uncle: "Can you please pass the Spam, Hueningkai?"
hueningkai: "Sure."
uncle: "Thank you."
hueningkai: "You're welcome."
aunt: "How's your hand doing?"
hueningkai: "It's fine."
aunt: "No more bleeding."
hueningkai: "Barely any. The bandaid and ointment really helped."
aunt: "I'm glad."
uncle: "How was school today?"
hueningkai: "Mountain of homework."
uncle: "[y/n]?"
y/n: "Someone farted in my fourth period."
hueningkai: "Is 'someone' code for 'I?'"
y/n: "No, I didn't fart. God."
hueningkai: "Just making sure you're not in denial. Passing gas is a normal, human experience--"
uncle: "No talk of far... passing gas at the table, please."
hueningkai and y/n: "Sorry."
uncle: "[cousin], how was school?"
(silence)
uncle: "Honey? I said, how was school for you?"
(silence)
uncle: "[cousin]."
cousin: "Hm?"
uncle: "Are you texting during dinner?"
cousin: "Never."
uncle: "Then what is keeping your lap preoccupied?"
cousin: "Noth--"
hueningkai: (mumbles) "She's texting."
uncle: "[cousin], you know the rules. Give me your phone, please."
cousin: "But I need to respond to that text!"
uncle: "I'm sure it can wait."
cousin: "It's urgent."
uncle: "Is it related to schoolwork?"
cousin: "No, but--"
uncle: "Then no phones at the dinner table."
cousin: "It's still urgent because..."
uncle: "Because?"
cousin: "Because I got asked out on a date!"
(silence)
uncle: "Excuse me?"
aunt: "Are they cute?"
cousin: "I did. I got asked out on a date and I want to go."
uncle: "And I want to win the lottery."
aunt: "Honey."
uncle: "Absolutely not. One thousand percent no."
aunt: "Come on, be reasonable. It's only a first date."
uncle: "That's how we started and look at us now."
cousin: "In a loving marriage with kids!"
uncle: "Kids? Do you want me to have a heart attack--"
cousin: "Dad, I'm not going to have kids right now. God. I'm just saying. Please?"
uncle: "No. Who is this person, anyway?"
hueningkai: (mumbles) "An intelligent bore."
[COUSIN kicks HUENINGKAI underneath table]
uncle: "[y/n], do you know about this?"
y/n: (shakes head)
cousin: "This is important to me. I promise I'll be back home early. No funny business."
uncle: "It's not you that I don't trust."
aunt: "Why don't we make a compromise?"
uncle: "Oh god, not that word..."
aunt: "Why don't we meet this person?"
cousin: "That'snot necessary..."
aunt: "And [y/n] has to come with you."
uncle: "And Hueningkai."
hueningkai: "Me?"
uncle: "Yes. I trust you."
hueningkai: "You do?"
uncle: "Not usually but for this, I do."
cousin: "I don't know if he would be comfortable meeting my parents on the first date."
uncle: "He better make himself comfortable or you can't go. Are we clear?"
