Keep Holding On

Chapter 12

Meredith enjoyed the rare quiet that filled the old house. Izzie and Alex were working late and Hanna was next door, helping Callie get things ready for the approaching arrival of her and George's baby. Meredith sprawled on the couch, her legs hanging over the armrest, socked foot moving to the rhythm of an old Snow Patrol song coming from the stereo. Her day had been bad. Awful. And it felt good to just sit still and not think, like she had uselessly tried earlier in the hospital basement.

The door bell chime echoed through the house and Meredith temporarily considered ignoring it. But figuring it could be Callie and Hanna, she forced herself up and off the couch and padded to the door.

Meredith threw the door opened and froze in surprise. This was definitely the last person she expected to be showing up on her door step.

"Hello Meredith. I'm sorry to come over uninvited. But I wanted to formally introduce myself. I know we got off on the wrong foot today, and for that I apologize. I am truly sorry. I had no idea....anyways, hi, I'm Beverly. Beverly Shepherd."

Derek's mother offered out her hand and Meredith eyed it cautiously before accepting it in a quick, light hand shake. Meredith shifted back and forth uncomfortably, not sure what to say. Not sure of what was expected of her.

"Oh... um.... please come in... Mrs. Shepherd." She held the door open for the gray haired woman to enter and suddenly wished she wasn't alone. She'd do anything for someone, anyone, to help her through the inevitable awkward conversation that was sure to follow.

Meredith offered the older woman one of the tall arm chairs that sat on either side of a small, round, antique table in the living room. Meredith stood uncomfortable, wondering if she should offer coffee or tea. There wasn't much else she could handle on her own in the kitchen.

"Um... would you like... coffee... or something?" She wrung her hands, scared to death of the proper woman, perched perfectly on the chair in front of her.

"No thank you dear. I would like if you'd care sitting, so we might have a bit of a chat." She gestured towards the matching chair on the other side of the table with her blue eyes.

"Sure." Meredith said unsure, slowly lowering herself in the seat. She fidgeted with a string that was coming from the unraveled end of her t-shirt, as she waited for Derek's mom to take the lead.

"So, Derek said you won't take his calls. He's been trying to get a hold of you all day." Beverly watched the younger woman, her expression unreadable.

Meredith shot her head up in surprise. She knew she was avoiding Derek? She immediately figured Derek's mom must certainly consider her immature and childish, surely Addison had never behaved this way.

"Oh. Ya... I'm sorry. It's just...." Meredith wasn't sure what to say really. Derek had hurt her, again, and she wasn't ready to pretend it was fine between them.

"Meredith. I know what he did."

Again, Meredith looked up in surprise. Her voice wasn't judgmental, condemning. It was kind and compassionate. Understanding.

Beverly continuing before Meredith was able to say anything. "Derek is a foolish man. He didn't tell his own mother that he was now a father. That he had found the woman of his dreams, until I came barging into Seattle, and ran into you first. He's never been very good at relationships... Now, in no way do I commend what Addison did... betraying Derek with his own brother... But truth be told, he was distant. He had forgotten to be a husband first, doctor second." She shook her head, suddenly sad.

"It's my fault really. I didn't know how to raise a boy. Derek's father died when he was young. I had four other daughters, I suppose he sort of just slipped through the cracks. I never remarried. He never had a male role model. He never saw for himself how a successful marriage was achieved; the correct way for a supportive, productive partner to act. He's just kind of winged it. But now it's all catching up to him. He's finding, for the first time in his life, there's something more important than his job. And now he's scared to death that he can't do it both. He can't be Chief and he can't be the man you need. But you know what Meredith? He'd give up chief in a heart beat if he had to. You and Hanna are what matter to him now. Not his career anymore. He didn't say that in so many words. But I know Derek. I know my boy. And it was written all over his face. Screaming from his heart."