned you I promised her that." I say "dad I would never think mom abandoned me I love her even though I didn't even really know her I know how special she was to you." He adds "I know I was just scared I would let her down." I say back. It's been 16 years he's no longer a kid now he's in high school and I forget what she would have wanted. "How about this I'm going to tell you a story." I say "about what!" He asks me "how I because your moms 100th problem." I laugh.