Like Chalk And Cheese [Completed]

Embrace her, arsehole

Guilt. Irritation. Annoyance. Anger. Regret. Self-reproach. And desire, the way my heart yearned for the person I’d never have imagined even in my wildest dreams that it would. If only there hadn’t been such an overwhelming rush of emotions swarming my heart and my mind, to the point that that force of them began to overpower my better sense of judgement.  Never in my life had I hated myself as much as I did when I seemed to have completely lost it as I pulled her into my room - and then pushed her out too. What the fuck was I honestly thinking.

And Reeba couldn’t have arrived at a worse time.The last thing I wanted at that moment to be honest. But regardless, the bastard that I was, I took it as the opportunity to avoid Warda, since I couldn’t bring myself to face her. I didn’t really know what to say to her, because hell I didn’t even know myself what I wanted. I’ve honestly never been this confused in my entire freaking existence.

As much as I hated turning all cold with her without any sort of explanation - I know I should fucking stop doing that to her - I couldn’t sit her down to talk too until I was completely sure of whatever the heck it was that I wanted. I hated the look of intense despair that settled on her face when she found me embracing Reeba just the next morning. The fact that she wore her emotions on her sleeve made the matters even worse. I hated avoiding her, hated my every bloody gesture, action and word that hurt her. And yet I was doing anything but.

I didn’t know who to resent though. Who’s fault was it that I was feeling the way I was for her? Her? Or mine? In my carefully planned life, this unusual and uncalled desire and feelings were an anomaly, that too for a girl younger than me. Coming to terms with something you hadn’t thought of occurring is always a difficult task.

I wanted to wait until Reeba left to think about it with a clear mind, and the only thing I’d never have thought of was a fucking scene at my office. Reeba wasn’t supposed to find out until I was ready to tell her myself, until the fact mattered enough. Or at the very least not how she did. The circumstances couldn’t have been worse.

I knew how Warda was behaving with her, and I understood her completely - found it oddly pleasing too - but of course Reeba didn’t, she could never have. What I hadn’t anticipated though, was Warda telling her what I’d lied about. Had I known she would, I’d have sought her out and would have specifically mentioned to her not to.
Reeba then of course, predictable enough, came storming to my office and shouted, yelled and cried until she tired herself. Calming her down in her emotionally worst moments had always been an impossible task. A scene at my workplace where my employees stood as spectators outside the premises of my room was what it took for the emotions to run rampant in my heart.

But I had been managing to compose myself all fine, until, that is, I hadn’t received the call from the Agha Enterprises, informing me of the audience with a potential client in two days. Being dictated by Agha Jaan for what my next plan of action was supposed to be was what triggered me. I exploded then. I was already debating leaving after Reeba, worrying about her state of mind, so it was only reasonable that I set off immediately all together.

The way Warda’s eyes watered though, the glistening shean of tears that coated her lashes, the slight tremble of her lower lip, and the look with which she regarded me, a mingled expression of pain and defeat, the one that I was to blame for, made me falter in my step.

And the state I had found her in, when I came back into the house to fetch the passport I’d left in the side drawer in my frenzy, made me seriously revisit my decision of leaving. But checking up on Reeba was more important, I could deal with Warda later. I was leaving her with as much security as I could arrange anyways, since I didn’t want to make the same mistake as I did before. 

Sitting up on the counter, hands in her lap, eyes down at a blind spot, back straight and erect, she seemed lost. Before a massive wave of guilt hit me and my heart could have ached, I turned and hurried my movements and was out of the house again in no time.