I'm suffocating

Chapter 23

When we finally got home I felt like a stranger, like I wasn't suppose to be there

Tim looked even more uncomfortable than me,I could see him glancing at me every second as we made our way through the gate and up to the front door

"Shit,"

I looked up and saw Tim's keys slip out of his hands,that was a surprise, Tim was never clumsy or panicked.

It felt like an eternity before the door was finally opened, the keys had fallen a total of 5 times.

I awkwardly walked directly behind Tim,unsure of what to do.

He made his way straight to the kitchen most likely to grab a beer so I decided to slump down onto our beaten couch.

I don't realise how tense my whole body was until I relaxed. I didn't wanna be here,I found myself selfishly wishing my attempt had worked.

I dug my nailed into my wrist,directly below my bandages,curious at how deep the mark could go.

I scratched harder and harder each time thinking about each and every one of my mistakes.

A hand grabbed my arm suddenly and I jumped "Stop that," Tim said sternly,I hadn't even noticed him walk back in

I awkwardly pulled my hands away,letting them sit in my lap,fiddling with a loose piece of fabric on my jeans

Tim sunk done into the couch next to me and that's when I finally realised how exhausted he looked. The dark bags under his eyes indicated that he hadn't slept in days.

That only fuelled my guilt, I knew this was all my fault, I should have just died and let both my siblings finally rest maybe then they would be happy.

I jumped up suddenly casing Tim to look up
"Where you going?" he asked

"My room,"

He looked distressed "maybe you shouldn't be alone for a long time?"

"Imma go sleep," I huffed "I'm not gonna fucking slit my wrists ,"

He stiffened and I inwardly slapped myself
'Great going' I thought

I couldn't do anything right.

I decided to just go before I said something else I would regret

"Sorry," I muttered only when I was halfway up the stairs,I wasn't even sure if he heard.