Chapter 24 - Confession

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I'm shaken by several harsh raps behind the bathroom door. I hear Saint's shouting from outside demanding me to open the door.

I scurry around to dispose of the evidence of my pregnancy but the bathroom rug is a bad idea as he might feel the bump underneath it. The vanity cabinet is too obvious and the trash bin is the most sought after for a secret dumping ground. I forage for other least tangible places for hideouts but the knocking turns banging interrupts my cognition. Frantic, I flush the stick out and shut the toilet lid close before reaching for the door.

"What the hell did you lock the door for?!" Saint demands as I push the door open.

"I needed to tinkle," I respond nervously.

"I asked why you locked it?" he repeats impatiently.

"Reflex," I give a safe answer. "What's up?"

"Explain this," he flicks a thin piece of what it looks to be an instant film at my face. "Norma found this when they cleared your workstation this afternoon."

I catch the insta film from reaching to the floor and I'm horrified by the sonogram image printed on the film. It is a small black hollow with a pale white opaque circle forming in the middle. The image dated in 2018 with my name on it, was the ultrasound result of my first pregnancy.

"I thought I got rid of it," the words pass through my lips subconsciously and he catches it

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"I thought I got rid of it," the words pass through my lips subconsciously and he catches it.

"Why were you hiding it from me? Was it someone else's?" he interrogates.

"No, it wasn't," I stutter, too afraid to look him in the eye.

He forces another question between gritted teeth, "What happened to the baby?"

"I whuh – I... was uhmm..." I stammer, unable to give an immediate answer without feeling a lump on my throat swelling. My gaze follows him as he ambles past me and sits on the covered toilet seat.

"You can come clean or you can swindle your words like you used to. Either way, I doubt I like both answers," he looks up at me and then glances at his Tissot watch with his arms crossed. "Any time before Christmas!"

I'm wearing thin on options to escape but to tell the truth. I never thought I would be this terrified trying to explain my past sins to him. I quietly pray that he would not lay his hands on me throughout this conversation.

"I was late on my period a month after last year's Board Breakout. So, I went to a clinic and found out I was pregnant. I panicked and wasn't sure how you'd react to it if I were to tell you," I say briefly while Saint grimaces to my explanation but refrains himself from interjecting. "Then, I took the matters in hand and nipped it out."

"How did you have the audacity to do such a thing?" his voice shakes as he speaks and I sense a flicker of irritation in it. "Am I a fuckboy solely for your gratification?"

"It's not morally right to have illegitimate kids," I state out my reason.

"Under which decree?!" he shoots.

"I don't want to jeopardise our position at the Bank," I justify.

"And taking a child's life is a noble thing to do?!" he spews mockery at me.

"Sayang, the Sharia ustad rule the office like Catholic school pastors. If we got caught, we'd both be losing our jobs," I reason out.

For a moment Saint gapes at me incredulously, too flummoxed to sink in and too angry to speak. This makes me realise that I just aggravated the conversation by providing him flopped reasoning.

"You're a heartless, inhumane person I've ever met. It's no wonder God never wanted you to be a mother," he lashes out. "You deprive of a child's right to live so that people can see you as holy? How could you?"

"Hey, I had sleepless nights thinking this through. I was afraid, I was upset and I was out of hope. And I've been hating myself ever since that abortion," I defend myself but Saint isn't buying it.

"I feel like beating you up and kicking you out right now, but I'm not my daddy and I don't want to be him," he snarls, tamping down his smouldering frustration from erupting. "I wish I can quit on you but I can't. I bet you must've put hexes on my food growing up, now you're holding my heart hostage. But I can't believe you did this to me, especially to that kid!"

"I thought it was the best for us–"

"You don't know a fuck about what's best for us!" he jumps from the toilet seat, throwing his wrath around the bathroom.

I've seen him mad for many accounts but this is by far the worst. Nevertheless, he has all the right to be upset, I just killed his offspring.

He knocks the bathroom shelf down and strikes the trash bin to the floor as I watch in horror. He then, kicks the toilet bowl cover lid up that it springs open before ricochets back to the seat.

He stops the kicking after catching a foreign object inside the toilet bowl when it flaps open. To satisfy his curiosity, he lifts the lid once again before bending down for inspection.

'Shit!' I curse to myself after realising that the stick I disposed of didn't make it through the toilet flush.

Saint retrieves the stick from the bottom of the bowl and dries it with a bathroom towel before examining it. He's aghast to see the two lines on the indicator of the stick.

"Saint, please," I reach for the stick but he wards me off.

"You plan to hide this one too?" he waves the stick at me. "What's next? Suck it out like you did with the first, then lie to me?"

"I don't know, I haven't decided yet," I sigh in exhaustion from the arguing.

He flits his gaze between the stick in his clenched palm and me, then pauses for deliberation. He shuffles to the sink, washes his hands and wends his way out through the messes he created.

"I give you another chance to redeem yourself," his glances back at me. "Get ready, I'll take you to the OB-GYN and have you properly assessed."

"And then what?"

"And then we'll see your parents and have it rectified," he answers crisply and exits the bathroom.

"And then we'll see your parents and have it rectified," he answers crisply and exits the bathroom

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