Exiled (AmBw)

Chapter 46

Getting some sleep, I woke up with a clearer mind and a decision. I'm leaving, 4:40 pm on a flight back home tomorrow. I had chosen the most realistic option of the two. I wasn't a kid anymore, so wishful thinking was something I couldn't take to the bank. Staying here would be a mistake. There were too many what-ifs, and if there was one thing my aunt drilled into me was stability, stability, stability. The year my parents died, I gave up my childish dream to be a dancer and focused on getting a good, respectable job like my aunt always pushed. She said my parents had been sheltering me my whole life, and now that she was my legal guardian, I would need to grow up and see life as how it really was, and that's what I did. I made sure that all my decisions were firmly set in reality and made no room for daydreaming. Whether that meant giving up friends to make sure my grades were spotless or sacrificing my enjoyment to succeed, I did it. The day I received the call from BAZAAR that I got the job was the first time my aunt looked at me like I wasn't such a nuisance. At 22 years old, I had finally received some semblance of approval from my family, a good job, and an apartment, where they couldn't look down on me anymore. I fought so hard for all that I had in New York. It would be naive of me to give it all up because I'm happy here. 'Happiness wasn't everything. I had lived without it before, so doing it again should be fine.' I thought convincing myself I could follow through with my decision.

The sound of the doorbell pulled me out of my reflection. Moments after going to the door, Cyrstal walking into the room and sat on the bed.

Crystal: "How are you feeling now?" She asked.

Layla: "Better." I said, sitting up in the bed.

Crystal: "Good. Have you decided on what you're going to do?" She asked.

Layla: "Yes. I'm leaving." I said, telling her my decision.

Crystal: "Ok. What are you going to tell loverboy?" She asked.

Layla: "I left him a note, thanking him for all he has done for me. He already knows that I leave tomorrow, so there isn't much to say." I said coldly.

Crystal: "Apparently, there is more you can say because he's outside waiting to talk to you." She said, breaking the news to me.

Layla: "What!" I exclaimed.

Crystal: "Yup."

Layla: "Tell him I'm sleeping. I can't see him, Crystal." I panicked.

Crystal: "I already did. He said he'll wait until you wake up. I could tell him you died, but I doubt it'd be believable." She said, trying to make light of the situation. "I think you should talk to him." She said.

Layla: "I can't, Crystal." I said, feeling myself getting emotional.

Crystal: "You can, Layla, if going is your decision, then you have to own up to it. The man is obviously in love with you, give him closure; it would be cruel not to. He doesn't deserve that, does he?" she said, looking at me.

Layla: "I thought you told me I was doing the right thing." I said, recalling what she said at the door when I arrived.

Crystal: "You told me to tell you that you were doing the right thing. Frankly, I would have told you anything to calm you down." She said, not mincing words. You know what the right thing is to do, so do it. It may hurt, but that's just the consequence of being an adult. When you come back in, I'll have a bottle of wine waiting for you. She said, leaving the room.

Wishing everything she said wasn't the truth. I mustered up all the courage I had and went to speak to Naoto.

I looked at him as he sat on a nearby ledge waiting for me. He was held over with his elbows on his knees, and his hand clasped. Whatever courage I had waivered as I looked at him, and wanted so badly to run back into Crystal's room and hide, but she was right, he deserved better.

Layla: "Hey." I said, barely getting it out.

Naoto: "Hey." He said, getting up, walking closer to talk to me. "You cleared out everything from your room, are you ok?" He asked.

Layla: "Yeah." I answered. "I realized it was closer to get to the airport from Crystal's place, so I figure it would be easier to leave from here," I said, finding another reason for leaving that was believable.

Naoto: "I see. Did you not think I would take you to the airport?" He asked.

Layla: "I thought you would." I said, knowing the type of man he was. "I wasn't sure that if you did take me, I would still want to go."

Naoto: "You don't want to go?" He asked.

Layla: "I'm leaving tomorrow." I said, ignoring his question and getting straight to the point.

Naoto: "That's not what I asked." He said, not budging from his question.

Layla: "I know, but that's the only answer I have." I said, feeling myself get misty-eyed.

Naoto: "I see. Did you get my message?" He asked.

I nodded my head.

Naoto: "So, your feelings aren't mutual? He asked.

Layla: "We've only known each other for less than two weeks." I said, sidestepping his statement.

Naoto: "Again, that's not what I asked." He said, acknowledging that I was trying to avoid answering his question.

Layla: "Naoto, what do you want me to say." I said, starting to break down.

Naoto: "Talk to me. I want you to say what your feeling." He said, putting his hands on my shoulders. "What happened between last night and right now that you packed out and can't look at me now." He said, tilting my head to look at him.

Layla: "I got the promotion I wanted. They called this morning." I said, looking at him. "I've been slaving for a shot at this promotion for three years, and I got it," I said, explaining how important it was to me. "It was the reason I even came to Japan in the first place, and instead of being happy that I succeeded, all I could harp on was your message," I said, conflicted. Taking a moment to compose myself, I looked away from him. "What am I to do, Naoto? Give up my career because I've never felt so loved by someone or go back. How do I know that what you are feeling isn't infatuation? What would you do?" I asked, beginning to cry.

He stood silent for a while before he pulled me into his arms.

Naoto: "Why can't I be selfish this one time and tell you not to leave. Why can't I bring myself to persuade you to chose me instead? I want to so badly." He said, holding me tightly. "I want to kiss you and tell you I'll give you the moon, the stars, and everything else if you change your mind on going, but I can't." He said, releasing his hold. "I've felt infatuation before, Layla, and this isn't it." He said, looking in my eyes. I love you more than I can even express, and because I am in love with you, I won't ask you to choose between me and something you've worked hard to get. You haven't asked me to give up or change anything about my life. It would be unreasonable to ask that of you." He paused. "So go, but go knowing that I want you more than anything, and if circumstances where different, I would never let you go, I'd hold you close until you chose me, I'd kiss you until you picked me, and I'd love you till you couldn't imagine loving anyone else." He said lovingly. "Watching you walk into my heart was easy, but watching you walk out of it won't, but I'm willing to deal with that if you are sure that going back will make you happy. Will it?" He asked, holding my hands.

Layla: "It will." I lied.

Naoto: "Ok. Then it has been decided." He said, trying to come to grips with what I said. It's late. I'll see you tomorrow at the airport." He said, letting my hands go.

Layla: "Don't come tomorrow. Please." I said, hurting as I said the words. "If I see you there, I don't know if I'll have the strength to..." I said.

Putting his finger to my mouth, he stopped me from finishing my sentence, before resting his head on mine. After a bit, he sighed.

Naoto: "This is goodbye, then." He said, looking at me before kissing me on the forehead. "Goodbye, Miss Kato." He said, turning to walk away from me.

Just like that, the love of my life walked away and never turned back to look at me.