His wife

>winterball<

The second I get into the ball room I already want to leave all these masses of people, of Nazis. One of my biggest fears gets tested furthermore as I find some men already staring at me from the side which probably is due to the very fitted, nearly off shoulder dress I am wearing.

Out of sheer reflex, I immediately go to the side of the room and look around carefully. To an outsider I surely look around suspiciously but how couldn't I when there are swastikas everywhere? As I look at them so focused, I wonder what they even stand for. Clearly this must mean something but I have no idea what this thing could mean. The symbol that is on our Soviet flag certainly has a meaning most everyone knows. But what does this nearly mathematically looking symbol mean?

While my glances flows through the room, I spot two people who I have heard about an awful lot.

He is standing there.

Standing there in some suit while casually talking to some other men with swastikas around their arms and next to this terrifyingly evil 'Führer', devil even, stands she. Next to Hitler she stands filled with grace.

Blonde hair, fair skin, blue eyes and dressed in white. Edith Meier, future Mrs Hitler. She already seems so elegant from a far but the way she smiles alone, this tenderness, seems like the total opposite to him. She looks like a saint and he like satan himself.

If she weren't smiling, I'd like to ask her why she chose him as her future husband, though I know I would never have the confidence to talk to her. Nevertheless it is her story to tell how she got to this point and not mine.

So I rather go back to looking around. To be honest I don't know why but I thought this whole thing would be more impressive. These swastikas are suppressing and so far no music plays because they all are just greeting one another. Which is ridiculously uncomfortable because all seem to know or at least heard about each other while I am standing on the outskirt of this room and try not to freak out.

With hips swinging quite confidently, the next person I have heard about a lot is entering, Ruth Wagner. She is not only the best friend of Miss Meier, but she also was romantically involved with Heydrich, the important SS-man that got assassinated, though I must admit I don't know her full story.

In my training they showed me a picture of these women together with their lovers and I got told that if they can get such men to fall for them, I should be able to do the same with someone less important.

Though what they have failed to consider is that both of them have what I am lacking, confidence. Not only confidence in themselves, but also in their charm and beauty.

Honestly, the longer I watch them, the more anxious I get. How can they act this natural while surounded by these men, while being stared at by them?
How can they not grow uncomfortable when all eyes are on them? Is it only me who feels intimidated knowing I am watched by others?

''Beautiful would you like a drink?'' A man dressed in a SA uniform says with two glasses of champangne in his hand and while staring at my body.
No, I am not dealing with this.

Out of anxiety, I leave this man standing there alone and rush to the bathroom. As I get in there I am alone, though I still lock the toilet cubicle. And I just ran in here like I was running for my life.

My breath is extremly short while I hold myself barely on my feet. This is too much. Too many swastikas, too many eyes staring at me, too many people. Calm down Anastasia, you can't afford to have a panic attack now which would ruin your makeup, which would draw even more unwanted attention.

It's fine, being stared at is the price I am paying for this dress. And that is not too bad because if they are distracted, they won't figure out I am a spy.
Why am I lying to myself? This is not fine at all because their stares make me dreadfully uncomfortable. I take one deep breath after another while I hear how the door to the bathroom opens. Whining doesn't help. I can't blow this thing. It's just one evening Anastasia, pull yourself together and just walk out here. Get all of the confidence hiding in your bones and just do this.