Blue Angel (Mystreet Fanfic)

Chapter 1: Loss

A/n: the song is what I'm using as the theme for this book. You can listen while you read if you want :)

Travis' PoV

I stare into her sky blue eyes and see myself reflected back in them. I see the pain, betrayal, and fear as she stares back at me. Time slows, and everything else disappears. I'm met with only silence as the realization hits; she's going to die.

But somehow, I can't move. I just keep staring at those eyes, the same eyes I fell in love with all those years ago. They speak for her as the life leaves them. They remind me that all of this is my fault, and that I failed. I could have saved her, could have fought Michael, but I didn't. It's my fault and she's paying the price.

I blink back tears and continue looking into her eyes. Just before Garroth throws her they communicate one final message, only three words long. 'I hate you.' Then she's gone.

At those three words, my heart shatters. I never thought I'd hear them from her. I loved her with all my heart. But I couldn't save her, and now she hated me for it.

I fall to my knees but no tears come, just an ear piercing scream from deep in my throat. I feel as though my ribcage has broken and caved in, stabbing my heart in every place.

Physically, I'm fine. But the pain I feel inside hurts more than I could have ever imagined. Katelyn's gone and my dad's going to be next. I'll have nobody left. I'll be alone. And worse yet, I'll have to go on living with the fact that she hates me, that she, the love of my life, died hating me.

By now, Michael's gone. He's inside my father. I look up at him and see the same things in his eyes. He communicates the same three words. 'I hate you.' That's all it takes to break me for good. Everyone tries to talk to me, tries to drag me with them to the helicopter. They say this place is coming down.

Let it.

I'm not going anywhere, there's no point anymore. I'm going to stay here. One way or another, I'll be with them, be it from the stab wound or from the cannon collapsing.

One way or another, I'll be better off.

::::::::

Then I wake up. It was just a dream. Katelyn never said she hated me. My dad never did either, he never would, and I knew that. Still, the dream hit me hard.

Would I...Really be better off had I stayed on the cannon?

I push the thoughts away and focus on something else. Something that, at first, surprises me; he's out of my head. Out of my body. It feels so odd not having him their anymore, constantly feeling his presence and watching as he controls my body. I'm in control of myself again, and it'll be something to get used to.

I should be happy, but I'm not. I'll never be happy again knowing I'm the reason the one person that mattered most to me was killed, and that the other died saving me. People come in and out of the room, talking to me and asking questions. They tell me I've been out for two days; it doesn't matter much to me though.

Everything is so...blurry. They ask how I'm doing, how I'm feeling. I can't even find it within myself to answer them.

What's the point? Everyone I've ever cared for is gone. They keep telling me it's not my fault but I hardly hear them.

Deep down I know it is. I wasn't strong enough to stop Michael. I'm the reason she's gone. The reason he's gone. Just like in my dream.

I get into my wheelchair (with much difficulty) and roll over to the balcony of the hospital room, looking out at the sunset.