Chapter Four

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by LillyStoryTeller

by LillyStoryTeller

I woke early that morning to the sound of chirping birds and the steady breaths of sleeping girls. Carefully I grabbed my robe and tiptoed over Krystal and Tiny, shutting the door behind me as carefully as we could. I was a morning person and didn't want to wake anyone. We were up late last night gossiping and we all fell asleep in Cecilia's room.

I gave my girls the day off today because I just wanted to be alone. We have classes with Adsila later this afternoon and a very important apperance on the Report tomorrow with Gavril. All I needed was some time alone, that's all. I needed time to figure out what I was going to do with myself.

Tying my hair in a ponytail and grabbing my journal I snuck away to the music room. It wasn't even 8 am yet and I was almost a hundred percent sure no one else was awake. I needed time to think. I didn't see Will yesterday, or Ora. I found it strange. Ora never misses a sleep over. Ever.

I tried to ignore the panging feeling in my heart. Besides it wasn't fair for me to feel this way. It wasn't right. This is a competition. And if Ora felt anything for Will it wouldn't be right for me to be angry, because really. Aren't we all doing the same exact thing?

Somtimes I like taking the long way to the music room. Walks like that tend to ease my mind. I lost track of how many of us are left. 9? I really don't pay attention anymore. I started thinking to myself about how the Selection may go and it dawned on me that this could go two ways.

I could win.

I could lose.

And I really didn't know how I felt about either.

What if something happened and Will had a change of heart? What if he did fall truly in love with someone else. I started thinking about how I would handle that. Would I be willing to let him go for the sake of someone else's happiness? But I guess that's what you're supposed to do isn't it? What if he really fell in love with Ora and Ora with him.

I would leave. I can't be selfish enough to think that maybe if I stood a little longer and fought a little harder he might pick me instead. That's not fair. I tried swallowing the lump in my throat and concentrated on the sound of my heels clicking against the marble.

If I lost I wouldn't mope around. I'd go back home as a three and make something of myself. I'd buy a nice house and become a doctor, just like I always wanted. Go to school, get a degree, then open up a children's hospital. It would a non-profit hospital.

I couldn't even count the number of children in Carolina that got sick in the winter but their parents couldn't afford a proper doctor. I could do so many things.

But, and this is a huge but, what if I did win. What would I do then? What about Leslie, and Emily, and daddy? I couldn't be a princess. I wasn't princess material! The only thing I've done my whole life was serve someone else and nail my roof togehter! I'd be no good at running a country.

And then there was whether or not I might want to marry Will. Do I? What does love entail?

I heard a familiar giggle come from down the hallway and I stopped. Quickly I turned the next corner and stuck my head around.

"But you can't say anything!"

I smacked my hand over my mouth to smother my gasp.

Will shook his head and squeezed Ora's hands tightly. "Of course not. You have my word"

Ora smiled like I never saw her smile before. She jumped, wrapping her arms around Will's neck and hugged him tight with a squeal. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!"

Will chuckled. "But you can't tell anyone" he looked at her a bit more seriously. "The press would have a field trip with this"

Ora shook her head, her long brown blonder hair flying around, and she flattened out her red dress. "My lips are sealed."

"You tend to be quite the gossip."

Ora's jaw dropped. "I am not. I'll have you know I'm the only one that can keep a secret here!"

Will smiled again. "Alright then. Tomorrow evening in the gardens after the Report"

Ora nodded firmly. "Deal"

*******

After that I ran as fast as I could to the music room. I felt my heart breaking. Maybe I'm just crazy, maybe I'm a fool, maybe I don't know what love is. But one thing I do know is that this sucks and I want to go home. Now.

Fiercely I pounded the keys of the piano. I needed to channel my energy into something else because if I didn't I'd break something. There's a song in my heart and I let it play through my fingertips letting the energy travel.

Be calm, I told myself.

Be calm.