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" Y/n I'm just not ready for a relationship I just can't!" Timotheé yells at me.
I've been in love with Timotheé since the first day I saw him in theater arts. That smile and those gorgeous eyes on his face. I felt like we had a instant connection immediately and we were at each other's houses and out doing fun stuff all the time. We were in the talking stage in no time, but he asked to be friends so he could go for McKenna Brantley. That week was hell and it broke me to pieces, but I put Timmy's happiness first because I love him so much. I'll push through the pain if I'm not the one, even if she's is the popular senior who doesn't give two shits about him. She has stood him up countless of times and leaves him hanging all the time. Though I call, make sure I reach out to him and would drop anything if he needs me.
"No JU- just say you don't want to be with me! You want to be with McKenna Just admit it and stop lying to me Timotheé!" I sob.
He looks at me with his red puffy eyes and pauses. I need to hear this because I can't let this man let me walk around with the impossible in my head. It's driving me to the point of insanity how bad I want this man. I want to run into his arms and treat him with all the love I have, and I simply need to those words. Clean and clear so my heart understands. I don't want to be sobbing in my room at midnight because his eyesight is on her while I tell him about my day. I can't share a man who doesn't want me in the first place is what bff/n told me.
"SAY IT!" I thunder throughout his empty apartment.
I'm tired of listening to my head. I say I'm over with Timotheé and right when he glances at me, my heart wants to give all my energy to him. I can't stop playing these stupid scenarios that he'll realize he loves me. I've prayed to God to have this man love me, to just simply feel the same way I'm feeling because I'm dying at this point.
"I don't love you and I can't see myself with you." He lets out the words that crush my soul.
I feel my whole body wince in pain for a second but I just nod and grab my backpack from his desk. Everything feels like in slow motion and I just know this is the end of everything. I grab the doorknob and every memorable memory of us flashes in my head. I want to leave with a goodbye but this is a chapter...hit-the end of u- it. I open the door and leave. - 1monthlater
It's the last week before winter break and I hand out my gifts for my best friends. I look across at the cafeteria and at Timotheé with his friends laughing. His eyes crinkle from happiness and I'm finally happy for the right reason because I know better now. I think Christmas time is a good time to reflect on the blessings. I didn't know my self worth that I begged for a man to love me and leave me. I was so desperate for his love I begged God for him and asked why I wasn't good enough for Timotheé or why he didn't love me back. I cried myself for a few weeks but I got back and realize I shouldn't live like that anymore.
I don't wish bad on Timotheé because his feelings are valid. I took me time though but thinking about my future self helped me get through it. Now I know and acknowledge that there's more blessings on my path. I wish I could send love to my past self, give her a hand in the hell she went through and comfort her. Though I wake up to her everyday and look at the mirror and hug that same girl. I thank her for pushing through it and not crawling back to what hurt me. I didn't love myself and put love into someone else because I was desperate. I look away and smile as my friends squeal at their gifts thanking me. I laugh and and shrug.
"Hey Babe." Y/bf/n sits down pecking my check short afterwards.
Timotheé pov
I look over at Y/n at her table with her best friends and boyfriend. He's a lucky man because damn how I missed out on a great girl. She glowed up from her nerdy fits and looks just...stunning and her personality is amazing. I do miss her, but I know she has a boyfriend now. I wish I didn't lead her on for McKenna because so after I sent Y/n heart broken, McKenna ghosted me for some dude in UCLA in football. It is awkward to see her in theater and I can tell she sneakily gives me less spotlight in tech crew, but I deserve it. I just know it's the end of u- it.
