Keep Holding On

Chapter 38

Meredith lay numb on the large hospital bed. Nurses and doctors had come and gone late into the night. They poked and prodded, x-rayed and MRI'd. The baby was fine. The miniature heart beating solid and steady, oblivious to the trauma its mother had endured. The bottom half of Meredith's left arm had a small blue cast. A greenstick break had been found in her fibula and the cast had been placed to facilitate speedy healing. She had numerous bruises and abrasions, but the only other serious injury had been a hairline fracture in her right cheekbone.
And all they could offer was a light narcotic that was allowed during pregnancy.

She had yet to speak, choosing to stare straight ahead, almost unseeing. Derek hovered over her. He fed her ice chips and exchanged cool rags on her forehead. He fussed with her IV bag, assuring the fluid fell at the correct speed. He fluffed her pillow and adjusted her blankets. And yet, Meredith didn't say a word.

Their silence was interrupted by a quick heavy knock at the door. Derek turned to see a tall man in a dark suit enter, coffee in one hand, a laptop in the other.

The man introduced himself as Detective Russell and explained he was in charge of officially closing ongoing investigations. He only had a few quick questions, formalities and legalities, and then he'd be out of their hair. Forever.

Derek nodded and offered the chair to the side of the room that sat next to a small table. The detective lowered himself and took a long sip of his coffee before sitting it carefully on the table top and opening his computer. He cracked his knuckles and cleared his throat before beginning.

"Okay... let's see here..." He glanced through some papers he had brought with him before beginning. He mostly talked to himself, typing in dates and other unimportant information with quick clicking on the keyboard. He mumbled and muttered and glanced up once in a while but mostly kept his eyes trained on the screen before him.

"Well... obviously there will be no charges pressed against you Dr. Shepherd... your actions fall under self defense... you'll have the opportunity to sign your earlier statement tomorrow after the DA goes over it..." He was quiet a moment longer has his fingers continued to dance over the board.

He nodded to himself, before looking up once again. "All right... that was easy wasn't it... Miss... Grey..." The detective paused and furrowed his brows. "Meredith Grey?"

He turned back to his papers to insure he had the right name but Derek answered first.

"Yes... she's Meredith Grey." Derek was confused at the sudden change in tone.

The detective pinched his lip, apparently trying to remember something. Then understanding dawned and he returned to his computer, rapidly typing, trying to find something.

"Aha! Just what I thought. Are you by chance the Meredith Grey who disappeared from a Seattle Ferry boat on September 16, 2006?"

Derek tilted his head surprised. "Yes that would be her." He continued to speak for Meredith.

The detective nodded a moment before elaborating. "Detective Henry happens to be a good friend of mine...you know ... the PI you hired a while back?"

Derek nodded, knowing exactly who he was referring to.

"Well you might get a kick out of this. He never mentioned it to you, but he took it upon himself to find the man who attempted to mug Miss Grey that night and inevitably was the cause of her falling overboard. And just a few months back, we found out that the mugger in question, had been so overcome with a case of guilt, he turned himself into the police only weeks later. He explained that he was a petty crime criminal. He had never hurt anyone before in his entire life and couldn't sleep knowing what had happened. He claimed it was an accident, he hadn't meant to make her slip, but after it had happened, he was so scared he didn't tell anyone until he turned himself in. He's been in the Seattle City Jail ever since. Since there never was a missing person report filed, it wasn't until Detective Henry started his investigation that we were able to link the two. Story's like these are pretty rare in my line of work."

Derek nodded slowly, his mouth slightly agape. That was indeed quite the turn of events. He turned and smiled down at Meredith, expecting her to share the same emotions that were coursing through his body. Instead her face was expressionless and she chose again to remain quiet. Derek reached and picked up the hand that wasn't connected to a cast and tenderly ran his fingers over her soft skin as the detective finished up and excused himself.

It was late and the excitement of the night was wearing off, the adrenaline long gone, leaving Derek weak and exhausted. He could only imagine the fatigue Meredith was feeling and looked down at her lovingly.

It was then that Derek noticed something for the first time that night. Meredith's eyes, those beautiful green eyes that made his heart leap, were vacant. The green had turned dull and lifeless. They were empty. Hallow.

Derek lowered himself carefully so he was sitting next to her on the bed, concern etched in his features.

"Mer?" His voice was soft and patient.

Her blank stare continued straight ahead a moment, before slowly turning and resting her tired gaze on Derek. She blinked, as if finally seeing him for the first time.

"Derek." Her voice was barely a hoarse whisper. "We need to talk."

___________

The way Meredith had said those four words filled Derek's heart with dread. Her voice was barren, her stare still vacant.

Derek slipped his shoes off and climbed fully on the bed, settling himself next to Meredith. He didn't like her tone and was afraid of what she might say, so he placed a gentle finger over her soft lips.

He wrapped his arms protectively around her tiny body, pulling her small back so it was pressed tightly against his chest.

"Shhh." He whispered as he stroked her hair and rubbed her back tenderly.

He didn't want to hear what she had to say. He knew she was exhausted and traumatized and whatever words would come out of her mouth might not be ones she really meant. And so he held her. He buried his face into her soft hair and breathed her in. His hand moved softly up and down her arm, caressing her skin until he felt her relax.

Soon her breathing grew heavy and her heart beat steadied. And only then, when Derek thought she had finally fallen asleep, did he let his heavy eyes close. He let out a quiet sigh of relief, knowing that sleep would do both of them good.
Knowing sleep might ease the pain that Meredith seemed to be internally struggling with.

The dark and peaceful sleep had almost claimed Derek when he felt Meredith slightly shake against his body. He listened and couldn't mistake the sound of her sniffling.

She was crying. And for some reason unknown to Derek, she didn't want him to know.

Instead of letting her pull away, Derek increased the strength of his grip and pulled her closer, burying her body with his. He knew words were of no use right now, so he remained quiet, letting his body offer solid comfort as she cried herself to sleep.