The quiet sound of the latest All Time Low album radiated through my room as my mind wanders to the day he left. He is so amazing and wonderful and I'm so average and uninteresting and how. How could he possibly be in love with me. How could I have possibly been so lucky to have him looking at me the same way Patrick Verona looks at Kat Stratford. He's the Patrick to my Kat.
God, I love that movie.
I love the way that Patrick never gave up, despite the numerous times Kat made it clear she wasn't interested. He didn't give up on her and he was there for everything. And despite their tumoltuous relationship, they never gave up. That's what I strive for.
Sure, tour makes it hard for him to contact me, but that's just turmoil. Yeah, he has time to tweet, but no time to text me back, but that's an obligation to the fans. This is just how our relationship works. It's all fine.
As if on cue, my phone rings, interrupting the chorus of Oh Calamity, but that's fine because I'm willing to give up Alex Gaskarth's voice for the sound of my boyfriends.
"Hey, Ross." I smile as the name rolls off my tongue so easily. I'm smiling because it's been a rare occurance over the past few weeks to have him call me. All I want to do is talk.
This is just a bump in the road
"Hi Courtney. Listen, it's going to be hard to phone you for the next few weeks - we're heading to Australia and the time zone there is just so different than in LA and I just think it'll be too difficult."
My smile falters a little bit, but I stay bright. It's totally valid; the time zones are quite different and he'll probably be too tired to find the time to talk to me.
This is just a bump in the road.
"Alright that's fine. How's tour going by the way? I feel like I never -"
"Hey, sorry we're about to go out for food. I'll talk to you later." He hangs up right away and the soothing sound of All Time Low replaces his voice, and I'm left exactly where I started, but slightly less perky.
Instead of the smile that was present on my face, a frown is in it's place. And as much as I can tell myself that this is normal and that this is just a bump in the road, I know in my heart that it's not. I know in my heart that this tour is slowly and tortuously pulling us apart and sadly, he's feeding right into it.
Oh Calamity is right.
-
I'm ok. Surprisingly. At least, that's what I thought.
Ross and I have drifted far apart and I'm alright. He's out at parties, he's taking pictures with pretty fans, he's getting attention from models. I'm here, building relationships with friends, focusing on my education, learning to love myself, by myself.
I haven't spoken to Ross in a week and I'm fine.
In a way, I feel a piece of me is floating away. And it is. Ross has been such a huge part of my life for so long and now that I'm learning to live without that part of my life, it's floating away. I don't need it anymore. It's scaring me because I know this part is floating away, but I'm not sure if I want it back.
I'm liking this version of myself. I'm confident, and I don't need a guy to reassure me anymore.
Ross and I both know that a break up is imminent, but we've avoiding talking about it for so long because it's nervewracking. This has been our safe place for so long and I don't think we're entirely ready to give it up. It's dangerous, but I think it's about time to step out of my comfort zone. I want to be known as Courtney, and not half of Ross & Courtney.
And I know for sure that this is what Ross wants as well when I log onto Instagram and see a picture of Ross and a model getting cozy.
So I pull out my phone and dial the number that has been filed in my brain since I knew what cellphones were. It's time.
He answers on the fourth ring and doesn't give me a greeting. Instead, I hear him sigh heavily and close a door. "I know you saw the picture." He whispers and I can almost see his guilt from here.
"Ross, I'm not angry about it. It was the final push for me to do exactly what I know we both need." I take a deep breath and my heart starts beating wildly. It's so strange; I had been waiting for this for so long and now I'm just giving it up easily. I'm not sure how to feel about it.
"I'm doing great without you. And I'm so surprised by this because I was so sure that I was going to be an emotional wreck for the three months you were gone. I think this is the happiest I've ever been in my life and I don't want you to get offended because you also made me really happy, but you were the only thing keeping me happy. I didn't realize how wrong that was until after you left. Now I learned to be happy by myself and we're both understanding that we don't need each other anymore. And I know this is terrifying because this is our safe place but it's time that we leave it behind. We need this Ross."
He's silent, but I know he knows I'm right.
"You know I'll always love you, right?" He says in a hushed tone.
I smile genuinely. "I know you do. And I'll always love you. But this is for the best and you know that."
I feel a tear slide down my face and I quickly wipe it away. I feel better about it when I hear him sniffling too, and we both laugh.
I think that's the great thing about us both; despite the seriousness of our relationship, we'll always be best friends, first and foremost. And I don't think that's ever going to change.
"Goodbye, Ross."
"Goodbye, Courtney."
And as I hung up the phone, I felt an odd sense of closure. Like this huge wait has been lifted off my shoulders.
I know that one day, I could end up deeply regretting this, but right now, I'm going to blast Taylor Swift and dance around my room like the bad bitch I am.
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hello yes I am alive lmao surprise it's been like a thousand years nd im so sorry but school and life got in the way and it sucks bc i totally lost all interest in r5 and its so difficult to write this now
but oh look at that rossney is over wtf and SURPRISE so is the story lmao
dont worry dont worry i am writing an epilogue and (hopefully) it will satisfy all your hopes and dreams nd hopefully I'll have it up this week????
OK QUICKLY SOMEONE EXPRESSED INTEREST IN READING A 5SOS FANFICTION FROM ME AND IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY SO PLS PLS LET ME KNOW IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO READ ONE???? IT'LL PROBABLY BE LUKE ND IM V V V EXCITED ABOUT IT AND IT WOULD MEAN THE WORLD TO ME IF YOU ALL CONTINUED ON WITH ME IN MY WRITING ADVENTURES OK THX ILY
ok well bye i guess pls comment nd stuff
ily you cute little shits you make me smile :-)
courtneyeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeyey
oh ps im sry this is v short ok no inspiration
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Love To Love Her (A Ross Lynch/R5 fanfiction)
Fanfiction"It took me three whole days to determine whether or not you'd be a good friend, you know?" I tell him, running my fingers through his hair. "Really?" I nod. "Mhm." "Well," he sighs. "It may have taken you three days to consider me a friend, but it...
