Closing Time

47.

Regret.

So much regret.

All the regret.

Nothing, but the regret.

Every time I closed my eyes, I felt his lips against mine. My own body rebelling against my mind as I felt myself react and return his kiss. Damn, that was a good kiss. And damn, if I didn't want it to continue. Luckily, I had stopped it. But was it really lucky? I'd kissed him. Might as well have gone all the way. Wouldn't have made me regret it any less. But now that I was regretting it, I'm sure the post-sex fog would have helped dull some of it.

I closed my eyes anyway, feeling a phantom warmth against my lips. My hands shook I raised them, pressing my palms against my eyes till all I saw were oddly-coloured orbs instead of green eyes. Nothing to escape them. No sleep, no drink. I had tried to drink... but I couldn't force myself to do anything with the glass of scotch in front of me— apart from fill it, and raise it to my lips. Great. Thanks. Now that's a waste. And it's good scotch too. Should've handed it over to one of them.

I looked up as my phone buzzed loudly on my glass table. The screen lit up with one word from the current bane of my life.

Tonight.

I ducked my head back behind my hands. It was almost morning again. I'd been hating myself for a solid few hours now. Nothing like a good, old self-loathing session before a good, old betrayal session. Funnily enough, it's the only thing I don't seem to have feelings about. I mean, I might die again tonight if it backfired. Which it might. The Hunters are well prepared but... the others are stronger, faster, immortal, more experienced.

I looked up again, the sudden realisation hitting me that this might actually be my last day.

My eyes went to the sunrise. Seen it way too many times. It's getting boring. Food? Yeah, food is good. Last meal type of stuff. We can order pizza for lunch. I can make myself a giant breakfast right now, and then I should be able to move by the time I have to leave for work.

Yeah. That sounds good. That sounds... distracting.

I hopped up from the couch, in the mood for something crunchy and something sweet. The chicken and waffles from Antonio's cafe came to mind. I can make that. I have his recipe, and I have the ingredients.

I pulled out the chicken, letting it defrost on my counter as I made the waffle batter. Then I placed it in the microwave because it wasn't defrosting fast enough and left to take a shower. If this is going to be my last day, I'm going to look good. Not going get caught off-guard like the first time around again.

I started a new show as when I started cooking. The waffles were good, the chicken was spicy. I placed some more pieces in the marinade, placing it inside the freezer to eat later. The show was interesting too, I might be able to catch a few more episodes of it when I got back home after my shift tonight. The glass of scotch had been placed in the fridge too. There is a plan for tonight- a good plan, with good food, a good show, and a good drink.

I got dressed, looking at myself in the mirror and wishing I could wear something more glamourous. The ripped t-shirt dress was cute, but I wanted more than that. I still had all the dresses from when I used to go to nightclubs almost everyday. But again, those are nightclub dresses. Maybe I'll hit one up on my day off soon. The makeup was fine, it would last the day. I was using a new bag.

This attempt at rekindling some excitement in my life on the day of what might possibly be my last was rather grim. A part of me just wanted to give in to the dread lurking in the back of my mind. The anxiety, the fear and the worry had formed a soup of emotions I couldn't actually explain.