To Have and To Hold: Sirius Black

Sibling Love

I was tired. No, that was an understatement, I was exhausted.

I had a variety of hindrances in my life that were contributing to my lack of sleep including Order meetings, meetings with the Dark Lord, pregnancy, worrying for Sirius's safety, among other things. Not to mention, stress wasn't good for the baby so I also had to worry about my stress levels and who the traitor in the Order was.

Currently, life was not going to plan.

Sirius was also exhausted. Every time he stepped through our front door he practically collapsed onto the couch, we were barely spending any time together anymore. When he was home, I was at a meeting and when I was home, he was either on a mission or at work. If we were lucky enough to be together, we were too tired to even consider doing something mutually.

A few days since the last death eater meeting had passed, the dark circles under my eyes only getting darker and darker. My baby bump had popped quite recently, considering I was around five months pregnant and the nausea had returned and was almost intolerable. Everywhere I went, I practically had a trash bin attached at the hip, that's how nauseous I was.

Sirius had been getting more irritable lately, he had also started drinking more. Work wasn't exactly what he had expected, it wasn't just fun and games with James, but proving to Moody that he could stand his ground.

Currently, I had just gotten back from visiting Lily, who was nowhere near as tired as I was, but she was worrying just as much for James as I was for my husband. I had rushed into the apartment, quickly grabbing hold of the bin and emptying my dinner into it, I could barely eat without vomiting it up.

When I had wiped my mouth with my sleeve, I turned to see Sirius lying on the couch, a bottle of firewhiskey in hand. He was watching me, spinning the bottle between his fingers, a slight scowl on his face.

"I see you finally made it home." He slightly slurred, obviously drunk.

"How long have you been drinking, Sirius?" I asked, eyeing the almost empty bottle in his hand, clearly he had drunk a lot tonight.

He sat up, taking another swig of the brown substance, before speaking, "I don't believe that matter concerns you."

"You're drunk, again," I replied, it was true, his drinking had increased greatly lately, a coping mechanism I suppose.

"Well, it's not like you were here to welcome me when I got off work."

"I was at Lily's, she's pregnant and lonely, not to mention my best friend."

"Maybe you should have married her if you wanted to be around her so often."

"Excuse me?" I asked irritably.

"You heard me, you're spending more time with her than your fucking husband." He spat, alcohol radiating from his pores, he smelled atrocious.

"She's actually available to be around, she's at home every minute of every day. Have some compassion!" I retorted, raising my voice.

"What's that supposed to mean? You're the one who told me to take the job, now this is my fault?" He yelled back, swaying slightly as he stood.

"I never mentioned your job, Sirius, you're just always gone, I'm lonely all by myself."

"Aw, you're lonely? Are your death eater friends not enough company for you? What about your dear relative Voldemort, is he not enough?" He snarled angrily at me, a scowl protruding on his features.

"Are you kidding?" I scoffed, "I'm helping the Order by meeting with them, you know that! How do you think it feels to hear the way they talk about my friends like they're filth? I'm risking my life at those meetings."