˗ˏˋ romanogers oneshots ˎˊ˗

breaking walls

Natasha wasn't one to show her emotions, and when she did it was always a smug emotion. But sometimes the feelings were just too overwhelming to handle. She dealt with her pain by training, fighting, going on nearly suicide missions, but there was always something missing. She thought she had found it when she started a friends with benefits relationship with Steve Rogers. It was supposed to be just sex, no feelings. Go in and come out, use it for pain, pleasure and to vent.

It had been another eventful day when he had accidentally let it slip. They had fucked hard and rough, taking away all the pain and replacing it with pleasure. But when he climaxed, he had whispered "I love you."

Natasha's world stopped for a second. She did love him back, but she didn't think she was worthy enough of his love. He deserved a girl who would treat him better than she ever could, who would cook for him, clean up after him, please him, make him feel better. And she could do none of the sort, not in the way she thought anyways. She had only one thought at that moment in time: Run. Run far and never return. Maybe he would move on, maybe he would stop loving her. She loved him but was afraid to do so and accidentally hurt him when she left. Love was for children, she was not supposed to love.

"I love you" he says confidently. "I know you've been hurt before and there's nothing I can do to change that. But I can make you feel loved, I can mend your brokenness, I can fix you up, I can fill your emptiness. Let me love you, Tasha." He reaches down to cup her face gently.

"I'm sorry," she says as he pulls out. She hastily gets dress. "I really am. But this has to stop, please." And with that, she runs out of the room.

He stands in shock for a minute and contemplates chasing her but doesn't do so, giving her the space.

A few years pass and Natasha has yet to return. Steve wonders about what has happened to her, every minute of every waking hour of everyday of every year. Did she take her life? Did she get kidnapped, or worse killed? Did she move on and find love?

Natasha hits the punching bag forcefully, causing it to fly across the room. She's back home in Russia, trying to move on, trying not to think of Steve. But it's too hard. She misses him every waking hour of her life and she longs for him.

Halfway across the world, Steve is doing the same thing. He's in the training room of the compound, thinking of Natasha with every punch. He misses her so much and it hurts because he loves her but he doesn't know if she feels the same way.

Natasha picks up her phone and thinks of dialing Fury's private line. She misses home. She misses New York and Steve Rogers and- Hold up!! She misses Steve Rogers? Shit, Tasha you're going soft. Her finger nearly presses the call button when she makes an impulsive decision to call someone else instead. In seconds, she's connected and the line is ringing.

Steve's training hard and punching bags across the room when his phone rings. He knows who it is without looking at the Caller ID. She has a special ringtone, unlike anyone else. Steve uses his teeth to rip off his boxing glove and walks towards his phone. He hesitates picking it up for a second but slides to take the call. "Tasha?"

Natasha's world stops spinning for a second. Suddenly she feels something she hasn't felt for so long, comfort. She lets out a sigh and calls out his name. "Steve." she says, a small smile forming on her face.

Steve smiles at the sound of her voice. He missed her voice, her smile, her laughter, her hair, her sarcasm, and most of all her. There is a second of silence before Natasha pipes up on the other end of the line.

"Rogers, I miss you." it slips out of her throat so naturally it feels normal. "I missed you so much. I'm sorry. I ran because I was scared. I was afraid. Afraid to love, afraid to be loved. I didn't think I was worthy of your love. I am not. I've done so many horrible things. Damn, I'm a killer, murderer and assassin and you're just so pure, holy and righteous. I don't deserve you. But I really need you. I love you Rogers. I love you."

Steve can hear gentle sniffling on the line, and he figures Natasha was in tears. "I love you too Tasha. And you are worthy of my love because I say so. And besides, I'm not as holy as people think I am," he adds with a smirk, referencing their sex life. He hears a soft laugh from Natasha and smiles. "I need you too. I can't live without you. I really can't. These past few years have been a challenge for me. God, you don't know how much I longed for you. Please come home Tasha. I need you so much. Please. And let me inside your heart. Let me love you."

"I'll send you my coordinates. Send a Quinjet. I'll see you in a few hours," Natasha blurts, not considering any other factor in the world because all that mattered to her, was going home to Steve.

"I love you." Steve says as he hangs up, not giving Natasha a chance to reply or argue. He signals to the nearest S.H.I.E.L.D. and orders him to send a Quinjet to the coordinates Natasha has sent him. He gets a reply of "Yes Captain" and his smirk deepens. The only other person that called him Captain, was coming home. He couldn't wait because he wanted to show her love. He wanted to love her with all that he had.

A/N: like i said, always play the track on top as you read because it adds to the mood. and it's steve's ringtone for tasha and by the time you read up to that bit you should be at the chorus. anyways, hope you like this one and also my motivation is going down the drain rip me. please leave comments i would like to hear your opinions!!