Jaded Eyes (Jori)

14: Heavy Absence

Waterfalls just kept pouring from Tori's eyes, and it seems as though they weren't going to stop for a while. Her vision was blurry but not blurry enough where she couldn't see the road. Well, the road was difficult to see, but if she squinted hard enough, it would be fine.

How could Jade just turn off her feelings like that? As if emotions are just a light switch.

It didn't help knowing that if she were to drive home, she would just collapse under the weight of emptiness.

Her heart was pounding and so quiet simultaneously.

Tori drove right past her street and she didn't care. She would rather be in this incredibly dangerous driving situation than be at home to face her feelings in every reflective surface.

She kept driving.

She drove past the park, past the middle school, past the pond.

She kept driving.

She drove past the playground, past the buildings, past the neighborhoods.

She kept driving.

She drove until no one was in sight. Not a car, nor man-made structure. The place she parks in is surrounded by trees. Trees of vibrant limes and deep greens. Fir trees, oaks, and willows sway in the wind far above her head. She parks the car, sits there for a moment. Her mind wanders from Jade; her lips, her nose, her eyes. After Jade comes Beck; the sweetness, the adolescence, the obliviousness. From Beck sprouts the homecoming dance; future swaying, listening, and watching.

Tori was dangerous with her thoughts. She left the car, not being able to take the silence anymore. The scenery was the perfect distraction from all of the shit that had conspired in the last few days. The grass replaced the stress, the twigs removed the awkwardness, and the sky released the kiss.

The trees allowed the buildings to retire and Tori felt as thought she could breathe again, which was strange since the view was so breathtaking.

Tori climbed up a small hill, which lead her to a bigger one. Each rock she stepped over felt like a huge accomplishment, like even though she couldn't tell Jade how she feels, she could conquer this rock, and that was enough.

Tori finds herself on a ledge maybe 100 feet up from where she parked. The lake was too pretty to go unphotographed so Tori reached for her phone and snapped a picture. The photo was blurry but it looked real. Real like someone who just experienced something awful took the photo and they want to find the beauty in the world even if their hands shake from the fear.

She opened Instagram and posted the photo. She captioned it, "Heavy Absence."

—

Heavy absence? What does that even mean?

Jade found herself in awe of the picture. She recognized the spot. Lake Flyer. That's where she goes to need an escape from life. An escape from reality.

An escape from everything horrible in the world.

Jade knew that Tori was hurt. Jade was hurt too. But how else was she supposed to go about the situation? Just drop Beck for a new girl she barely knows? Seems a little too much to ask someone.

Then again, Tori never asked her to do that. The idea popped up only in Jade's head.

Jade logged off of Instagram and set her phone aside. She grabbed her notebook from her backpack and started to doodle on the next open section. Half the page was already covered in simple, unrealistic artwork that had no true meaning. But, it kept Jade occupied. It also kept her from actually writing anything. So, she stopped her pencil.

She picks up a pen instead so that way the words are true and the mistakes don't matter. She titles the page:

Heavy Absence

Does she need to copyright Tori for the idea? Probably not.

She continues writing.

Throughout time, there is love and hate. Rivals. The love can feel amazing, welcoming as long as the love is wanted. The problem is, sometimes hate creeps in. Unexpectedly, and unwanted. Hate circles heart in a ring of fire far enough away so the heart does not recognize this warmth as hate. Instead, the heart believes it to be love. But as each day passes, the hate creeps in more and more until it's too late and the heart is trapped, trying to extinguish the fires of hatred. Time kills every love there ever was and will be. Just give it itself.

Jade didn't realize this, but as she was writing, the pen strokes had so much force behind them, that the page had started to rip. And it ripped easily as the tears streamed down Jade's face and onto the paper. Jade slams her notebook shut and calls Cat.

The phone rings for a bit, until she finally picks up. Cat wanted to say her introduction, but Jade cut her off.

"Please, I need a ride to Lake Flyer."