˗ˏˋ romanogers oneshots ˎˊ˗

broken hearts

Natasha stands at the step of her stairs, her heart pounding in her chest. It was hard to leave, but she knew she had to. 

A voice calls her from the top of the stairs. She doesn't need turn around to know who it was. 

"Natasha," he says, walking towards her. 

Crap. "Steve, don't." she begs. She knows that if he says anything else she might turn around and never leave. 

"Please don't go." He too, is bargaining. He secretly knows the reason why and as stubborn as he is, refuses to admit it. 

"Steve, I have to. I'm sorry." She needs to leave now before she breaks down. 

"Why wont you look at me?" he asks quietly, in a small voice she had never heard before. long gone was his usual confident façade, this was raw and pure emotion. It broke her heart to hear him, but she knew she had to let him go for her sake and for his. 

She swallows hard and flicks away the tears in her eyes. "I can't."

She could practically hear his heart break as he sighed behind her. "Why not?" And it broke her. 

"Because if I look behind I can never leave. and I need to leave. this won't work." she confesses, the silent tears staining her cheeks. 

She now regrets her decision of not leaving earlier. She had wanted to leave for the longest time but there was always something holding her back. And he cared too much and as much as she wanted to leave, she couldn't break his heart. 

She had played this scenario so many times in her head. Her head screaming, her jamming clothes into a a suitcase, running down the stairs with him chasing her and refusing to let her leave. she couldn't leave with him standing there and leave him crestfallen. 

She made up her mind to leave in the middle of the night but had forgotten the fact that he was a light sleeper. she slipped off the ring from her finger and had placed it on the dresser when he stirred in his sleep. As quietly as she could, she changed and packed, careful not to wake him up, but didn't know that he was already awoken. She looks back at his silent form on the bed and part of her wishes to stay but the other parts of her knows that she cant.  planting one last kiss on his forehead, she marches out the door, tears flowing. 

She reaches the end of the hallway to the front door when he calls her name.  

"Natasha, where are you going?" he asks, half awake and confused. 

She shakes her head, brushing the tears off from her cheeks and not turning around. She attempts to ignore him but he calls her again before she takes a step. 

Which takes her to this scene. 

Standing with her back facing to Steve, not daring to look at him, for fear that she might change her mind and run back into his arms and possibly live happily ever after. But happily ever after wasn't for her. She could never be happy. 

"Goodbye my love," she says and runs out of the door before he could say another word and break her heart even further. 

Steve has the urge to chase after her but can't bring himself to do so. He's numb, frozen in place, heartbroken and torn. 

He finds a letter under his pillow, in her small cursive handwriting, addressed to him and tears open the envelope cautiously. 

My dearest Steve,

I am sorry. I truly am. I want you to know that I love you. always have, always will. And nothing will ever change that. Absolutely nothing. But you're too perfect for me. The thought of being with you excites every girl, sometimes even me. 

But most times, I'm far from that girl. I'm dark, twisty and I have too much trauma. I cant bring myself to love, because I don't believe in it. It's not you, it's me. I am incapable of love and I cannot say those three simple words out loud. It hurts me to see you loving me when I cannot love you the same. 

I have to leave. not because you're not good enough, but because I'm not enough and I'll never be enough and I don't know if I'll ever be enough. I'm letting you go, I'm setting you free, I'm leaving because its the only thing I've ever known. And I know it will break your heart. but you'll get over it, because you always do. And also because you're so strong. Stronger than you ever know and / or believe yourself to be. 

You will move on and find someone new, someone better. Better than I ever was and I ever will be. I however, will not. If I cant love someone as perfect as you, I don't think I'll ever be capable of love. You were never mine to love.

I hope one day you find happiness, but not with me. I will never make you happy and deep down you know that too. Which is why I have to let go, I have to walk out of this before its too late. I have to let you go. The question is , will you let me? You know how much I want to be with you. But my dear, that's simply not possible. 

I will always love you, always have and always will. Forever and always. I've never said it, not to anyone, not to you. I'm afraid to love, I've been raised this way my whole life. Love is for children, I'm not worthy of love. And nothing will change that. Sorry to say, but not even you.

A relationship doesn't work if one person isn't committed. And as much as I try to be, I'm not the committed one in this one. And you and I both know that I will never be, I bring too much baggage into this relationship and I cannot burden you any further than I already have. so I have to leave before I break your heart any further than it already has been. 

I love you Steve. It's only you. It's always been you. And It will forever be you. I still love you and I will never stop loving you but I can't do this anymore. I'm really sorry. I truly am. 

We were always ill fated from the beginning, like Romeo and Juliet, meant to be but with consequences. We're soulmates, but not life partners. Our love would have only ended with tragedy, so I'm leaving now before it's too late. 

Love always,

Natasha <3

He sobs hard as he rereads the letter over and over, his tears splashing on the page, staining the paper with ink blots. 

She walks out of the lobby, knowing very well that she had broken both his heart and her own. But they had to move on. They had to put their broken hearts in a drawer and find a new beat. 

A/N: i was so extra for the last paragraph ahahsh i cant omg. i know im evil and i say this a lot but i cant with myself and im sorry for writing angst but i cant help it because angst supremacy. anyways enjoy dont forget to vote and comment ily.