Heartthrob J.H

Where am i

Nikki's pov tw

I wake up to machines attached to me. I start to panic. I feel someone holding my hand I'm so confused where the fuck him i. I have an Iv in my arm and one of those breathing things too. I remember all that i did last night. Oh god. My right arm is wrapped with medical bandages or whatever i don't know. Now look both of my hands are wrapped up

I look around the room to see Dixie holding my hand talking to my mom. I'm so fucking confused why am i here

"Why the fuck am i here" i say

"You couldn't breath so i called the ambulance and now we're here. It's 12pm" Dixie says and I'm confused

"Charli and you dad are taking care of buggy charlis coming in an hour do you want them to get anything from your house" mom asks

"Ummm there's a journal umm on my uh bed it's black and has an f on it. Tell them to get Uhh that but don't read it" i say and my mom nods and texts someone

I get up and get ready brush my teeth and pee. Dixie told me what happened. I got my lunch but i wasn't hungry. I can't with myself. I fucked up 3 different times yesterday 1. I cut myself and hurt myself multiple times
2. I weighed myself
3. I fucked up mine and Jadens relationship

I stare at the food and just start crying. My mom comes and gives me a hug

"Shhh shhh why you crying baby" my mom asks

"I d-disappointed you g-guys and myself" i cry

"What happened baby" my mom asks

"I-i cut i-i weighted myself and i-i broke u-up with -j-j-jaden" i say stuttering and hiccuping

"You broke up with Jaden?!?:" Dixie says and i nod

"Why you guys were so happy" my mom says

"H-he deserves b-better I'm a m-mess. I-i have nothing going f-for me m-my reputation i-is ruined. M-my life i-is fucked. I-I'm scared" i say crying

"Why you scared" mom asks

"O-of Jadens parents hating me because of what the internet says" i stutter

"Do t be silly nikki they won't hate you before they met you" Dixie says

"H-how d-do you know. M-mads t-treated h-him
b-better" I stutter crying and sniffing

Dixie opens her phone and types something out and is now FaceTiming someone. I can't see my vision is blurry because of my tears

"Griffin Johnson answer this question truthfully" Dixie says

"Huh hello? Is Nik-"

"Was Jaden Isaiah hossler happy being with Nikki" she asks

"Mother fucker was as happy as he ever was. Now he's upset" griff says maki bc me cry just seeing what I've done. I managed to fuck up myself but I did hurt someone else too.

"Wait is that ni-" I hear griff say but Dixie hangs up the phone

"You see Nikki jaden was happy with you. He loves you Nikki. Remember mads cheated on him" Dixie says

"B-but i-I s-she l-looked l-like s-she fit in with his
f-f-family" I stutter crying

"Doesn't mean you wont fit in with them honey" my mom says

"J-just s-stop. Let m-me cry" I say and they do. They sit on the other side of the room on the couch as I cry.

I grab my phone and I open Instagram. First this I see hurts me even more