Chapter 22 page 3 - Ma Tora Dost Darom

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We check out an hour before the time, fear that traffic might catch up on us especially on the highway towards mainland and south. He insists that I should forgo my flight ticket and travel back to KL with him, saying he will pay me full fare of the return flight. I accept his offer once again just to satisfy my desire to be close to him because when we return to the office the next day, things will resume like it is defaulted.

He allows me to have control of his car audio, so I officiate it with Ed Sheeran's 'Perfect' which best describes us just to set the mood. 

We exited the island via the Penang Bridge in a breeze with lesser traffic. I take out my phone from my pocket, taking a few shots of this iconic structure. Saint smiles, watches my exhilaration with much contentment as we have our first selfies together on the road.

We continue our journey towards and pass a couple toll booths, enter and exit intersections of highways before Saint opts to enter village roads just to appreciate kampung (village) sceneries of paddy fields, timber-concrete houses, underdeveloped settlements and a group of youngsters rolling in their bicycles.

I always feel that Saint is a Malay at heart despite being of Irish-Hazara descent. He doesn't really discuss much about any of his parents' traditional and customary practices other than their liberated lifestyle. He could have picked up something from his daddy when he lived with him in Dublin during his youth, but he didn't. Perhaps he doesn't have anything to share, hence his preference to be in touch with the local culture is stronger.

I recall last night's event that still bothers me. I can't help but to have reruns of memories of us from young until now.

I'm weighed down by my own morality and qualms of what would happen to us in future. Not only that I've sinned, but I also fear for Saint's sudden change of heart. I assume Saint just wants me for a night stand. My heart sinks to the thought that this might be just another ephemeral ecstasy.

"Something's bothering you?" he senses my troubled mind like a psychic.

I sigh before relaying my discontentment to him, "The thing that happened between us at the hotel, was that for me or for Anita?"

"I don't want to hear her name anymore, she's history," he sparks his cagey tone at me.

"In just one night?" I ask him puzzled. "Have you ever thought of giving yourself some space to heal before you move on?"

"She's easy to forget but you aren't," he admits.

I pause for a while, digesting his statement and resume to ask bluntly, "Whatever happens in Penang stays in Penang?"

"Be careful, you don't want to go there," he warns me.

"Well, I felt something, but I don't know if it was real or just something unattached," I say admittedly. "So, what am I to you now?"

"Someone whom I deserve to be with, like you said," he answers generously, curving the corner of his lips to a small grin.

"But I'm not that same girl you once knew, I've changed."

"I beg to differ," he opposes. "That's not a holistic observation when you can only see it from your own point of view. You're still that same person I fell in love with even if you're as stubborn as a mule."

"But I'm not even half as gorgeous as any of your Hooters girls. You deserve someone who doesn't tear you apart, not me," I press on, still denying my feelings for him.

"Them over you who completes me? Don't be so ignorant?" he raises his eyebrow at me. "I don't fall for temporary bliss like them, they're meant to take my mind off you, but they aren't you. Forget what I said to you about not needing you. I need you more than anyone, even more than Anita. You're my Padme for eternity, remember?"

Once again Saint's words make me dumbstruck to the brink. I don't even remember any of our conversation as kids because they were insignificant to me, but he rekindles it like it meant the world to him.

"But I left you," I whisper breathlessly, recovering from the daze.

"And yet, God brings you back to me," his eyes smile at me behind his shades. "You fell in love with the wrong people, so I forgive you. I'm a man of my word when I say that I'll be there during your solitary. So, here I am still wanting you. Ma tora dost darom."

The last phrase catches my attention, so I ask him, "Ma tura what? What does it mean?"

"It's 'I love you' in Dari. Mommy used to say to me," he explains.

His words shake me with happiness. Subconsciously, I thank all the men who rejected me or didn't make it through the cut. They have paved the path for Saint to walk through to my door and win me. I'm meant to be with him no matter how far I would run from this fate.

For a while then I realize Saint is skewing away from the main route, meandering without Waze's help and into a smaller road that is only used by estate workers. When we turn into a small junction surrounded by rubber plantation, my guts churn. The road ahead of us becomes untarred, dusty, and narrow, enough to fit only one vehicle to pass.

I ask Saint where we're heading but he doesn't say. At that juncture, the vegetation around us becomes thicker and the scenery transforms into a dark forest while Saint's Rubicon ventures further into an unknown which leads into a dead end.

"Saint, is everything okay? Why are we stopping?" I ask when he pulls over the vehicle and turns off the engine.

My eyes prancing frantically around the area, there's a minimal presence of sunlight as the canopy of the jungle shields it from reaching the bed of undergrowth. The sight of creepy unruly foliage surrounding the vehicle looks disturbing and alive.

"All this talking makes me horny," Saint suddenly announces, pushing out the driver's door.

"What? You want to do it now? In the forest?!" my voice lilting out of panic, feeling the dense air outside slowly seeping into the vehicle.

"I prefer cemeteries, but I can't find one," he admits.

"We just had sex twice!"

"I can't stop my dick from wanting you too much," he hops out, clueless to whatever that's out there in the jungle, regardless of its form. "The quicker we do it, the earlier we leave."

He pops the back door open and enters into the back seat, urges me to follow him.

He pops the back door open and enters into the back seat, urges me to follow him

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