away we go • formula 1

Gp of Austria II

Do you wanna come round mine? ~ me
Yes I'll be there in a minute ~ Stoff ❤️
I was a bit scared for where this was gonna go. I had a mental list prepared with things I wanted to get out.  And also how we could fix this and clear all this confusion up. I do love Stoffel but not in a boyfriend kind of way. I thought I did but have I truly ever loved him when in the back of my mind I was thinking about a certain someone? No and I was lying to myself. I even convinced myself I liked him like that because he was comfort but it was unfair. He didn't deserve it and I didn't. I have to get that straight and admit it because I never really did. I need to own up to what I've done and face the consequences. I hurt my best friend and I hurt myself.
I heard a knock and saw Stoffel coming in. "Hi", I said and he waved. "So what's up?", he asked and sat down on my bed. "I need to talk to you. And please let me get to the end of my list before you say anything. Otherwise I will not get everything out.", I told him. "I mean you are scaring me a bit.". "I don't wanna scare you but this needs to be said and done.", I said and sat down on the chair opposite the bed. "Ok tell me what's been on your mind.", he seemed so calm but I knew that was just a facade. He was bricking it because the last time I called him over and made him listen to me like this was bad.
"I was a complete and utter idiot. I hurt myself and I hurt you. And I don't know how and if we can bounce back from that but this needs to be said anyways. I was a horrible person. I did something I always promised I wouldn't do - I lied to you. Back then I didn't think it was lying. I thought I was being genuine but in retrospect I was just convincing myself that, that reality that I had in mind was what I truly wanted. When I told you I liked you back I convinced myself that I did because to only other possibility in my peanut brain was that I would say no and you would hate me forever. Ironically I might've just done that anyways. I was convincing myself that I am falling in love with you and I hurt you by doing that. And I cannot forgive myself for that. I lied to you. Again. And to be perfectly honest if I were you I would walk out of this motorhome and not come back. I'm genuinely very sorry. I should've known better and never acted in a way that could potentially hurt you. I'm sorry I lead you on. I'm sorry I convinced myself just because I thought there was no way around it. I'm sorry that I've hurt you with my actions. And I think that's it. I understand if you hate me and want to leave.", I looked at the floor with tears running down my face. I heard him move and was sure he would leave my motorhome immediately. I mean I wouldn't blame him if it were the other way round I would be long gone. But I guess it shows that he truly is more mature than I am because he kneeled down in front of me.

"What are you crying for?", he asked me and took my hands into his. "Because I ruined our friendship. I'm horrible.", I sobbed. "Hey if anyone has the right to cry it would be me. And you don't see me crying.", he smiled up at me. "But how?", I asked dumbfounded. "Because I was waiting for exactly this apology. I knew for some time now that I wasn't angry with you because of what happened. I knew you never meant for this to happen and you would never deliberately hurt me. But I was furious every time I saw you with him. Anna came to my home after one qualifying and told me that I gotta stop holding you responsible for whatever happens on track. It's not your fault that my car is an absolute disaster. I was mad at you because you were hanging out with Max, the new superstar with the great car. And that's when it hit me. I did the same thing you did. I. I convinced myself I was mad at you when in reality it was the performance of the car and myself I was livid about. I might be older but I still do some stupid stuff. Lin I would never want to loose you and you telling me all of that means the world to me.", he told me everything.
And I gotta admit that I liked Anna a bit better now. I threw myself into Stoffel's arms. He picked me up and spun me around. We both laughed and the tears now streaming down my face were tears of joy. "As much as I hate to admit it: I think I gotta thank Anna.", I said sheepishly when Stoffel put me down. "And why is that?", he asked confused. "Because without her you would still be very angry and I would still be very lonely. Maybe she is not a bad as I thought she was.", I admitted. "She really is great. I actually think you two could like each other.". "Maybe I can meet her? To thank her. Cause you know normally i would flee the scene when she arrived.", I was a bit embarrassed now that I talked about the way I acted around her out loud. "Course you can. Maybe she can come round ours when we get back?", he sat down on the second chair. "Yes that would be nice.", I smiled.
After our talk it finally felt like before. It was lighthearted, fun and wholesome and I finally had my best friend back. We decided to have dinner and after that Stoffel left my motorhome to let me sleep.

When my alarm rang at the morning of the GP I felt energised like never before. This was first night in a while that I slept well. I guess it showed because my crew was way chirpier than usual. "You're in a Good mood today.", Markus stated. "Yes I am. Today is gonna be great I'm telling you.", I said with a big grin on my face. "Someone is in a good mood today.", Luca said when he came to inspect my car. "Yes I hope that car is also in a great mood. Don't want it to break down again.", I winked at him. "What happened to grumpy Carolin?", Markus chuckled. "She's gone and we don't need her anymore.", I announced and left the garage and went into the paddock.

The paddock was hectic as we only had half an hour left till the drivers parade. I saw Stoffel in the distance and jogged over to him. "Hi friend", I said and jumped on his back. "Hi friend. Please get off me.", he chuckled. But hugged me straight after I got down. "So it's true.", he said. "What's true?", I grinned. "That the happy chirpy Carolin we know and love is back.", he put his arm around me. "I guess so.", I smiled. "Is Anna here?", I asked Stoff and looked around the area. "Yes. She's just getting a drink.", he explained. "Ok see you later. I'm gonna see if I can find that girl of yours", I shouted while taking off.
I went to the McLaren hospitality and looked for a petite blonde girl. I saw her sitting at a table by herself.

"Hey may I sit down?", I asked her and she looked up in surprise. "Sure." "So... thank you. I mean really thank you. You saved our friendship and I didn't deserve it.", I admitted in defeat. "You were both miserable and I really like Stoffel. And without you in his life he is not whole. So it wasn't all that altruistic.", she smiled. "Still. It was very nice and thank you. So I don't know if Stoffel told you already but we wanna have you over for dinner when we get back to Monaco. Don't worry I won't third wheel the whole evening. I would organise a flight and everything to have you come as a surprise for him. You are great together and I was an idiot to try and undermine that. He really likes and I know he would love if you would come. I really hope you accept that invitation. That's my number - call me or something when you decide. So I gotta go now. Enjoy the race and I hope we will see each other soon. ", we said our goodbyes and I left for the drivers parade.

I was a bit late for the drivers parade so I sprinted onto the back of the truck and must've look like a mad woman. "There is the B-Team!", Daniel announced. I pulled a face at him."No fair they told me you were in a good mood.", he complained. "I am but don't call me B-Team", I punched his shoulder and chuckled. "Feisty Caro baby.", Esteban said and came over to give me a hug. "You look better.", he said with genuine concern in his eyes. "I am better.".

"Now we are here with the local hero, Carolin Zwesper.", the interviewer came over to me. I was standing with Nico and Daniel. "So tell us Carolin. Are you excited?", she asked. "Very. I think I've never been this pumped for a race ever before but it feels good. We've got lovely weather, the best crowd and in my eyes the best car we've had so far.", I was feeling so happy right now. "I mean the fans are loving it. Normally in Austria we had a sea of orange for Max Verstappen but this year it seems like the Austrians in red have taken over. ", she joked. "Ah yes I mean sorry Max. I think he has to share the crowd with me now. All jokes aside I think it's phenomenal to see this many fans here. Also Max' Fans. It's truly a F1 fest. I am overwhelmed by the support I have gotten in the last few days. I had a bit of a rough start but it turned out wonderfully and I wish all the fans on track and at home lots of fun and a thrilling race."

"You really sold yourself out there today.", Sofie said when she came into my drivers room. "I already got 16 interview requests. Also this might attract some big sponsors which is always great.". "I'm happy that I made your job a bit easier. After being a PR nightmare for all the races we had until now I thought you deserved a break.", I joked. "Your interview with ORF 1 has also helped improve your image. People like you. That's good. ". "I aim to please.", I winked and grabbed my stuff to get to the garage.

"So Caro get in we are ready.", Luca said and I waisted no time and jumped in. "Radio check 1-2 1-2", was transmitted. "I can hear clearly now the rain is gone", I sang back. "Ok. Drive safely.", Luca chuckled. I drove a lap to take my position at the grid and than got back out of the car.
The atmosphere was amazing. The air was buzzing with excitement and I saw so many people in red or Toro Rosso colours like never before.