His wife

>hold your breath<

Once we are out of the train, Josef confidently walks over to a car with an open top which seems to have been waiting for us. Because I have no idea what to do, I simply do everything like my husband; I greet them in their proper way, I put my bags in the back and then I sit down next to him.

Even from a far I notice that this place is worse than I have imagined. Maybe it's all the barbed wire, the sign over the gate that says 'work sets free' or the dark fog rising up into the grey sky.

As we get closer to Auschwitz, I am immediately hit by a truly absurd smell, though when I glance to the side at Josef, I see that only I seem to be bothered by this. While he casually talks to some guard who stand at the side of the entry and shows them our papers, I look behind the wire and feel even furthermore shocked.

There is a sign on the wire that says that there is electricity on it. Which means that either they want to keep people out or in. Admittedly, I barely know anything about this place but from all I've seen so far, I wonder for what they need a doctor.

Only judging the atmosphere of this place, it doesn't seem like you are meant to survive this. The darkness here makes me grow anxious. During the whole day the sun was shining but now it suddenly seems like there was no sun, barely any light at all. Only this dark fog is covering the sky.

''I see that you'll be stationed in Auschwitz-Birkenau, Dr Mengele. Shall we first show you your office and laboratory or your flat?'' As one of the guards asks this, he looks up from our papers and at me before looking at the doctor he spoke to.

And while this man just looked at me, I still can't fully understand what is going on here, nor what this place really is. But what I could see in his eyes is that he question what I'd be doing here. ''At first to the flat. I'd prefer it if my wife stayed there.'' His tone is as charming as ever as he announces this and then the driver of the car just starts its engine again to lead us to our new home.

Though before we even pass through the next gate, Josef puts one of his hands over my curiously staring eyes and whispers calmly into my ear ''I think it is better if you don't see this.''
This sentence makes me even more nervous. Partly it's my curiosity that wants to know what is happening and understand what this place is. But I also know that I was trained to be a spy in order to figure out what they are doing in such camps and I know I can't do that if he is shielding me from this reality.

And so I don't see all the things we pass, but I hear what this guard explains to us and this smell gets stronger, more suffocating. ''So over there is where the ones go who can work, and this obviously is where the ones go who can't. As you can see by the black smoke and also smell, we just got rid of another hundred of them.'' The smell he is talking about makes me sick, literally wanna throw up. It smells like something in between roasted or rather burned meat and death, though I am not sure whether you can smell death or not.

The thing that this guy doesn't tell us, probably because it is obvious, is that they are talking about Jews, homosexualls, political opponents and so on. And this fact was basically all I knew about this place until now, I just knew that the Nazis send people here who they don't want. And as I realize that, I wonder whether Josef got send here to work or if he has become a throne in their eyes and they want him to meet the same faith.

This thought furthermore makes me grow fearful. With a shaking hand I reach out for Josef's because I seriously feel uncomfortable. "You don't have to be scared. They are behind barbed wires." His voice sounds like he wanted to calm me down, though he doesn't seem to understand that I don't fear those we pass but those in front of us.

"Back there is where the trains regularly arrive with a new loads of those. Which means that right there near the railroad tracks is where you and other doctors will do the selection." And as he says that I just want to see Josef's face. Only to read his expression, whether his eyes narrow in suspicious because of this tasks, whether his eyes glance calmly or if he even seems curious. Though I can not say that because I can't not see it.