Saving Melanie Deen

Chapter 53

Ethan's POV

I knew that he told her I'm here. Why else would she show up out of the blue?

Groaning at her hurt eyes, I flashed Trent a 'are you serious?' look and he shook his head at me. He didn't come up to talk to me but I could see him glaring at me from across the bar as soon as I walked in. He was mad at me and I understood why. I was an asshole.

I tried going to rehab but it didn't work.

Every time I thought about her, I lost it.

How was I going to survive her moving away? How would I live here, in this fucked up town without her? I knew I was a fuck up and constantly pushed her away, but the thought of her being close by was comforting to me. I could always swallow my pride and just go see her. But when she moves, I won't have that option. I'll be alone. Just like I was before her.

''Hey,'' Her voice was laced with hurt but she still had enough courage to come up to me.''Stranger'' She added.

I clenched my jaw at her choice of words.

It didn't surprise me that much, because I knew I deserved it. I was a coward. I left right after sleeping with her because I was afraid of the feelings I had after it happened. I thought that if I slept with her, I wouldn't be interested anymore. I thought that it would be easier to let her go.

To let her leave me.

''So you're just going to ignore me? Even now...after you left me and I still approached you?'' She gulped, clearly holding her emotions in. I looked at her, wearing a cold and emotionless stare.

''Really?'' Her eyes filled up with tears.

''What do you want me to say?'' I groaned, giving in.

''So you just wanted to fuck me?'' She ignored my question, already spiraling. Seeing her think this way, made me want to punch a wall until my fist broke. Like I said before, one minute she makes me want to kill her. The next minute I'm crying over the sad look I saw in her eyes.

She made me feel insane.

''No'' I answered truthfully.

''Then what happened?'' She came closer, support radiating off of her. She really did want to help me...but there was no point. I knew how far gone I was. There was absolutely no point in her trying to help me. I was done.

''I can't do this'' I downed my shot of straight vodka.

''You can't do this? What's this?'' She asked, innocently trying to understand my fucked up mind.

''Us'' I deadpanned, making her feel stupid.''I can't do us'' I elaborated.

If I could hear her heart, I'm sure I would've heard it shattering to tiny microscopic pieces.

But I had to do it.

''Why are you doing this?'' She shook her head, taking a step back.''Why are you trying to make me hate you?''

I rubbed my chin as I stared straight ahead, realizing it would be far too hard to look her in the eye.''Because you should hate me'' I sighed, feeling a strange pang in my heart.''You'll be thankful later...when you realize it''

''When I realize what?''

''When you realize I'm never going to change'' I looked at her for a split second, immediately regretting it. She looked amazing, as always. Her hair was flipped onto one side and she was wearing a beautiful black dress. She could be yours.

No.

I looked away, clenching my jaw.

''How do you know that? How do you know you'll never change?'' She continued to ask questions, driving me insane. Not because I hate her. No. She was making me reconsider things and I hated that. I hated the fact that I was willing to drop everything and run to her whenever she tried to help me. I hated that my feelings for her were so strong that I'd willingly give my life up for her. I hated the fact that I couldn't control myself around her.

''I just know'' I gritted my teeth.

''How?'' She interrogated, stepping closer again. I could feel her hand lowering onto my shoulder and something in me snapped.

I grabbed her hand viscously and she shrieked with fear as I slammed her back into the counter.''Ethan!'' She gasped, doubling over with pain. 

My eyes widened as I realized what I was doing and the anger immediately disappeared.

This was exactly why I had to stay away from her.

This was exactly why she needed to hate me.

I was a monster.

''Bro, what the fuck?!'' Dylan bellowed at me with so much anger his voice shook.

Before I had the chance to say anything, Tyler ran up and knelt beside Melanie. She spoke quietly to him, so no one else would hear them. Something in me told me to beat the shit of him, but I shut that down real quick.

Of course, he'd be here...right by her side when she needed him.

He looked up at me and I knew straight away. They were close now. Not like before.

The look in his eyes said it all.

If I wasn't sure about him having feelings for her earlier...

Now I was positive.

''Ethan, I'm going to have to ask you to leave'' He stood up, giving me one of his serious glares. He was ready to lose it all for her and I respected that. It was what she deserved.

''It's fine'' I nodded, fighting the urge to fall to my knees and beg Melanie to forgive me. I knew it wouldn't do any good for any of us. I knew I was far gone and I would surely do it again. I couldn't control myself no matter what I did.''I was going to leave anyway'' I added and downed another shot.

He never let his eyes leave me.

I wanted to tell him to take good care of her. But I knew that would set off too many alarms. Trent was there and he'd know what I was planning straight away. So I just nodded at Tyler, giving him a look that I hoped he'd understand.

''I'm sorry, Deen'' I looked down at her, ignoring the pang in my chest.

She didn't look up at me and I understood her. I wasn't mad at her. Her finally hating me would make this whole thing much easier. I won't have to worry about how she'll recover.

Then, my eyes met Trent's and I knew that he knew.

He shook his head, turning on his heel and stalking off. He was stiff and by that, I knew he was crying. I gulped at the sight, pushing away the guilt that threatened to appear in my mind.

''See you guys around?'' I sighed, clearing my throat. They all gave me weird looks and I held back a chuckle. If they knew...they'd find it funny too.

With that, I got off the barstool and strolled out of the bar.

Adios...amigos.