Beyond Denver

Chapter 12

"Get some fresh water. You are white as a ghost," TJ says as he brings me a glass of water. I'm glad he's home today and not working as always.

"I barely can recall what happened. My mind is foggy," I tell him. And that's true. I can only remember the first image of the bathroom scene with Buddy lying on the floor. The EMT and police coming to Sophie's. Not the details in order.

"That sounds like a defense mechanism," TJ says. He is one of the most thoughtful people I have met since I moved to this town. I know it's not a coincidence. His sister and I attended boarding school together during our high school years and became friends. I had met TJ and his parents once when they came to pick up Tara for the Thanksgiving holiday. 

I had refused to spend the holiday with my parents. Books had become my new way of connecting to the world. Mother would reach out often via phone. "Come with us to Georgia," Tara said. She was right. I took only one of the books with me and headed to their home in Atlanta. A new friendship was formed. 

"I forgot to clean up the bathroom before I left. I was already there past my shift, "I say, consumed with guilt.

TJ presses his lips together, "Jeff is there now, Cinderella. He is capable of mopping the floor."

"Mike can..."

"Don't worry about him. This guy is an idiot. I'll make you some chamomile tea to help you relax. This will help you, Cinderella. I promise." I can't believe TJ still calls me Cinderella. The whole joke started with me and Tara in that boring boarding school. We nicknamed our spoiled classmates with Disney characters based on their annoying personalities.

When I asked Tara what character fit me best, Tara said I was Cinderella. "You have to admit to yourself you are kind of reclusive. And maybe a dreamer even though you never share your goals with me. 

"Well, it is just me and my books, I guess."

"Exactly." She said. Then, she named herself after Tiana from The Princess and the Frog because she was practical and opinionated. Maleficent and Cruella were Felicia and Alicia. They were manipulative and spoiled, angry and bitter at times. But honestly, I never blamed them. We had nothing else to do in that place, nothing to keep ourselves busy outside the classroom and assignments. There weren't even boys there.

Tara was my only friend, but she didn't know about my past even then. And neither does DJ. 

TJ quickly prepares the tea as I fix myself on the chair by placing a pillow behind my back.

"You're like family, Cassidy. I'm sorry you were not accepted at Princeton, but I'm glad you got into UW. I couldn't find a better roommate. I'm sure Tara misses you."

"I don't know, TJ. She barely heard from her since she moved into the dorms."

"She is Tara being Tara. I know my sister. She is exploring and Trying to  fit in in NYC."

"Why did your parents send her to that boarding school?"

"Tara wanted to go there more than anything. She got a scholarship."

 I'm sure your parents had the same thought when they sent you to Forest Ridge. There is only one difference. My parents would never be able to pay the high-cost tuition. Honestly, Cassidy, my dad, had to work overtime only to cover gas expenses, food, and hotels on the way from Atlanta to Seattle just to be able to see Tara. One time, we took peanut butter and jelly for three days.""I'm sorry," I tell him. Tara had told me about her difficult life back home, but she was proud of her hardworking parents who wanted the best for her and TJ. "I knew it was terrible for you to take that shift. It was your day off.""I know. Thank God I wasn't alone. Jeff was there with me.""I'm wondering how he handles that shit show. Isn't Jeff the upstairs neighbor Scarlet likes to constantly complain about?""Yes, that's the one. He was fine. Better than me. But I swear if it wasn't for the customer to remind us that man was still inside the bathroom, who knows how long he'd be there. Maybe Mike or Scarlet would find him the next day?""Well, he probably would be dead by then.""This was my fault. I gave the poor man the spoon." TJ raises an eyebrow, "That's not your fault. You know better. This man would have found another way." "That's what the cops told me. But still...I couldn't perform CPR on him if the customer wasn't there." I say as I bring the tea to my mouth. The tea is still hot and burns the tip of my tongue, so I decide to wait a little longer until it gets cold. There is a suffocating feeling inside my chest. A throb in my heart I have felt once in my life. "Listen. There is a day in my life I'll never forget, Cassidy. My friend and I met two hot chicks dancing in a club. They were drinking, and they were a little bit straightforward. I didn't tell you that to Tara, so please do not repeat it. It wasn't my freshman year. By the way, those girls and I exchanged phone numbers and they called me and my friend to go to their hotel room. I told them we would eat at first and we'd think about it. My friend was pissed. He asked if I was gay and what my problem was that I was not heading to their hotel. We went to a Denny's, and after the meal, he got my phone and dialed their number three times. Of course, the girls never answered, so we assumed they passed out drunk or moved on to the next guys. The next thing I knew, the police arrived at my place the next day to conduct an investigation. I lived in the dorms, so you can imagine how much that called their attention. I wasn't even there when they arrived for the first time. They interrogated each student about my living situation, lifestyle, and what I liked. Most students said I was a student with great academic performance. Some mentioned I was a private person and secretive about my personal business. Then they returned the next day when I was finishing my exams at school. The landlord opened my room so the cops could check everything inside. I arrived just in time when the officers left my room. They had left my room a mess and asked me to come to the station to answer a few questions.""I was held in custody for a very long time. One cop showed me the picture of the girls and asked me if I knew them. I said yes. They asked me how and where. Then they asked me what I was doing in the club and why and with whom I went. I explained the story over and over to them. I asked them what was happening, and they wouldn't tell me. I told them I had to study for another exam I'd have the following day, and that's when one cop finally told me what happened. Both girls died of an overdose on the same night.""But why you, TJ?""Guess who had made the last call to their cell phones?" He points to himself, "Me. Even though my friend called them. He still called from my phone. How do you think I feel about this? Could I have saved their miserable lives if my friend and I kept them in the club another hour with us? If we had convinced them to eat with us at Denny's?""Oh my gosh, TJ. I'm so sorry. This is awful.""The cops wanted to know if I had been the guy who sold the drugs that killed these girls. Then they called my friend to ensure my story and his were a match but never kept him long or went back to the dorms to check his room. Why? His father is a famous lawyer in Madison, and I'm sure they don't want to mess around with his family. I'm the poor guy from Georgia.""I'm sorry you had to go through this, TJ. I have no idea." I want to tell him the right words, but I know nothing right will come out. I admire TJ, though. Nothing stops him. He's always moving in the right direction. "I knew I could no longer live in the dorms. People avoided me. Over time, some stupid guy there harassed me by breaking into my room to destroy my working laptop and a few more things. I filed a complaint with the office, but the property manager didn't do anything to help or support me. The manager said the only solution for me was to pack my stuff and leave the dorms. After I left, I got a letter stating he held me responsible for any property damage caused in the room. Since then, I stopped going out. I avoid crowded spaces and strange people." "That explains why you work all the time.""You moved here at the right time. I left the dorm and stayed with a coworker for over a month while looking for another apartment, and then you moved here. It's a blessing. God knows better. Do you believe in fate, Cassidy? I do," TJ places his hands over his chest. "I think there is a reason why you didn't go to Princeton and landed right here in Madison with me.""I don't believe in fate, TJ. I believe in coincidences, but not fate.""Everything is a test for our personal growth. I have no doubt you saved me by getting this apartment. However, you will find your own fate here in Madison. I don't know what it is, but the answers will come at the right time.""Maybe." I don't tell TJ I have lost faith in the answers. In fact, I never looked for them because those answers would never bring me happiness. Only pain. I drink my tea. It is less hot now and doesn't burn my tongue anymore. "Cinderella. Let me ask you this. Have you ever spent most of your years wondering why your car's windshield is so big and the rear mirrors are so small?""I don't have a car," I chuckle."You know what I mean, Cassidy. This is the answer I have for you. It's more important to focus on your windshield than mirror your past. Driving forward is more precious than staring into what's buried in your rear mirror. Most people wonder what they could have done differently in the past and how they could have changed it. I know I can't change mine, and neither do you.""Did Tara tell you anything about me?"TJ thinks, but only for a second. "Yes, but only a small part of it. I'll never judge you; your secret is safe with me."