His wife

>sinners lie, angels die<

My demand stirs up deep confusion in him which he shakes of by shaking his head. ''No. I- I can't do that.'' He sounds softly sad, though I can't react to it. All I do is to stare at him, stare with rage in my eyes, anger, fear and also hate. Those are emotions which I don't know how to express at all for I never felt this way, for society thaught me that girls just don't feel this way. For my Christianity always lectured me to love others, to feel for them and to be kind and not to feel such strong hatred.

This hate, though, might not be directly at Josef but at 'Dr Mengele' and I am so very mad at him, something I only show through my stares. He can not possess any sort of morality, after all not only does he tolerate and accept this, no, he even partakes in it. Therefore I feel a sort of anger which I never thought myself to be capable of.

But I am also so very mad at myself, you see, I now know about this for some minutes and I haven't acted yet. And furthermore I now also don't understand God anymore. He knows about this and yet he doesn't act. Right now I really start to completely lose my faith, right now I really question whether there is a God or if he ever existed. Though could religion really just be a fraud?

Tears stream down my face as I stare into his eyes with completely numbness. If I was a Jew, he wouldn't care. Though I am not, I am his little 'Anna', a lie and suddenly only a small sin compared to this massive one. ''Please don't look at me like that. Liebes, you know this is not my choice. I'm just fulfilling my orders and I didn't choose any of this, so don't be mad at me. Don't paint me in the blame.''

''My problem is that you are fulfilling your orders.'' And despite that he actually cares about me, he couldn't care less about my opinion. It shows in his none existing reaction towards the statement I just made. Though I cannot look into his eyes any longer and so I try to pull myself up and fail miserably. So it seems that not only my faith and soul have left me but also my strength.

As I am about to fall down to the ground again, he holds me up and carefully leads me to the sofa as if he was afraid to break me furthermore. While I overhear him in the background doing some stuff in the kitchen, I just sit here and stare at the light fireplace. As I stare at those flames, I can not help myself but think about the bodies of innocent people being burned while I sit here every day and do school stuff.

They don't deserve this. This is not right. In fact this is utterly wrong on so many levels. But I seem to be the only one here who sees it that way. Those Nazis must be ruthless, soulless, without a conscience and totally inhuman! Those are the sheer definition of sinners and so they will burn in hellfire, which will burn just like the fire I am watching right now.

While I am running out of hope due to these thoughts, I didn't notice that Josef placed a plate of dinner in front of me and now sits next to me while eating his one. Emotionally numb, I stare at him from the side as if I was barely a ghost of the girl I used to be. As if I was the ghost of one of the many Jews that let their lives due to him. So you see, I did realize in these past minutes that he as a Nazi is rotten to the core, rotten at the core in his case.

His facade is nowhere near rotten, no it's polished and perfectly without a trace of regret for his actions. It is a facade made out of charm and lies. A doctor, he said. Just a doctor and that is what I believed because I am nothing but a naive child; though doctors don't kill. Quite the opposite, they save lives but not Nazi doctors. As a Nazi even a doctor's coat becomes a uniform and the oath he had sworn to save lives was overshadowed by his oath to the SS, to the Reich and the Führer.

So now as I sit here and stare back at the fire, I realize that maybe this is hell. Maybe the bible lied about this as well, though I just wonder what I did to earn a place in this hell. Am I rotten as well? A sinner just like them?