Like Chalk And Cheese [Completed]

Do I love him?

When I finally got the energy to get out of the bed, I dragged my feet to the washroom and stayed in there for another hour. It was already afternoon when I left the room, the sun was shining bright and high.  Such a dreary and clear, cloudless sky further dispirited my mood.

Amir got my breakfast in the tv area where I munched on the toast while staring at a blind spot, my mind straining itself on its own accord. Thoughts never left you alone, did they?

I did not like being disliked by anyone, it only resulted in a crushed self-esteem. Was I too loud, too spirited, too insolent, too pathetic, too much of everything to be loved? Do I change myself in a way that would make people like me? Mohib took interest me all well, why couldn’t anybody else?

Even if I had done something of the sorts that I was punished for, was it that big of a crime that everybody got disgusted, and started hating me? Was it really that unforgivable, just one mistake in my entire life, and my family couldn’t have forgiven just that?

Why? Did I really have such an unlikeable personality? Was my presence really a burden?

I didn’t remember how long I sat there on the couch in the tv area, wallowing in self-loathing. It was quite long though, because Rohan returned at some point, holding a couple of big shopping bags in his hand, a huge gleeful grin stretching up his mouth in two.

He ranted on about how his new favourite Agha - since Agha Hashir was now apparently too busy to take him anywhere - took him to different kids’ store and got him so many things, including a new hoverboard he’d wanted for so long, since Baba Jaan too was busy to take him. One of the bags was filled with colorful candies, and one had an assortment of action figures. He was too happy to remember that I’d lashed at him, or maybe children never really took grudges against anyone. I missed being a kid, missed not caring too much about stuff.

“I’m sorry, Rohan.” I spoke up in a low voice.

He was sitting beside me on the couch, going through all the things he’d shopped, all spread out on the center table. He turned his neck to look at me. “For?”

“For snapping at you.”

“It’s okay. Mama Jaan says you should always forgive people.” He grinned and returned his attention back on his newly bought items.

“I know.” I mumbled quietly, my mind wandering off to a certain someone, that I thought I was being harsher with than necessary. “I didn’t mean it when I said you should go back. I liked that you came. Why don’t you come more often?”

“I check daily, Api. But the door is always locked, and the gunmen at the gates never let me go out of the house by myself.”

Planting my head up on my fist on the head rest of the couch, upon which I had fixed my elbow, I gazed at him, pleasantly surprised at his little declaration. “You check daily?”

“Yes, because there’s so much I feel like sharing with you, and I also all the time need your help with homework. Mama Jaan doesn’t know a lot of things, you know.”

I suppressed a chuckle that was bubbling at the back of my throat. “Buri baat, Rohan. Mama Jaan knows stuff more than we could ever know. Mothers are always smarter than anybody else.”

“Really?” He said with a distracted mind as he unpacked the hoverboard, his fingers working eagerly to unbox his most favourite thing he’d gotten today.

“Mhm. I love you, bro.” I added as I gave him a playful shove in the shoulder.

“Do you love Agha?”

Something pounded against the walls of my heart. “Which one?” I asked even though I knew perfectly well who he was talking about.

“Agha Hasan.”