Bonded

Chapter 31

**Possible Trigger Warning - talk of suicide**

"Nothing between Michael I really changed that much other than we worked at the same place. It was still just an occasional dinner or night at the theater. I honestly forgot that we were supposed to be dating, until...." She paused in her story, surprised at herself for how easily all the words had come tumbling out of her mouth.

Greyson smirked at the expression on her face. He was fairly certain that she hadn't spoken this openly to anyone in a long while. "Keep going, Becks. What happened that made you remember?"

Rebecca found his eyes with hers and held them. "He proposed. It was Christmas. The Cara family annual Christmas party. His entire family was there plus close friends and important business contacts. Everyone. It was a normal party. Mingling and drinking and chatting. Nothing special. Michael found me in the crowd and pulled me in front of the tree. He clinked his glass to get everyone's attention and asked me to marry him. I had no idea what to do. Everyone was clapping and cheering, I didn't want to embarrass him or his family so I said yes. I like Michael, I really do, but we are very different people. I don't know what a marriage to him would be like. As soon as the ring was on my finger, Michael changed. He needed to know where I was at all times. If he was available, he would escort me home at the end of the day. Same thing for the morning. His driver would pull the car up outside my building at the same time every morning and we would ride in together. It wasn't like we were talking about our feelings all this time or dreaming about our future together during the drive. We would talk about work, or he would be on the phone with a client. It was more like he was keeping tabs on me. He put the ring on my finger, and I became his property. It was just after the proposal that Chet was hired as 'security'. Now, if Michael couldn't see me home, Chet was there to do it. And Chet reported everything I did back to Michael and his mother. If I sneezed one day, someone asked if I was getting sick the next. I even overheard a conversation between Michael and his mother. She told him he could continue dating whoever he wanted, even after the wedding. But the family needed an heir and he could think of me as breeding stock." Rebecca closed her eyes and a tear rolled down her cheek. An indescribable rage started to form within Greyson. His wolf wanted blood from those who disrespected his mate so severely. "The worst part was I didn't care. I didn't care how overbearing and suffocating it all was. I didn't care that I was being used. At least I would have someplace to belong. I would have a place in a family. I thought I could do it. I thought I could live with the illusion. It wasn't until..." She trailed off. 

Her eyes were still closed and Greyson kissed her forehead hoping to soothe his mate and his inner wolf at the same time. Using the fact that she couldn't see the expression on her friend's face, Rebecca gathered up her courage to say what she had been refusing to admit to herself for six months. "It wasn't until Norway, until I saw the look in your eyes the night that we made love. I knew you loved me then. I could see it. In that one night, you taught me what it was like to feel loved, to feel cherished. Greys, no one has ever looked at me the way you did that night. No one has ever made me feel like that. Since that night, everything in my life has felt fake and empty. Ever since that night, I have never felt more alone, but I had no idea what to do about it." Having said what had taken her months to put into words, she risked opening her eyes to see the face of the one person who truly loved her.

Greyson gazed down at the most remarkable woman he had ever met. She was so strong yet she didn't believe in herself and what she had accomplished with her life. He tried to put words to all of the emotions he had warring inside of him. Eventually, he gave up and decided to show her. His lips claimed hers. He wanted her to have the same feeling she had the night he made love to her under the stars. He wanted her to feel cherished again; not just in this moment but always. She was his mate. She was his other half. She should never once, not for one single second, feel that she is alone in the world. Silently, he vowed to himself that he would do everything in his power to make sure that she always felt loved in the deepest, most complete way possible. He kissed her with everything he had and pushed his feelings through their bond. He hoped that maybe she would feel it on some level.

She was melting. She was melting into him. All thought, the entire world, melted away and what was left was her absolute certainty that the man kissing her - The man whose hands were caressing her skin, whose arms were claiming her body as his own - loved her. He loved her so much that she could drown in it. She wanted to surrender to it. She wanted to lose herself in the feelings he stirred within her. For the first time in so very long she wanted to let go and just let herself feel. To put aside all the thoughts that plagued her everyday existence, and just float in a sea of love. It was fear that had her pulling back from his body. It was fear that had her ending their kiss. It was fear that she was making promises she wasn't sure she could keep, fear that she might have to hurt him in the future.

Greyson allowed her to pull away from him. She buried her head in the crook of his shoulder. He schooled his face not to show the pain her rejection caused. Through their mate bond, all he could feel was her confusion and apprehension. He was trying hard to be patient. He was trying hard to be there for her in her recovery. He was trying hard to be a good mate to her, but her continued turmoil over her feelings for him was upsetting. He was so confident in his feelings for her. He wanted more than anything to see her healthy and for them to start their lives together as a mated pair. As it was, the future he had been envisioning for them was slipping further and further away.

Mentally, he shook himself. He was an Alpha werewolf. He wasn't allowed the luxury of feeling sorry for himself. His wants and desires were secondary to the needs to the people he was called to protect. His job was to be there for his pack. To him, Rebecca was the most important person in his pack and he needed to get over his own frustrations and help his mate heal.

"Becks, will you tell me something? Truthfully? And then you should get some rest."

After her long story about her life since she last saw him, she wasn't sure else she could tell him, but she shook her head in agreement anyway.

"How bad did it get? You said you were really low for a while. How bad was it?"

Rebecca allowed her eyes to meet to his. She swallowed hard before answering. "There was a bottle of vodka, a bottle of pills and a really long night. I went to the student mental health clinic the next day."

Greyson's heart stopped at her admission. He could only imagine how gut wrenchingly long and dark that night must have been for her. She must have been in so much pain, so lost, so alone. For the thousandth time since finding her again, he wished he could have been there for her. He wished he could have sat in the dark with her so she didn't feel so alone. Stalling for a moment so he could regain the ability to speak, he kissed her forehead. "Thank you. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me and thank you for asking for help." His voice was thick with emotion. He pulled her body so it was flush with his, enjoying the way she automatically snuggled closer into him. "Why don't you take a nap and when you wake up, we'll order you some new clothes." She hummed her agreement before slipping off into much needed sleep. Greyson laid awake for a long time thinking about how close he came to losing her.

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