Heartthrob J.H

Dya one

Nikki's pov

After they gave me my things they brought me to the room with everyone. I sit down alone at one table and grab a crayon and piece of paper. I hate it here. It's like right after breakfast right now.

On the piece of paper i write stuff. It's probably not good stuff. I start a list. I'm going crazy i really am. I'm sad i still am i wanna go home. But anyways i make a list doing point form

List in highlight

Smiley face

Fuck you sara for putting me through shit for bullying me starting unnecessary drama and everything you've done to me
Fuck you jaden for playing me
Fuck you mads for idk just fuck you
Fuck you vinnie for pissing off on me for hanging out with the sway boys even though we weren't dating
Fuck you tony for being a creep and only wanting me for my body
Fuck you posie for bullying me
Fuck you rosie for bullying me
Fuck you charli damelio But love you too
Fuck you dixie but I love you too
Frick you mom for making me come here again
Fuck you darianka for calling me a whore
Fuck you tiktok for being garbage
Fuck you tiktokroom for all the drama you started
Fuck you social media for everything you've done is bad bad but I guess you gave me a platform
Fuck me for being a bad sister bad friend bad daughter bad grandchild bad influencer bad person
Fuck your hates for telling me to eat a burger

I was scribbling this all on angry and i don't even notice that the girls i talked to before were sitting at the table now. I put my head on the table slightly banging my head on the table causing a loud sound

"Hey don't do that" the supervisor says and I just sigh and lift my head up to see the girls starring but not looking at me weird just in a normal way

"So Nikki wanna play cards with us" ang asks as I look back at them

"Sure what game" I sigh

"Speed" Sofia says handing me 4 cards and we start to play

Couple hours later before dinner at therapy

"So what brings you here Nicole" mrs ash says after introducing herself

"Everything. My whole life" I sigh

"Explain, why wouldn't you say your whole life brought you here. What happened in the past" she says but like Hmm I was a bit hesitant but like she's not allowed to tell anyone and everyone already knows and i just wanna leave this place

"Umm I was bullied my whole life. Actually no one likes me. I'm alone I've been alone for my whole life well it feels like it. I lost my best friend a year ago in a c-car accident. Social media makes everything worse. I keep on getting made fun of and i want to leave earth" i say all in one breath

"Have you ever been to therapy before" she asks

"I use to before i moved here i like started when i was 12 i think. I think maybe but I've been at one of these hospitals before like 2 other times" i shrug

"How old were you when you came"

"When i was 14 and then 16 like a little over half a year ago" i confess and she writes something down

"When were you first diagnosed"

"Anorexia when i was 14 depression 13 anxiety 12 i think body dysmorphia 12 or 11 i think and ptsd last June I did have social anxiety in like middle school but I over came that" i say and she writes things down she asks me some more questions just about how i feel why i tried to kill my self what i think about myself. Why i cut so much. Things to do instead of cutting. Things i could do to eat regularly again and ways i could fix my eating. It wasn't that bad i just really want to get better and get out of here

After the therapy i went to go eat dinner. Didn't really eat much to be honest all i ate was like some boof meat. And mash potatoes. Seee I'm already getting better. After we're done that i was suppose to go to take my meds. They scanned my wrist band and gave me my pills. I took them i think one is for sleeping or something so i take them then go back to my room. I take a shower though and stuff i get ready for bed the first official night here. It isn't that bad people here are nicer then the other ones I've been in. Once i get in bed i say goodnight to ang my roommate.

I lay in my bed thinking but feel like I'm slowly falling asleep. I get under the covers of the soft blanket my mom brought me and the pillow I'm also hugging charlis stuffy which is nice. I fall asleep not to long after. But like every so often someone comes and shines a light in my fucking face making it kinda difficult to sleep. It was already lights out time but ok. I fall asleep like a little baby. It's actually a good sleep too

Nest morning

I wake up because the nurses told me too. It's like I don't know 8am. I do the usual on the schedule like get ready in the bathroom brush my teeth change my clothes. After we go to the place where we take meds or whatever. They scan my bracelet and they give me my pills or whatever.

Today just consisted of a lot of therapy and talking. I did like a one on one session then a group session. The group one was so awkward no one really talked. I also coloured on paper and filled out sheets of paper. There was like this class thing where they taught us different ways to cope and what to do instead of cutting. It kinda helped it guess. I'm actually putting in the work on getting out of here for the first time ever. Last few times I was here I didn't try which made me stay longer and I just wanna go home. I suggested to get an emotional support animal and I'm not against it. I'll by myself one if I have to

Apparently I'm allowed to call someone today because right now is 5:00pm and that's the time your allowed to call. I look on the sheet of numbers I'm allowed to call for like 15 minutes and I pick dixies because I actually haven't talked to her in ages. I dial the number and she answers on the last ring

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Posting another chapter just because i love you all

Also if you guys need someone to talk to my dms are always open. I know i know that I'm bad at giving advice but I'll try and don't worry I'll listen😊

Anyways have a good day everyone ily❤️

😊❤️😉