˗ˏˋ romanogers oneshots ˎˊ˗

࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ moving on

Steve had not said a word during Natasha's funeral, aside from his speech, that didn't count. He just sat there, hands clasped tightly, tears rolling down his cheeks as the service progressed. He had bitten the inner wall of his cheek so hard, it had tore and was bleeding. His speech was long and elaborate but sweet and touching as he wiped away the tears every few seconds. 

"Thank you for coming. Natasha Alianovna Romanoff was the infamous Black Widow, a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, an assassin, a spy, an avenger, a hero, a friend, a family member, an aunt, a mentor, a daughter. But to me, she was the love of my life. And she was perfect. She sacrificed her life so that half of us may be back here today. When she leaped off that cliff in Vormir, she had no regrets and the smile on her face when she realized what she was going to do would being everyone back still haunts me till this day and forever will. For many of us here today, she saved our lives, on countless occasions. Especially mine, one too many times. The very reason why I'm standing here today instead of her is because she did that, yet again, sacrificed her life to save mine. Years ago, I made a promise to her, that if it was down to her to save my life, I would trust her to do it. Trust wasn't something she gave easily and wasn't something people gave to her so my word was very important to her. As a spy, one is taught to trust no one, and unfortunately we learnt the hard way. But I had always trusted her, no matter what, because it seemed like there was something different about her, something special. Natasha was very special. Despite the monster she claimed to be, she was an angel deep down. She did so much good for the world, in hope of wiping out her gushing red ledger, or so she claimed. Little did she know, that her slate was long wiped clean when she said 'I do.' and 'till death do us part' 7 years ago. But even in death, my heart will always be with her. I love you Natasha. Natasha's legacy will be one that will go down in history as the greatest sacrifice of all, because if not for her, I wouldn't be standing here today and neither would you. Thank you."

When all the guests had left and gave their condolences, Steve stood by Natasha's coffin, his finger running through her hair. It had been freshly washed and smelt like her vanilla shampoo. But she was cold and clammy and didn't feel like her. 

"Natasha, come back to me please." Steve sobs, "I needs you. Everyone thinks I'm so strong but I'm really not. I miss you so much. I can't go on. Come back..."

...

Steve wakes up with a scream. He dreamt of her again, the blood,, gushing red as her body sprawled on the floor and he just lay still helplessly in ice. He tugs his blond locks as his head screams. At that moment, he wishes Natasha was there to comfort him, to hold him, to whisper in his ear that it would all be over.

And then he sees her. He reaches out to touch her and she feels so real. She smiles and he suddenly feels complete. She holds him in her arms and he finally calms down, tears rolling down his cheeks. He looks up at her and reaches up to kiss her but she stops him. 

"I'm not real Steve. This isn't real. I'm not me anymore. I'm gone. And I know it's hard for you to accept but that is the truth. And the truth will set you free. You're not gonna get me back. You can't. And nothing can change that. Please, move on. I've had a great life, and it was even better with you in it. But this isn't real. You have to let me go. For the sake of your sanity, for the sake of mine. Let me go my love. You need to move on, and lead the team. because you can do it with or without me." She says, stroking his hair gently.

"I need you Tasha. I really do. I can't move on. I love you Tasha and I fear I may never love again." Steve replies, his voice shaking. 

"I pray that's not true. You'll meet someone who loves you and cares for you and you'll love her. You'll move on. You have to." She replies, getting up, leaving Steve all alone again.

"Please don't go. " He begs, holding on to the last memory of her.

"I'm already gone. You have to move on." She assures him. pressing a light kiss against his cheek. 

"I can't lead them. not without you. All these years you have been the one leading me to lead them. If you're gone, I can't lead them. I can't go on. Take me with you-" Steve sobs, not holding back his tears. 

"Yes you can. Because I'll always be with you. In your heart, in your soul and in your mind. I'll be with you and guide you along the way. You just have to move on. You don't have to forget about me, you just having to move on. Moving isn't forgetting, moving is using that grieve as strength and something to fight for despite all that is lost." Natasha utters those wise words with a smile, gently wipes away Steve's tears with the back of her hand and turns around and disappears. 

Steve screams her name but she's already gone. She's not coming back and he knows that. And he also knew it was the stone's fault. But when he had gone back to bargain for her back, the Red Skull had told him it didn't work after he had attempted to throw the glowing piece fo shit back to the bottom of the cliff where it belonged and he could get Natasha back. But for once the Red Skull was right, it didn't work. So he sat at the bottom of the cliff cradling her lifeless, bloody body in his arms, sobbing. 

And now with her gone again, he felt the same numbness. 

A/N: inspired by ww84 and titanic ;) anyways i warned you that it would be sad. did you cry? i cried writing this!!