i'm not that honest
when feelings arise
i deny them
in hopes of being a good person
envy, anger, grief, irritation
people won't like you if you have these thoughts
can i grit my teeth and lie
for awhile i thought i could get away
but when i realized the enlarging hole in my heart
i forgot
i'm only human
a voice tells me that's not an excuse
you still can't be a bad person
but when i think about it
i'm not hurting anyone except for myself
don't be selfish it hisses
my chest hurts more than usual at that word
i'm at a loss for words
some days i lose to this voice
and cry helplessly as i push my down my feelings
all so i can be a good person
some days i became angry
and curse the whole world for treating me like trash
when i have tried so hard to be a good person
and i hate myself for that
