The Second Time's the Charm

Chapter Seventeen

The next few weeks seemed to fly by. Justin and I spent as much time as a family and with our families before he left. We hadn't fought much since the day Sam took Aiden for us, but there was a lot of unspoken tension in the air. I was sad about him leaving and he was stressed about leaving us. We made sure to keep things happy and good before he left. I wanted to avoid any negativity or anger around Aiden. The day we took Justin back to his base to leave, he said his goodbyes to everyone. Kelly, Aiden and I drove Justin back to base. When we got to the base and all got out to say our goodbyes, we all had tears in our eyes. Justin had a hard time saying goodbye to us all. Kelly and I assured him that everything was going to be okay. No one would let Aiden forget his dad. Justin pulled me into a tight hug. I hugged him as hard as I could. He kissed me then kissed Aiden, who was sleeping in Kelly's arms. Then he hugged his mom and walked off. Watching him walk away I had a strange feeling in my stomach. Something wasn't sitting right with me.

Once Justin was at his deployment location in Korea, he called to let us know. I kept busy with Aiden and spending time with everyone. I couldn't shake the feeling I had in my stomach since we watched him walk away. I never told anyone about it. Sam was around a lot more to help with Aiden. I had to transfer to an online college, so that I could still take care of Aiden and work for Kelly. Justin made us get a joint bank account, and made it a point that I didn't have to work, but I liked to work. I liked being able to contribute at least something. I video called Justin as often as I could with Aiden and his mom. Kelly and I got together many care packages to send to him. For the first week of him being gone, I struggled a lot. The second we got back into the car, the tears never stopped. I thought eventually I'd be able to run out of tears, but I never did. Everything made me cry. After the first week, my father sat me down and told me I couldn't continue being like that. Aiden needed me to be strong. Kelly needed me to be strong. I needed to be strong for Justin as well. After talking with my dad, I took a boiling hot shower and got myself together. I went back to work and took care of Aiden. Everything was going good. I was slowly planning to get things ready to move on base with Justin and he was getting excited as the days counted down to him coming home. Until we stopped hearing from Justin.

Justin usually texted me throughout the day and called when he could. He had explained before he went that he was going to one of the more high risk bases, but we wouldn't have to worry. There were only six months left of his deployment. A whole day went by, no texts or calls. No one could get a hold of him. Then three days passed and still no contact. I was beginning to worry. His voice mail was full from everyone trying to call him. My dad kept telling us that if something was wrong we would know. Justin would never have just stopped contacting us. He always told me when he would talk again. Nothing was easing my mind. The strange feeling I had was turning into a bad feeling.

One day when Sam was over to keep my mind off Justin and to help with Aiden while I did school work, the doorbell rang. Which in my house was strange, everyone just walked into our house. The sound of the doorbell made my heart sink. When I walked to the door, my heart sank further and further. Looking through the window in the middle of the door I saw a man in dress blues. I didn't need to open the door to hear what he was going to tell me. I opened the door anyway, tears already welling in my eyes.

"Is Mrs. Justin Adams here?" He asked, with a serious look.

"I'm her." I managed to get out.

"I'm so sorry to inform you, but Airman Adams was killed in an attack on the base..." I didn't hear anything else. I had dropped to my knees with my face in my hands. Sam ran up behind after hearing me fall. My dad was suddenly there shaking the man's hand. Everything went mute, I couldn't hear or say anything. Nothing was processing in my mind. My mom had to come and grab me from the porch. The man in the blues, had passed his condolences to me as she pulled me away. Someone had called Kelly because she was suddenly next to me holding me. Sam never left my side or let go of my hand, which he must have grabbed at some point. All I could focus on was how it couldn't be true. There had to be some kind of mistake. Any minute Justin would call and everything would be straightened out. It was as if I stopped breathing once I opened the door. The only thing escaping was tears, that never seemed to stop. My mom had to take Aiden over to Sam's house with his mom. Sam had to help me upstairs to my bed and tried to get me to eat or drink something. I just wanted to curl up in my bed and disappear. There was nothing anyone could say to me that was going to help me. The next few days blended together. I couldn't bring myself to leave my bed, I never got up except to use the bathroom. I didn't say a word to anyone, I didn't eat or drink anything either. My life was empty.

Sam was the one who snapped me out of my silence. It had been four days of just laying in my bed. I was staring at the wall and he was suddenly next to me.

"Katie, you have to snap out of this. We're all grieving. We're all hurting. Your son needs you. Remember Aiden? Justin would want you to continue taking care of Aiden. He wouldn't want to see you like this. Kelly and Aiden need you, Katie. You can't keep living like this. You are strong enough to get through this. Please come back to us. Aiden doesn't need to lose both of his parents." He said, tears welling in his eyes. The last sentence is what punched life back into me. I blinked and then sat up. Sam pulled me into his arms. Then he sniffed and pulled away. "Let's get you in the shower and some toothpaste." He said helping me up. I still couldn't bring myself to say anything. I let Sam bring me into the bathroom. He left and sent Michelle, who was over to help out with Aiden since I wasn't exactly 'there'. Michelle came in and helped me shower. Once I was showered, she helped me to get dressed and brush my hair.

"Katie, I know this is hard, but we're all here for you. I hope you know that. Aiden needs you to be here for him. It's going to be okay." She said after helping me brush my teeth. Tears started to well in my eyes again.

"If I acknowledge him actually being gone, then I have to accept that he is gone. I can't do this without him, Mich. He's gone but he's everywhere. I can't even look at half this house, his half of the bed screams at me. His house screams at me. Aiden looks just like him. He's gone, Mich. Gone. He'll never be here again. I'm alone. I feel like someone has punched my heart through my chest leaving me empty. I can't breathe without feeling pain." I said, dropping to my knees again crying. She was at my side rubbing her hand in a small circle on my back. I leaned into her and let her hold me.

"It's going to be okay. You have all of us. It doesn't feel like it, but it will be okay. Kelly needs your help planning everything." She said. I couldn't bring myself to move. I know I needed to be with everyone else. I just couldn't bring myself to move. Michelle had called Sam and he came in to carry me. When he came in I looked into his eyes and saw how much he was hurting too. He picked me up and held me tight. At some point he must have put me on the couch with my mom because she was suddenly hugging me.

"Katie, I'm so sorry. It's going to be okay. We'll all get through this." I looked at Kelly and felt my heart shatter into a thousand pieces. She looked as bad as I felt. I got up and went over to pull her into a hug. She held me tightly. I suddenly felt guilty for leaving her to deal with this all alone. I should've been here for her.

"Kelly, I'm so sorry." Was all I managed to get out. She held me tighter. This was going to be the hardest thing I've ever had to do. We were just talking the other day about moving in together and buying furniture. How was he just gone now? Tears filled my eyes. I looked around for Sam, once we made eye contact I felt warmth spread throughout my body, bringing life back to my heart. He looked sad and worried.