Highly Inappropriate

71.

"I'm so screwed."

"Yes, and you're an idiot.", Jess deadpanned as I watched her pack her bag while lying on her bed. "Like, HOW do you not know that vows are usually required on both parts not to mention the most important part of the entire wedding?!", she laughed out loud, unfazed by my annoyed and defeated face.

Actually, she was amused out of her mind and not helping me in the slightest.

So basically yeah, it was the day before my wedding and I had nothing. Last night I tried to sneak out of bed, but Ashley was clinging at me like a koala and it didn't take long for me to succumb at how tired I was.

"I wasn't even supposed to get into a relationship, let alone getting married, remember?", I groaned as I buried my face in my hands. "You need to help me."

"Oh, hell no. I love you, but I'm not helping you with your vows babe.", she stated, ignoring my desperate plea for help. "Besides, I'm already in enough trouble as it is with my speech."

"Please, don't embarrass me."

"You mean like, at all?", she scoffed, causing me to roll my eyes. "Huh, hello? Have we met?"

"I wish we hadn't.", I mumbled under my breath just for a magazine to be thrown at me.

"I heard that."

"I figured.", I smirked as I tossed it right back at her. "Seriously Jess, what am I gonna do? I'm so not good at these kind of things."

"What you're going to do is get your ass off my bed and go load the car cause we're running late.", she huffed, a small giggle escaping her lips as she figured I wasn't moving. "Okay look, once we get to Ashley's parents' house, you're gonna excuse yourself for a couple of hours, grab a pen and let your heart speak for itself. They're probably going to be the lamest vows ever, but you can do it, I believe in you."

"Not gonna lie, you had me up until 'itself'. You're a bitch, just so you know."

"I know."

"And how exactly am I going to excuse myself for a couple hours, you little genius?", I questioned as I released an exhausted sigh.

"Fuck if I know! Fake diarrhea or something."

"Ew, you're disgusting.", I gagged as I slowly stood from her bed. "Even though, that might actually work.."

"See? Problem solved.", she shrugged, a proud smile on her lips as she basically pushed me out of her room and down the stairs. "Now let's go make this wedding our bitch."

———

The drive to Ashley's parents mainly consisted in Jess and I singing at the top of our lungs every song that passed on the radio, especially the ones we didn't know the lyrics to. Every once in a while I would glance in my rearview mirror just to see Ash and Sky laughing their asses off in the car behind mine, no doubt doing the same exact thing.

As for my brothers, Sparky and my Grandma, I saw them speeding past us as soon as we got on the highway, beers and joints in hand as they cheekily waved us goodbye.

I asked them to be on their best behavior this weekend, so I could only hope they didn't show up totally wasted and high as fuck cause that would suck.

"...oh and you have to see the cake! It's- ugh, you're not even listening to me."

"I'm sorry babe, I spaced out.", I chuckled, smiling apologetically at her. "The cake, tell me all about it."

"I'm not telling you shit.", she grunted, crossing her arms against her chest as she dramatically turned her face towards the window.

"Why do you have to be like this?"