Keep Holding On

Chapter 5

Their dinner had been nice and relaxing. Derek had taken them to a quiet little Italian seafood restaurant not far off the shore that had an amazing view of the ocean. Even Hanna had enjoyed the delicious food.

Not long after they'd finished the chocolate pie Derek had ordered for the special occasion, they drove home, stuffed and satisfied. Even though it was late and they were all tired, especially Hanna, she chattered non stop from the back seat. Meredith and Derek exchanged amused glances as their four year old daughter jumped topics from the lobsters in the tank at the restaurant they had just been at, to the old comic book about Superman Uncle George had read her earlier that day.

Meredith turned in her seat and laughed at her energetic girl. "Why don't you tell us about pre-school Hanna? What did you do today?"

Hanna's eyes widened. "Mama! Ashley P. said that I couldn't come to her birthday because Billy picked me to help pass out the glue sticks and not her and so I said that she couldn't be my best friend anymore and that only Jane and Robin could come to my birthday and then Peter said that none of us can come to his birthday because we're girls and his birthday is for only boys and I said that my birthday is for only girls and Ashley P. said hers was only girls too so we decided to be best friends again and I told her she could come to my birthday if I could go to hers and she said okay."

Derek's eyes went wide and Meredith bit back her laugh. "Well, I'm glad you and Ashley P. made up. But Hanna, your birthday is still a few months away."

"But can I have a party mama? I've never had a birthday party before!"

Meredith looked out the window for a moment before answering. Derek didn't miss the look that flashed through her eyes before smiling and turning back to her daughter.

"Of course you can have a birthday party. Turning 5 is a big deal." Meredith laughed as her daughter clapped her hands in pure joy and bounced in her pink booster chair.

"Yay! Thank you thank you thank you mama! I'm going to tell Robin and Jane and Ashley P. and Ashley W. tomorrow......"

Hanna went on and on about what they would do at her party and what she would wear, and when it became clear that she was clearly talking to herself, Meredith turned back around in her seat and stared quietly out the window, lost in her own thought.

She felt Derek reach over and grab her hand, intertwining his fingers in hers. She turned her attention from the black night to the handsome man, staring at her concerned.

"What's wrong Mer?"

"Nothing." She smiled reassuring. "I was just thinking about birthdays actually."

She laughed a sort of humorless laugh. With all that was going on, she found it irritating that something so dumb had sparked forgotten feelings of pain.

"Birthdays hu? You're birthday is coming soon. Are you worrying about getting old?" Derek squeezed her hand and looked at her teasingly.

Meredith let out a real chuckle. "No. It's nothing like that. It's just.... Never mind it's dumb." Meredith shook her head hoping Derek would forget it.

"Come on Mer, what is it?" Derek stole quick, curious glances at her, as he watched the road ahead of him.

Meredith sighed and lowered her voice. "It's just that I feel bad that Hanna hasn't had a real birthday yet. When we were alone, we never had any money, so I could never buy her anything special, and we barely had enough food to survive, let alone even dream about getting her a birthday cake...." Meredith's voice trailed off and she had to blink fast to keep her emotions in check.