chapter 11

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I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous.

I sit next to Neville and Seamus at dinner. Ginny sits in front of us staring me down.

"You are acting weird Olivia," says Ginny. I look up from the plate of food I've barely touched. She's not wrong.

"Well I'd be acting weird too if I had just fought off a werewolf and a dementor!" says Seamus with a mouth full of food. No one knows Draco was the one that actually fought off the werewolf, but somehow it got out that I was attacked by one. My guess is someone overheard Snape talking about it. The Slytherins are always hanging around him to get the latest gossip.

"I didn't fight off a werewolf or a dementor, I simply got lucky," I mumble.

"Ginny is right Liv, you have been acting strange lately. Are you sure you are okay?" Asks Neville with genuine concern. They probably feel pretty pushed to the side lately. I've kind of been avoiding everyone since Draco kissed me. Speaking of Draco I see him look over at me then walk out of the dinner hall. I'm assuming that was my cue to follow.

"I'm okay, i've just been really stressed since Lupin's left. I'm worried about him and Harry, Ron, and Hermione." This isn't a lie because I am genuinely worried about them all. I just leave out the name of the other person I'm worried about too.

"Me too," says Ginny.

"Wait why are you so worried about Harry and the others?" Asks Seamus and I curse to myself silently because I honestly forgot he was right next to me.

"We just haven't heard from them in a little while, but I'm sure we are all overreacting," says Neville. I look at him and thank him with my eyes. That was good thinking. Quicker then me and Ginny.

I take this moment to excuse myself.

"I'm gonna head to the showers, I will catch up with you guys later in the common room." I say, standing up. Everyone says their goodbyes and I go towards the back doors of the castle.

When I walk outside the cold air hits me immediately. There is still a layer of snow on the ground from last week. I walk down the hill towards the lake and see Draco standing near the water. His pale skin glows in the moonlight and his hair shines in the darkness. He looks short from far away, but as I approach him he towers over me.

He turns around as I approach him. His face looks sad.

"Come here," he says softly. I stand next to him and he grabs my hand. My first instinct is to pull away, but I don't. "Look over there, right between those two trees past the lake." He stretches his arm out and my eyes follow where his finger points.

"It's the gates to Hogwarts." I say. He looks back at me.

"It's where I decided seven years ago after holiday that I had to get you to hate me." I look at him confused.

"What do you mean?" He sits down on the cold snow still holding my hand and I sit down next to him.

"After you were sorted into Gryffindor, I was shocked but my immediate reaction wasn't to shun you. In my eyes you were still the same Olivia you were before we walked through those gates." He sighs and looks out over the water. I continue looking at the side of his face while he talks. "When we went home for holiday and I saw how your parents basically threw you out as a child, I was scared. My parents talked so badly about you too after that and told me to never speak to you again. I didn't want to disappoint my parents and I figured the best way to stop talking to you was to get you to hate me."

I sit in silence. I never knew any of this. I thought he truly hated me because I was a Gryffindor and we were supposed to be enemies. I thought he had become the Slytherin we swore as kids we'd never be.

"I don't understand..." I whisper, trying to process everything. He looks back at me and we are staring each other in the eyes.

"I was mean to you all these years so you'd hate me. I thought it would be easier for both of us..." he trails off and I see tears welling in his eyes. "What I'm trying to say is I never hated you Olivia. I've always been there for you even if you didn't realize it because I was covering it with the sarcastic and mean comments. Every single time I've said something mean to you I've hated myself more."

I bring my hand up to his face slowly and wipe the single tear that fell from his eye. My hand is shaking and he grabs it after I wipe his tear away. We sit there looking at each other for a moment and I don't know how to respond.

"Draco, this is a lot to take in. How am I supposed to just accept that the seven years of torture were out of what kindness for me?"

"No, not at all. I was a coward. I've been a coward my whole life. I didn't stand up for you and that's my biggest regret." Now i'm the one tearing up.

This is so much information at once. I have a million different emotions flowing through my body right now. I stay silent and sigh. The puff of air shows up in a cloud in front of my face. We sit in silence for what feels like hours.

"Liv, say something, please.." he says.

"Why are you telling me all of this now? We have less then a year left here and you've kept up this act for this long. Why not do it for a few more months?" I ask.

"I didn't plan on telling you. Once Snape had me following you around I started watching basically everything you did." I look at him slightly startled.

"Well that's not creepy at all," I mutter.

"Sorry, it does sound bad, but I was only following orders. Anyways, once I started spending more time with you and after that night in the hall when I had uhm the panic attack...I couldn't help what I was feeling anymore. It's like I can't control myself anymore when I'm around you Liv." Once again Draco Malfoy has left me speechless.

"Panic attacks? That's what they are?" I ask softly.

"Yes," he says turning away from me again. I don't push anymore on the subject because I can tell he doesn't want to talk about that.

We sit holding hands. I lean closer to him and he puts his other arm around me. I allow myself to relax in his arms.

"What are we going to do Draco?" I ask.

"Whatever you want to do," he says holding me.

I look up at him while laying in his arms and sit up slightly so I am facing him. He reaches up to touch my cheek again and I lean in.

Our lips touch for a second time and I immediately warm up. He pulls away and smiles slightly at me.

"We can figure out the details tomorrow. Right now I want to enjoy this moment," I say.

I curl back up into his arms and look up at the stars.

For the first time in forever I finally feel like I'm home.
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this chapter made me emotional writing it. vulnerable draco UGH we don't get that very much, so enjoy it while it lasts.

-Kiersten <3

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