His wife

>from white to grey<

''A Jew?'' His tone is a mixture of confusion and the fact that he obviously doesn't think highly of them. A fact I still am unable to understand and forced to tolerate. I barely nod to answer him, I do so because I have to hold myself back from once again questioning why these Nazis think that a religion is a race. ''Then she really is doomed.''

After he states this fact in a more empathy manner, a manner I am not sure whether it's true or an act, we stay silent for a bit. All I do is to watch the sun shining on the meadow while breathing slowly. What I see is a sort of peace which I haven't seen in a long time. And despite me knowing that there is no real peace here, I like the imagination of it.

I like not hear about war, not having to listen to the shouted speeches of a man who doesn't seem to realize that violence can't be an answer. Or maybe it's the fact that here are no black clouds rising into the sky, no men in uniforms laughing about how horrible the Soviets are, and they do so without knowing that I am right here.

Though I still recall why I am here and what I have to find out. And it's not only my duty but also a great burden to me, maybe even the greatest one in my life.

What's pathetic even is the fact that all the answers sit next to me in form of Josef. I'm certain that he could answer everything question and maybe even more than that, though he wouldn't. 'To protect me' as he calls it. A odd reason for keeping someone in the dark, for denying things even.

But I don't show any of my thoughts, I just stare mindlessly with big eyes in order not to make him question anything. And as my eyes wander over to him, I notice that he was staring at me this whole time. It's a soft stare, loving even and partly this expression in his eyes reminds me of the way my mother used to look at me. Simply filled with love, though this time it's rather not as simple to me for multiple reasons.

The main one being that I don't understand why he loves me, why anyone would to be honest. "What thought is it that breaks your heart?" His calm tone and the sudden moving closer to me, shows that he does notice it when my mind gets lost. Something I know I should suppress, but I would be myself if I did. I also wouldn't be myself if I lied now.

"I am just overthinking why you'd love me. Don't I seem quite plain, prude and boring to you?" It was my intention to make this sound like a joke, but I can't. Instead these words leave my mouth in a soft and rather quiet tone, one that reveals how insecure I can be. In all seriousness, he shakes his head and puts one of his arms gently around me.

"If you could just see through my eyes. When I first saw you back on that ball, I instantly thought that you were the sheer definition of beauty. And when I first approached you, I had to come to the conclusion that you were a rather shy person, yet the kind of person who is so significantly different that she even herself doesn't see the last she is. Within every word you said that evening, I noticed the kindness and wit behind them which was something that fascinated me. And I still can't understand for the life of me how someone as beautiful, as innocent, as pure, as sweet, as good and as lovely as you; looks in the mirror without spotting these qualities.

Though I must admit that I only realized that I loved you when I first saw you dance. Because suddenly you turned from a rather quiet person to expressing more than a thousand words. Right there and then I saw before my own eyes an angel, one I want to protect from all the darkness, all the sorrows in the world. In that moment I decided that you deserve pure happiness and that I would try my best to provide you with it.

And I know that sometimes I can't find the right words to say it or don't know how to show it, but you must believe me that I genuinely love you. More than I could ever show, more than you could ever imagine. I really love it when you smile, I adore you when I see you dance and Anna I love you with all of my heart."

As he finishes speaking, I firmly lie in his arms and stare up at him. This honesty, this genuine version of him, I wish he always was like this. I wish with all my heart that I'd never had to return to the place where his fellows commit crimes while others suffer.

This thought and his words are the reason that I now have tears in my hazel coloured eyes. Carefully I sit up on his lap and just stare into his eyes before putting a soft kiss on his lips. A kiss I also end shortly afterwards, though he puts his hand on the back of my head to press a longer kiss on my lips.

"Sometimes I feel like we could never understand each other and then there are moments like now when it all seems so clear." For a moment he looks down as he hears my comment, perhaps because he is well aware of what I am talking about.

"I know. I will never understand your perspective on certain things, but I am willing to tolerate them and some I even accept. Purely because it's clear to me that your mind is too kind, your heart too golden and your soul too pure to ever understand certain things. Partly I also think you are too young to get why some of my point of views are the way they are."

Maybe it's only me, but in between these words I know exactly what he means. He accepts my faith in God and tolerates my hate of violence. And in return I will never accept and not in a thousand years understand why he'd hate Jews. Never.

The thing about that though, is that I for some reason can't hate him for the way he thinks. Maybe because in the back of my mind he is like he is right now; calm, charming and gentle. Therefore, I do want us to work out somehow. "It's it rather more important that we can make compromises?" He smiles at how innocently I just said this, probably also at my pure intentions which he seems to adore.

"It is. It is." And as he says those words, I lie back down in his arms and watch the white clouds. It's quiet enough so that I can here his heart beat strongly in his chest and can feel how his thorax is rising and lowering again and again.

Right now in this moment you could view us as just two people, lovers, who are lying in the grass and watching the different shapes of clouds pass on a nice summer sky. In this very moment, you can see that there can be peace found in the uncertain. That sometimes there is calm in between two fronts of a war.

Suddenly I spot a black cloud rising up into the sky, mixing it's colour with white ones near. As I see this, my smile curves downwards and I immediately turn around to look at Josef. But he has his eyes closed and breaths calm with a smile on his lips.
_

Right there, I noticed that he doesn't see the dark cloud coming towards us, he doesn't even seem to suspect it. Neither did he saw how the black one was changing a white one into grey, how the colours mixed. And how quickly it was that pure white turned grey, how fast the influence of the black one took over.

Josef didn't see it, but I did. And I swallowed as said thoughts turned into theories in my mind.

Was I beyond saving too?