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❝I'm drowning in such a way. breathing water. still alive❞
CULLEN HOUSE, ANNAS ROOM
As graduation came closer and closer, Anna couldn't help but be more disappointed than ever.
She was disappointed with herself for yelling at Caius, for having to leave home and not graduate with her twin sister like they always talked about, for not being there for Bella when bad things happened between her and Jacob leaving to a sprained wrist.
Anna was drowning. Drowning in Guilt and self-hatred. She refused to leave her bed, much preferring lying in bed wallowing in her own self-pity rather than face all the people she felt she had disappointed.
Fortunately the good doctor, aka. Carlisle Cullen wasn't about to give up on Anna, he called Saoirse after 24 hours of the girl not eating, talking or sleeping, and Saoirse, who had grown quite fond of the Stanley girl, wasted no time in coming to the Cullen house hold to visit Anna, and talk through whatever the girl needed.
"Anna?" Saoirses gentle voice rang out, from the other side of the door as she softly knocked. Her voice was much clearer than it usually would be due to the hole in the wall, yet Ana didn't bother to acknowledge it, she simply turned over so her back was facing the door, "I'm coming in" she said softly. Anna could hear the sound of the door opening before she felt the bed sink ever so lightly, she turned around only to be faced with Saoirses ocean deep irises, it was obvious that the woman held a lot of wisdom inside that head of hers, and Anna believed that it was what drew her to trust Saoirse in the first place.
They looked at each other for a while, Saoirse patiently waiting for Anna to be ready to say something, only she didn't, instead she broke down crying. Saoirse lightly stroked Annas hair as she sobbed in to her pillow, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" she cried "I didn't mean to hurt them, I never meant to hurt anyone" she sobbed, "I know sweetheart, I know" Saoirse answered in her soothing voice
"Graduation is coming up" Anna said, in a calmer voice, she had cried for a while but had somewhat regained hold of herself, "I have to celebrate with all the people that hurt me so so deeply, and I feel guilty for thinking like that you know? it's my sisters day, and I should be happy that I'm celebrating her, but I just can't be happy. Also I yelled at Caius, he's kind of a- I don't really know what he is if I'm being honest. Bella sprained her wrist, I didn't even notice- yet another thing I feel Quilty about. There's just so many things going on and I just can't exist in it, I feel like I'm constantly choking, like I can't breathe" she explained to Saoirse, who listened carefully.
The girl in front of her was in pain, that much was obvious, and Saoirse had never before wanted to help someone so badly, yet felt so lost in doing so, it was like no matter what she did or said, Anna was adamant on holding on to her way of thinking and feeling, but she wasn't going to give up, she knew that that was what Anna expected her to do after a while, but she refused to do so.
"Anna, listen. I'm sure that the thing hurting these people the most is the fact that you're hurting, now what you've been doing, it's all been to protect yourself, it might not have been the right way to do it, but that's because no one has ever taught you how to take care of yourself, but it's not too late, I will do everything I can to help you Anna that's aa promise." Saoirse finally answered in a serious voice that was full of passion, "but there's one thing you have to promise me too" this caught Annas attention, she looked up at the woman sitting besides her "what?" she asked softly.
"Well you have to promise yourself really, because you can only recover fully if you're doing it for yourself, now promise that you'll try, not because others need you to, but because you need you to"
Anna thought for a moment, she had been this way for years, did she really want to change, was she really ready to let go of everything she felt defined her and start anew? regardless was it even possible, had too much damage been done? She wanted to be able to smile at her sisters graduation and mean it, she wanted to be able to support her friend who was going though one hell of a time, she wanted to be able to live at home, she wanted to be a person that people were excited to see, when she thought about it she wanted so many things out of life still, and perhaps she was ready. Ready to fight to get better, ready to become something more than the depressed girl, ready to be Anna again.
"I promise myself that I will do everything I can to get better"
