Heartthrob J.H

Release day

Nikkis POV next day release day 4:00pm

I'm hurting. I'm angry that I was saved why couldn't they just let me go. I would've been happier if I was gone to be honest. I'm just confused I don't really know what's going on I'm lagging irl

Today's a special day. Today's ally's birthday she would've been 18 and my song comes out today today and it's coming out in 2 hours at 6pm. Pretty excited not gonna lie

The doctors said that it's ok for me to go live and talk about the song coming out. My mom tried Changing the day but she couldn't do it. It's still coming out today. To celebrate my family's coming and griff too because he wanted to and Dixie invited him. Apparently him and Dixie bought me a present or something

I was talking earlier but like my voice is normal like how it was before I just stutter on every single fucking word and it's so annoying so I'm just not talking. I can talk I'm just stuttering so much. I know I'm going live later to talk about the song but that's gonna be tough and I already know it.

I don't even wanna talk. Why did they save me whyyy. I should've gone. Today I'm 10x more sad because today's ally's birthday. Her last birthday we celebrated I remember it just like it was yesterday

2 years ago on ally's birthday flashback

"YEAH GO FUCK THAT BITCH" ally yells at her ex through the phone making us all laugh. We're in ethan's basement hanging out as normal but today is ally's birthday

"Turn the music up" eddi says

"YOU TAUGHT A LESSON TO ME THAT I HAD TO LEARN AND IM SO SORRY THAT YOU LET OUT BRIDGES BURN. I SAID I LOVED YOU AND I WISH I NEVER DID. I SWEAR TO GOD I SWEAR TO GOD YOU STUPID BITCH. I THOUGHT THAT WE WERE MENT TO BE YOU TOOK MY HEART AND MADE IT BLEED I GAVE YOU ALL MY ECSTASY I KNOW YOU'LL BE THE DEATH OF ME" we all yell vibing currently were all single and most of us just got outta relationships. I just did I got cheated on by this guy name William. He's a bitch

"LEFT LIPSTICK ON MY HENNESSY FELT LIKE YOU TOOK MY SOUL FROM ME. NO WAY. I GAVE YOU ALL MY ECSTASY I THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE MEANT FOR ME. I KNOW YOU'LL BE THE DEATH OF ME" we yell again dancing and shit. This is kinda our song it's called suicidal by YNW melly. It's fire

Although we're all sad just hanging out push's the pain away

End of flashback

The good old days were nothing mattered and whatever I did people weren't watching my every move 24/7

I really miss those days I really miss ally and the boys too. I just want this all to be over to be honest liek I really just can't anymore

1 hour later

I was just sitting there watching on the tv while my mom and dad just sit there trying to talk to me but I don't wanna answer. I'm not gonna give answers to why I did it because it's pretty obvious. I don't even think they know Jaden cheated on me. I don't even want to think of Jaden right now

I do miss him it's really stupid of me though. Miss being held in his arms he'd tell me everything's ok when it really wasn't he also said that while he knew in his mind that he was fucking another girl while with me. It hurts my heart just thinking of it

"Come on Nikki just talk to us please. Your making us worry" my dad says and I'm pissed

"Y-y-y-yo-you d-do-don't t-th-think I-I-I a-a-alr-already f-f-f-feel b-bad" I stutter looking at them accidentally snapping and instantly feeling worse so I look away. And I hear them sigh

"We'll be back when the video releases were just gonna go get a snack in the cafeteria. Charli Dixie and griffin are coming up now" my mom says giving me a kiss on the forehead as they leave the room.

Great now I'm all fucking alone in a place I don't even wanna be

Dixies POV

We're walking to nikkis room and we see my mom and dad walking towards the elevators from where we just came. My moms crying it seems like and my dad Has his arm around her. Charli gives me a confused look so does griff

"Mom what's wrong?" I ask her

"Nothing don't worry about it" she says and they walk away

"Well that's weird" charli says as we get closer to nikkis room. Griff brought the cat piano for Nikki that we bought her as a present

"Oh griff before we go see Nikki don't make fun of her stuttering please. It's like really bad really really bad" I say to him

"Why would I make fun of her stutter" griff asks

"I'm just saying because she will snap at you" I say and he nods. We enter the room to see Nikki looking so annoyed and pissed off but once she sees us a half smiles put on her face

"Hey Nikki. We bought you a present" griff says handing her the car piano and placing it on her lap and me and charli give her a hug

"T-t-th-tha-thank y-y-you" she stutters. Oh god

Nikkis POV

My stuttering is so annoying I can't. It's like I can't speak my tongue get tied and I can't talk

"So how you feeling Nikki" Dixie asks as her and griff sit on the couch and charli sits in the chair beside me

I shrug my shoulders as a response because I really don't wanna talk.

"Aww look it make cat noises" charli says playing the car piano. I actually do like this gift it's cool actually It makes the sound "meow" in different ways

I started playing weird songs on it. I tried playing my songs I wrote on it and it sounded really weird which made me laugh. I was so focused but when I looked up I saw Dixie and charli with big smiles on their faces watching me and I just half smile back.

Ok I need to talk like I have to do a 10 minute live which is gonna take me liek 815263 hours to say one sentence

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Suicidal by YNW melly just hits different tbh

Guys wish my father luck HES going to go get a cancer check up thing bc he had real bad cancer when I was like 6. I only remember him being sick and in the hospital I didn't even know I didn't understand and did find out until I asked Oop. Anyways also I sometimes think about what would've happened if he didn't make it. It's bad of me to do that but oh well. He had stage 4 I think and I don't know how my family would be without him. It would me just me my mom and sister. But he's been cancer free for years now

Anyways have a good day I've been slacking lately bc I feel demotivated lolz

👁👅👁❌🧢👉👌