Bad Boy Styles

Chapter 19

3 weeks had passed, the summer days getting longer and the weeks counting down till school restarted. Not a single word from Harry, he didn't call, didn't text, it was as if he had disappeared. Every time I walked by his house, his car would be gone or if it was in the drive, I would knock and no one would answer the door. I didn't know whether he was ignoring me, or if he was annoyed at me but I didn't like the fact of not talking to him at all.
I sat on my bed in my bedroom, staring aimlessly at my black phone screen, occasionally pressing the home button to see if any messages had come through. But none. I was like a mad woman, waiting for that one person to text me but never actually receiving a message from them. I hugged my knees to my chest, the evening sun shining into my silent room, making my face glow a musky orange colour.
I ran my hands through my hair, gathering every strand of my brown waves and putting them into a high ponytail and tying it with a hairband. I sighed, pressing my home button once more to reveal a blank lock screen, the time 6:30pm. I watched the time change to 6:31pm, then 6:32 since I had nothing to do, nothing to complete. I wanted Harry to call, I wanted him to text me and say that he had just lost his phone and only just found it after 3 weeks, I wanted him to apologise and come over. But he didn't, just silence.
I heard a knock on my bedroom door, to upset to call them in, I watched my door open and reveal and worried Maisie. "Are you ok?" She asked, smiling sympathetically. I sighed, crossing my legs and placing my hands in my lap. "Not really." I mumbled, looking at my daisy patterned bedding. Maisie took a deep breath out and sighed, placing a hand on top of my own. "Still no word from Harry?" Maisie asked, I could sense her warm smile even though I wasn't looking at her.
I shook my head, feeling my heart fail to stay positive. And I broke down. I let the tears fall, failing to hold them back as they flowed down my cheeks. Maisie acted fast and wrapped her arms around my body, pulling me close and gently rocking me. I rested my head just below her neck, letting out quiet whimpers as I let all my emotions empty out. "Shhh, it's ok." Maisie hushed, stroking my head and kissing my forehead softly.
I said nothing, I remained crying in Maisie's arms, not wanting to do anything more. After I started to calm down, Maisie remained to rock me gently back and forth, resting her chin on my head. "It's ok." She continued repeating, rubbing my back as I calmed down. I sniffed, since no more tears could escape. Maisie sighed, still rocking me as we sat on my bed.
"Why hasn't he called?" I whispered, my voice breaking again as a few tears slid down my cheeks. Maisie sighed once more, squeezing me gently. "I don't know Madds." Maisie whispered. "Maybe he is rather busy and hasn't had time."
I shook my head slightly, closing my eyes. "That's not the reason." I sniffed, keeping my hands in my lap. I lifted my head and looked at Maisie who smiled weakly at me. "Some people need a bit of space once in a while, but they always come back." Maisie whispered, wiping away the remaining tears on my cheeks. I looked into Maisie's kind, soft eyes. "Why am I crying? Why do I feel heartbroken?" I questioned, sniffing once more.
Maisie thought for a moment, looking at me with so much worry and concern. "I think Maddie that you are heartbroken." She whispered, I widened my eyes slightly. I was heartbroken? "Why would I be heartbroken?" I asked. "Harry obviously means more to you than you think." Maisie sighed, stroking my cheek with the back of her fingers.
I looked at her for a moment, blinking through the remaining tears. Maybe she was right, maybe I really did love Harry like I said I did.
I leaned over and grabbed my phone once more, unlocking it and scrolling through my contacts to Harry's number. I hovered my thumb over his number, deciding whether to call or not. "I say call him." Maisie said, kissing my forehead. "You'll regret it otherwise." She whispered, slowly getting up from my bed and making her way to my bedroom door. She turned back and smiled at me weakly, before walking out and quietly closing the door behind her.
I looked at my door for a second, then back at my phone which was still on Harry's number. Do I do it? Did I want to tell him that I actually did mean what I said, I did love him? I pressed Harry's number quickly, before slowly lifting my phone to my ear. It started to ring, the on going sound making my nerves grow. I wanted to hear his voice, I wanted to know that he was ok and that he wasn't in danger or anything.
"Hello?" A husky voice picked up, the words slurred and deep. I felt I could cry again, my heart melting as I heard the voice I wanted to hear. But why was his words slurred? Was he drunk? "H-Harry?" I whispered, biting the sleeve of my sweatshirt. "Maddie?" Harry asked back, his voice still not fully sober the sound of him taking sips from beer were heard. "Harry, y-your ok!" I whispered, a weak smile on my face. "Of course I'm ok, why?" Harry questioned. I swallowed, holding back the tears re-forming in my eyes. "I guess it's just sinceI haven't seen you in a while." I sighed, biting my finger nail.
I heard Harry sigh, a long deep sigh which didn't relax me. "Maddie, I'm only protecting you." He whispered, making my heart fall. "What do you mean?" I questioned, running a hand through my ponytail. Harry sighed once again, I could imagine him running his hand through his messy brown curls, his eyebrows creased as he thought hard. "It's better this way. I'm bad for you Maddie. Everything about me is not good and the further you stay away from me, the better." Harry spoke, firmly.
My mouth dropped slightly as I listened to his words slur, not believing what I was hearing. "Harry, I have a horrible past too! Not everyone is perfect Harry." I defended, letting a tear slip down my cheek. It stayed silent for a while, only Harry's breathing heard on the other end of the line. "Stay away from me Maddie, because the safer you will be." Harry whispered. Just as I was about to respond, the line went dead and a continuous beep sounded as Harry hung up.
I pulled my phone away from my ear, looking at the call ended. My hands began to shake, my lip began to tremble, tears threatened to spill. I had this horrible feeling in my stomach, a pain in my chest. Was this what heartbreak felt like? Was this how every girl felt when they were hurt?
I chucked my phone to the side, putting my head in my hands and falling back so I was lying on my bed letting out the drained sobs. The pain began to grow, stretching out all over my body as I cried away on my bed, as if slowly shattering. I felt like a glass vase, which had just been dropped and was broken into a million pieces and no one wanted to fix it. I felt weak, I felt shaky. I felt as if I could cry away the pain, sorrow and heartache, but it was impossible.
"Why did you have to fall for a Bad Boy?" I mumbled to myself, looking at the ceiling. I could tell my eyes would be red and puffy from crying, my cheeks tear stained and hard. "Why did you expect a Bad Boy to love?" I asked, letting out a pained sob.
I lifted my shaky hands to my eyes, and wiped away the salty tears and letting out a deep breath. I felt more confident around Harry, I felt alive and different. I thought I could be happy again and move on from the past, but of course the past had to return and bite me in the arse. I couldn't escaped from the past, I could leave it behind and carry on with life. It always had to be there, when I wake up, when I fall asleep, when I walk around doing my daily business. The past had to follow me wherever I went, whatever I did.
"Maddie! Lunch!" I heard Megan call, her voice hopeful that I would leave my room for a moment and go downstairs and eat. I had no energy to move from my bed, I had no interest of going downstairs and facing Nathan, Michael and Maisie in this state.
"I'm not hungry!" I managed to yell back without breaking down again. I turned on my side and climbed under my duvet, pulling it over my shoulders and closing my eyes. I didn't want to move from my bed, I didn't want to leave my room. I just wanted to drown in my sadness and list as many bad things in the world as I could think of.

1. People aren't robots, you can't make them say what you want them to say.

2. Harry's leaving me.

3. Charlie has returned, wanting both me and Harry.

4. Heart brake is painful and isn't at all quick and easy.

5. I'm ugly.

6. No one in this world cares about the fact I have been abused, raped and beaten.

7. I'm unable to tell a single person of my past, for I am threatened my my nightmare.

8. I'm worthless.

9. Bad boys are never the right choices.

10. A bad boy cannot love, they say they do. But they don't actually know what love feels like.

10 bad things were what I could think of, 10 bad things which sadly were true. I cuddled my duvet, pulling the sleeve of my sweatshirt over my hands. I once again ignored Maisie call up to me, asking if I was sure that I wasn't hungry. I replied with a strong "YES" and buried my face in my pillow, life was no piece of cake. Life was a big and giant rollercoaster with many twists and turns.....