Trying to Find a Way

Chapter Thiry-two

"This is delicious," Tory moans as she takes a bite of her steak salad.

Jordan brought us to a fancy place. The name is to hard to pronounce because it's in French.

I silently eat my own salad. Troy's family has been talking nonstop; I on the other hand, is quiet has mouse.

Troy laces his hand with mine has Jordan begins to tell the story about us.

I look up and she Troy looking at me.

He gives me a small smile.

Of course I return it.

While they family was talking, it gave me time to be in my own thoughts.  My own thoughts drown me, I can't be in them for long.

 I couldn't help but feel jealous of Troy's family.  For two years, he thought his twins was dead.  Then he gets this feeling that she's still alive.  In the end, it ends up to be true.  They have a family.  They finally have a whole family.

I get in the way of it.  It's not fair to them that they spend money on me, take care of me because I act so weak, so fragile.  They take care of my own house that I told even live in!

It's time for me to take care of myself.  After school tomorrow, I will find a job, pay for the bills, and take care of myself.

+++++++++++++++

"Troy can I talk to you?" I ask as he and Tory are on the couch watching tv.  I wasn't with them.  I was pacing back and forth in his room trying to find a way to tell him my idea.

"Yeah sure, what do you need?" He said as he keeps his eyes on the tv.

"Well I need to talk to you in private," I say and play with the hem of my shirt.

His focus is now on me.

"Okay, lets go to our room.  Tory I'll be right back," he says and walks over to me.

We walk up the stairs in silence.  Once we get to the room, he closes the door.

"What's wrong?" He asked me.

"I need to start taking care of myself," I simply say.

A confused look spreads across his face.

"What are you talking about?" He questioned.

"Your parents spend money on me.  To feed me, to dress me, they even pay the bills of a house I don't even live in!" I explain.

"They do that because they love you," He shoots back.

"I know that.  I am so grateful your parents took me in and are raising me, but I can't let them pay for everything.  I'm going to get a job, and I'll first start paying for my house, and then second I'll pay them back all the money they spent on me," I said.

For some reason Troy isn't getting what I'm saying.  He is getting mad.

"You don't have to get a job or pay them back!  We're rich!  We will never need money from you!" His voice starts to rise.

Somehow the last sentence stung.  We never fought before.

"I will pay them back," I yell.

"Not if we're not together!" He screams.

My heart breaks.

"What?" My voice cracks.  It becomes soft.

"You heard me!  I think we need a break.  My sister just came back and I want time with her," He says.

Troy is the only person who could say misplaced one word and make me cry.  This-this is something new.

My knees feel weak.

Instantly Troy realizes what he said.  He is shocked with the words he said.

"Carolina-" He starts to walk over to me.

I feel like I've been shot.

"No.  If really want that, then have it," I say while sobbing.

I run towards his window and open it.  My window needs to be unlock.

Luck was on my side.  It was unlocked.

"Carolina! Don't leave!  Please I didn't mean to say what I said!"  He yells as he rushes towards me.

I leap into my old room.  My blurry vision didn't make it easy.

Instantly, I shut the window and lock it.  Sobs choke out of me.

He wanted to end our relationship.

My heart can't take the pain.  This is worse than any hit, any abuse that I got from my own family.  This is like your getting shot, a million times in the heart, yet you don't die.  You can't.

He never physically abused me, mentally is a lot worse.  That's what he did.

I cry for hours.  Soon the sun comes out.

I haven't moved from the same spot all night. 

School.  I have to go to school. 

I'll go back to my old habits, the way it used to be before I met Troy.  I'll go to a party tonight.

I head to my closet of old clothes.  A sweatshirt and sweatpants are perfect. 

The mirror did not like me today.

My eyes were pink and puffy.  Around my nose was pink.  I pull my hair up into a messy bun.

The kitchen was empty.  This house is nothing but a ghost town.

My old converses are my new best-friends.

I walk outside where the blazing sun is beating down.

I head to the side walk.  I see Troy looking out of one of the windows.  I look up at him, that was a horrible choice.

His eyes are a little puffy.  He has a regretful look on his face. 

My eyes are drawn to the ground.  I have to continue walking.

+++++++++++++++

School has been hell.

Somehow people found out that Troy and I are taking a break.  That gives the bullies to have there chance to come back and bully me.

I haven't seen Troy today but he is here.

As I'm walking back to my locker, I get pushed.

I probably never mentioned this, but the bullies used to be my friends.  They are Bea's friends.

Once I am pushed, I fall to the ground.  Seconds later someone kicks me.

I curl up into a ball, wanting to disappear.

"What a loser," one of them said.

"Stop," someone says.