Heartthrob J.H

H-hi

Nikkis POV

I'm walking to Jadens room thinking things over. I don't know what's going on to be honest I was just told to talk to him. Once I get to the room I hear crying from the other side of the door. Sad cries hurt cries. I knock on the door

"L-eave me alone josh I told you to go away" jaden croaks with a raspy voice breathing heavily

"Last time I checked I'm not josh" I say and he goes silent only hearing heavy breathing. I think he's having a panic attack.... I open the door to see Jaden on the ground rocking back and forth pulling his hair crying and breathing heavily and shaking. I rush over to him and pull him into a hug

"Breath jaden breath" I say rubbing his back and he slowly calms down and stops. Now he's just crying and we sit there for 5 minutes

"Jaden what's wrong" I ask

"I wanna die I'm done with my life I hate it. I'm a useless piece of shit I can't do anything right I'm not gonna make it out I'm trapped I feel trapped I can't stand myself" jaden says

"I know how that feels jaden I know. Don't worry it gets better" I say hugging him

"Does it really. How would you know"  Jaden says

"Well I haven't told anyone this really besides my family but I was suicidal too at one point I've tried multiple times. I've only been free of cuts for 2 weeks that's the longest I've gone without cutting in months" I say to Jaden

"R-reallly" he says

"Yeah but everything's getting better just like for you it's gonna get better I promise. Your not alone I'm here you can talk to me" I say hugging him. He looks at his fist which is bleeding

"Go sit on the bed and I'll wrap that drink this" I say hanging him a bottle of water and he drinks it. I get medical wrap for. The bathroom and see a hole in the wall probably form jaden

I go back to see Jaden finishing the bottle of water he actually listened. I take his wrist and I start wrapping it. I only know how to do this because they boys back home use to fight all the time so I had to help them Clean up. Once I finish he just sighs a sad and depressing sigh

"Jaden look at me" I say putting my arms around his neck. His blue says sm feel like their starring into my soul. I've never felt this feeling before I have butterflies in my stomach looking at him but I snap outta it

"You aren't alone don't worry your not useless either" I say to him and we just stare into each other's eyes. He leans in for a kiss and I kiss him back. It was a log. Kiss but passionate. Once we pull away he has a weird smirk on his face he looks kinda happy

"Mmmmm well you take a nap I have an appointment to got to. Night night" I say giving him an hug and going downstairs

I go downstairs and I remembered I have an appointment for my knee. It's been hurting really bad I know it's not good but whatever.

But damn I kissed Jaden. I don't know how I feel to be honest I'm just confused at the moment

"What happened" they ask as I walk downstairs snapping me out of my thoughts

"Huh" I ask

"So what happened" quinton says

"Eh he's good he went to sleep there's. Hole in your bathroom by the way Jaden made it. I have to go home but yeah wanna come charli" I say quickly and charli nods and walks over to me

"What about Me" Dixie pouts

"Dixie D'Amelio do you want to go home with us" I ask

"Hmm sorry not this time I think I'm gonna stay here" she say says and I give her a confused look

"Wha- why did you ask me to ask you then"

"I just wanted to get asked. Pick me up later?" She says
"Maybe I gotta go liek right now see you later" I say before running to my car and driving home

At the appointment with parents

"So we've run test on your knee and based off the scan it seems like it's gotten a little worse. So we're gonna ask you to wear your brace full time and on crutches too again only for about 2 weeks and we'll see you again. So wear your brace full time except when you sleep or take a shower try not to put pressure on it and use your crutches. Have a nice day we'll see you in 2 weeks" the doctor says and we walk out of the place and I use my crutches

I hate this so much I hate crutches I hate everything. I just got a car and I can't even drive it. I should've listened really. You know what I'm just not gonna walk how about that I'll just not use crutches because their so annoying I hate them

Tw back at home suicide talk

I go up to my room and I go to the bathroom. I think to myself I'm thinking and thinking. I look at myself in the mirror and all I see is stupid. I should've listened and wore my brace if I wasn't so stubborn and rude I would've been better by now but I just keep on hurting myself over mad over again. I'm actually stupid like not even kidding

They should've just let me go when I was in the hospital just let me die there. Maybe that would've taken the pain away I wouldn't have to go through all of this shit.

But it would stop my pain but cause others more pain. Just like how people acted after ally's death how I felt when I found out. Either way I can't win. I lose either way there's not way to win.

I know I told Jaden it gets better. I believe it does that's what Dixie and charli tell me but who knows what's gonna happen. Maybe I won't even make it to the age 25 or even 20. Maybe I'll die by then either to suicide or just something else who knows.

I look at the blade on the counter which is already broken it's the other half of the one I used a few weeks ago. I look at it just starring at it. Maybe I should do it end it all

I pick it up and hold it in my hand. I was debating if I should just make a big slit all the way down my arms. I was about to do it and relapse about to end it all. But then I hear my phone ringing. I throw the blade in the trash and go to my bed where my phone is and I answer it it's Dixie

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Authors note in 3 chapters