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The talk with Taehyung did do its magic to lift the mood between us. I took a break from being mad at myself, from mentally punching myself in the face and instead tried spending time actually hanging out with the man who had traveled so far just to spend time with me and make sure I was alright.

We were walking by the water on the pier to get a change of scenery after days cooped up in the apartment and I was starting to feel almost normal. I hadn't forgotten that I was in the middle of hating myself, but I had hid it so far in the back of my mind that I was able to give Taehyung most of my attention. And when I did so, I also caught myself in utter disbelief whenever I looked at him. It took energy I no longer had to stop staring at him so I didn't.

The joy in his eyes as he walked around reading random signs out loud just to show me he could understand them, a man struggling with English his entire career, now able to understand everything. He was practically glowing as he walked next to me, happiness and excitement radiating off him like a heater. I couldn't bring myself to wallow in my preferred mood around him, and at some part of the day he managed to make me see that how I was around him, should be my preferred mood.

I would probably not get over what I did to Martin. In some way I feel like it might also be just fair that that stays with me for the rest of my existence. I'm not saying I should walk around being depressed about it forever, I'm just saying I shouldn't ever think that what I did was okay. But Taehyung had in just days shown me just why I had to do what I did. It wasn't as much a choice and more of a "Better sooner than later" kind of thing. I wouldn't have been able to stay with Martin, at all. I was never a good actor and just thinking back to how repulsed my entire existence was just by the thought of sharing a bed with him, I wouldn't have been able to fake the affection. Because my soul had made a connection with someone else, someone who wasn't Martin. I wouldn't have been good for him. The reality hurts but in my head, especially after meeting Taehyung, it made sense.

"Are you going to tell your parents about us?" Taehyung snapped me out of my train of thought. We had stopped at a small café for some lunch and I was nibbling on my sandwich, lost in thought.

"I think they deserve an explanation" I muttered. "But I want to know what my life is before I have to explain it to anyone. Soulmates are not really a common topic around the people I know. Neither is it something people associate with something positive. I just want to find out what it means to be a soulmate and to have a soulmate before I introduce other factors into this part of my life."

He nodded and looked carefully at me, not letting my eyes move from his.

I should probably call them anyway though, or at least charge my phone and text them i thought. The past days have been without any sort of communication with anyone other than Taehyung and the occasional person who showed up in my head to make sure I was alright. For the most part that was Jin, which I guess made sense seeing as he probably could feel the emotional pain I was in. I've apologised so many times for that, but I don't think I'll ever be able to say it enough.

My parents weren't really worriers, they knew I had a life to live, they knew I'd be in contact with them if I needed them and I rarely contacted them more than once a week unless there was some special occasion. But I should probably tell them I moved out of my apartment, and that Martin and I no longer are a thing. They deserve to be somewhat kept in the loop.

Returning to the apartment we let the bags of art supplies fall to the ground, arms heavy from carrying them for longer than intended.

We'd walked past an art suppliance store on our way back, and I'd gotten beyond excited when he suggested we should try painting or drawing to release some pent up tension or to just let our creativity out to run today. I loved to paint, if I wasn't in my current job, doing graphic design for a downtown ad company, I'd want to be a painter. I took classes to learn when I was in high school, and I almost studied it in college, but with a good job offer straight out of high school I decided I needed the money more than I needed to indulge in a hobby.

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