Heartthrob J.H

Clearing things up... AGAIN

Nikkis POV same day

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User- hi
User- babes what's wrong?
User- here for the tea

"H-hey g-guys. Umm I'm here to address everything and um yeah. Also warning I'm gonna be talking about serious topics so if your younger please don't watch this. Or watch it with a parent or just don't watch it at all. I'll try to cut down on my cussing sorry if I do my bad"

User- it's ok what's wrong
User- she looks shaken up
User- she looks like she's gonna cry

"Ok ok where do I start. My Instagram post. Yeah bodyshaming. Ok guys I know I look unhealthy and not well because I am. So I'm already aware of that. I've been aware for a while. So please stop commenting things like "eat a burger" or any of that stuff. I know what I look like. I look myself in the mirror everyday. I'm aware of what I look like ok! I've had my struggles with how I look and eds " I exclaim managing not to cry

User- damn
User- don't hate on anyone. You never know their story
Jadenhossler, griffinjohnson, nessabarrett, sarasteller joined the live!

"Also sara again. Stop it ok stop. What your saying is all a lie. I didn't sleep around with the whole town I think your talking about yourself. I had only one boyfriend who fucking cheated on me with you when I was dying in the fucking hospital. Yeah and you calling me heartless. Hmm maybe I am. You made me this way. All of you and your friends made me this way. You make me feel like shit. First calling me extremely over weight in middle school then telling me to eat a burger and that I'm to "skinny" now. Like make up your mind, god. And your right everyone does hate me back home. But I wonder why hmmm. Because you spread rumours about me telling people not to talk to me or be my friend. You thought it was funny to see me every single fucking day at school sit alone at the wall with my hoodie up wearing baggy clothing as you and your friends mock me and criticize me. No that's not funny. Your words hurt they really do so kindly, shut the fuck up. Also you calling me mental. Maybe I am maybe I am mental but I most certainly did not use boys for a distraction I don't know where you came up with that but that's not true" I rant with tears falling down my face

User- GO NIKKI
User- you tell her
User- Nikki oh my-
User- nooo baby don't cryyyy
User- her crying is sad. Why does it sound so sad
User- huh she was dying in the hospital??!?

"Oh and you Sara making fun of my scars, telling everyone I can't go a day without cutting. You think that's fucking funny. No it's not! I stared at myself for a whole hour in the mirror looking at every inch of my body thinking how I could fix it. Looking at my fucking scars that I can't get rid of. Your making fun of me for that.. you think it's funny that I cut myself. You think it's funny for me to hurt myself. Because if you do your sick. Calling me a pussy ass bitch for not being able to stop hurting myself countless amounts of times. You sicko. I hate you sara steller I hate you. Hates a strong word but I do mean it. Maybe i am heartless and I can't show affection but at least I'm not a bitch and tell people to kill themselves and that no one loves them. Like who says that. Your sick if you do" I rant though my tears

User- I- ummm
User- how's she so open about cutting..
User- nooo. Bubs don't hurt yourself pleaseee

"How am I so open about cutting? I'm not in really not. But everyone knows now thanks to Sara. All the shit influencers on social media people have to go thought is terrible. People bodyshaming like it makes no sense to me. Having people say to you to eat more or that your to skinny or you need to eat less that's messed up. I'm not just talking about social media influencers I'm talking about everyone. Just imagine you took pictures that you really like and you want to post for your friends to see. You post it and you get comments about how you look and their mean comments. Like it doesn't feel good it makes you feel bad. I've experienced that and I still am. Even before social media I got stuff like that. I never ever use to post never if I posted it was just a way for people to make fun of me so I didn't do it. Don't bodyshamed guys. For example you guys nessa. She posted a picture of herself a mirror selfie and people were saying it looks like she has a pregnancy belly or some shit. I think she looks good. She looks like a bad bitch. And you guys making fun of her for her new style. Like what- SHES doign what makes her happy and she looks good doing it. She's killing it. Hate comments come out of pure jealousy." I rant while crying still. Good thing I don't ugly cry. I just cry tears fall down my face like it's nothing it just feels normal for me to cry

User- nessa is not
User- GO OFF
Nessabarrett-❤️❤️
User- oh my god GO OFFF NIKKI

"Like you guys don't know how much your comments could affect someone. Like it's pathetic how people take the time out of their day to leave a comment like that on someone's post. Like come on" I shake my head

"I know it seems like I'm being an attention seeker by crying on live but that the opposite of what I want to be. I want to stop the hate and I'd rather have people not know who I am then be called an attention seeker. Wasn't made to be an influencer. Yes I might be mental but at least I wouldn't bodyshame someone" I cry

Erzamavrick- GO NIKKI WOOHOO NIKKI THE TIRICKY IS BACK EVERYONE

"Sara I'm not even kidding actually stop. Oh my- shut the hell up erza" I chuckle

"But here you wanna see what bodyshaming and being called names could do to someone" I pull out my laptop and start looking for a picture of me in the beginning of middle school. I looked normal at the time and healthy. I wasn't even over weight I just didn't look like the others. I find a picture and I show it to the live

"This was me in the beginning of middle school. Never seen before picture. But this is me standing beside my sisters. I looked fine completely fine and healthy. But then, this is me at the end of middle school. Cant even see my body my clothes were so baggy. I wore dark coloured clothes only. Then this is me during the beginning of high school. And that's all my friends I made. Like Ryan who was my friend in middle school, erza, Michael, julian, ethan, eddi. And a-ally. Then this is me in the beginning of 11th grade. By that time I just stopped giving a fuck about everything. Didn't care stopped taking care of myself. I didn't listen I became a rebel which I don't recommend doing it was just a faze. Then this is me at the end of 11th grade. I looked terrible I looked so pale and small it wasn't good" the last picture I showed I was in a wheelchair as charli and Dixie stand beside me with big smiles and their thumbs up and Ryan standing behind me holding his thumbs up too. But then me looking pissed off with my arms crossed

"Yeah. It's a real struggle. You don't need to change the way you look for other people. I know that's completely hypocritical but just don't. I've just recently learned that. So just don't ok" I say crying still

User- oh my god that picture of her in the wheel chair with charli and Dixie
User- you've grown a lot
Sarasteller- stfu you didn't look ok in middle school you fat fuck. Stfu you became anorexic for attention just so people would give you attention. You got into a huge car accident just for attention you do everything for attention. Good you got into a car accident. Good your best friend died I. The car accident too you didn't deserve her. You cut yourself for attention you tried killing yourself for attention
User- Sara shut the hell up

I read Sara's comment which was false and hurt a lot. I didn't deserve ally she was right. I didn't become anorexic for attention what! I didn't get into a car accident for attention. I started crying even more on the verge of having a full on break down. By the way I've gotten over my ed a while ago I'm healthy ish now but I'm just not eating at the moment

"I'm done I-I'm fucking done. f-fuck you Sara steller" I stutter shaking and end the live. I throw my phone across the room and start to break down crying

—————————————————————-

Ok guys so do you still want me to put trigger warnings I just wanna know because I don't want anything to happen. I know I went on about it before but like I just wanna know

Anyways this story might take a little turn and talk about mental illness for a bit just so you know

I really enjoy writing this book and educating myself about mental illness

Anyways have a good day everyone

🤭🍃💗