Friends Like These: Fivesome

Jin's Epilogue

Another month later, it's a Sunday and the 5 have gone for training again.

Trainer: "so we have a real baby today and we'll be taking turns in carrying it."

Tan: "is it a boy or a girl?"

Trainer: (with a very soothing voice) "gender doesn't matter, all babies are babies and should be handled as such."

Mild: "I would like to train them younger especially if it's a boy."

Trainer: "you have to be super gentle. We don't recommend anything strenuous in the first eighteen months of a baby's life. They should just eat, poop and sleep."

Gulf: "for some reason, it sounds boring."

Jin: "don't say that."

Trainer: "father-to-be would you like to give it a try?"

Jin: "I would rather wait with the baby holding."

Bright: "it's time for you to learn so that you'll know how to do when yours is here."

Mild: "just practice holding me."

Jin: (fist bumping Mild, To the trainer) "I'll just hold him."

Trainer: "ok so this is how you hold a baby especially when they having a bottle."

Tan: "why would babies have bottles?"

Mild: "your guess is as good as mine."

Gulf: "what happened to breast milk?"

Bright: "when do they start having bottles again?"

Trainer: (holding his laughter)  "as soon as they're born, it's the choice of the parent."

Jin: "that's some crazy shit."

Tan: "do they have like pints of just the regular?"

Trainer: (chuckles) "when we say bottles we mean milk bottles."

Gulf: "wow"

Mild: "mind blowing right?"

Jin: "Who would have known."

Trainer: (the baby starts crying)

Bright: "Why do I find this noise annoying?"

Gulf: "I agree with you."

Jin: (stressed) "guys I don't think I can do this."

Tan: "to be honest me too."

Jin: "I think we'll rethink having those."

Trainer: "isn't your wife almost six months in?"

Gulf: "go ahead and just pop our bubble will you?"

Jin: "is there a way to just...?"

Trainer: "it's too late I'm afraid."

Jin: (turns to the group, approaching the door) "guys, drinks?"

Bright: "much deserved."

Mild: (to the trainer, following Jin) "it was nice doing business with you."

Gulf:  (with a smile on his face) "I hope to never meet you again."

Trainer: (holding up the baby and it stops crying) "I'm here whenever you need me."

Mild: "it's not usually that easy making it stop crying right? You're just trying to convince us to stay, right?"

Bright: "Let's not fall for it gentlemen and just go."

Two hours later,  at Mild's house.

Jin: (wasted, words jumbled)  "I don' wanna  hafe a baaaaby."

Mild: (drunk)  "I wish I were sober enough to take a video of a drunken Jin on a Sunday."

Jin: "see, dis baby is-oready making me sin on a sabbath,"

Gulf: (tipsy) "I'm dreading the next year of my life and the baby is not even mine."

Bright: "We all know how it's going to be."

Tan: "should we stop these trainings?"

Mild: "I'm not up for them but we have to keep on going or we'll be in prison for murdering an infant."

Bright: "what is infant again?"

Mild: "at least I learnt something during these trainings. What have you been doing?

Jin: (phone ringing. Puts it on loudspeaker)

Katy: (excited) "Hey hubby the baby just kicked."

Jin: (drunk voice slurred) "Well kick it back."

Katy: "are you drunk?"

Jin: "I'm at the church and we drank a little bit of holy wine. Do you know that babies have bottles? Do we have those yet? Did you buy the bottles? If you don't want the baby to suck your titties give them a bottle. Why? Because babies can have bottles. The earth is round, what else is new?"

Katy: "Jin"

Jin: (feeling wronged and frustrated) "I told you we should wait. I'm not mentally ready for this Katy."

Katy: "can you just come home and we'll talk?"

Jin: "I'll come home tomorrow. I need some time to think." (Ends call)

Gulf: "Thank goodness I'm gay."

Jin: (hopeful and desperate) "can I be gay too?"

Bright: "too Late for that. let's get wasted today and forget about everything."

Jin: (feels happy)

Bright: "Next week we're going back to training and holding babies."

Jin: (feels sad)

Tan: (observing) "How is it that drinking is more exciting than training to be a father?"