Trying to Find a Way

Chapter twenty-three

Headache.

That's what wakes me.

I let out a whine.

My head is pounding. It hurts like hell.

I turn away from the light that appears out of no where.

My head is stuffed in the bunches of pillows that lay on my bed.

Thoughts rush into my head.

Getting a drink from James.

That's about it.

My head shoots up from the pillows and look around.

I'm in Troy's room.

I let out a sigh of relief.

He must have gotten me once James realized what I was doing.

"Good morning." Troy says as he makes his way over to me.

He's only pain killers and water.

"Is this for me?" I wince in pain.

My head.

"They are and you need the pain killers for your head. The water will just help you." He explained.

Truth is, I know all the tricks to help fix the head aches.

I just play dumb for the sake of it.

Reaching for the medicine and water, Troy watches me carefully.

"What's on your mind?" I ask him right before I swallow the pills.

He sits down beside me on the bed.

"I'm worried about you. You never told me you used to drink." He sounded worried.

I sigh.

I have to tell him.

"When I met James, he was the 'party animal'," I say. "I used to go to his parties; I snuck out. I got drunk because I knew it took the pain away at least for at least a little bit. Sometimes I drank more than other times, it depends. Wether my parents hurt me or Bea did, I would drink more.

"If nothing happened, I still went to have a drink or two." I say.

"How old were you?" He asked.

I tense up.

"It was right when I turned fifteen." I look away from him.

I'm sixteen right now.

"Wait. When did you stop?" Troy looked into my eyes.

"Well when James stopped being my friend, I still went over to his house. The day I met you, I was going to go after school. When I met you, I stopped." I whispered as I look into his eyes.

So green.

His eyes.

"So I helped you basically with a drinking problem?" He asked.

I can't stop looking into his eyes.

I nod.

A smile creeps into his face.

"How's your head?" He asked.

"You want the truth?"

"Yes."

"It hurts like hell." I whine.

He cracks up laughing.

"It's not funny!" I yell at him.

He tries to stop laughing. The key word here is trying.

"I'm sorry babe," he says, "It's just how you said it was so funny."

I look down at my lap. My head is throbbing.

Troy seems to notice how much pain I'm in.

"Let's rest today." He suggested.

I don't complain.

He lifts me up and sets me down on the bed even though I was on it the whole time.

He lays down beside me and turns the tv on, and turning it on low volume.

I cuddle closer to him. Resting my head on his chest, he starts to play with my hair.

He runs his fingers through it. It's so relaxing.

I close my eyes and relax. This is what I needed today.

Troy stops running his finger through my hair. I feel him tense up.

Opening my eyes, I turn around and see Bea.

She is standing in the door frame. Her eyes are red from crying.

My body is frozen.

"May I help you?" I ask.

I don't care if I sound harsh. I have a throbbing headache; that means I'm not in the mood.

"I wanted to know if you were okay." She said softly.

Something hits me in the gut.

Guilt.

It hits me like a truck.

"Oh." Is all I say.

"Yeah." She replies.

"I'm sorry."

I didn't even realize that I just said those two words. This changes everything.

"What?" She asked with hope in her voice.

"I'm sorry for being harsh." I say.

"You don't have to be sorry. I deserve every right for you to be mean to me." She said.

Head

Throbbing.

"We can talk later." I finished this conversation with just a few words.

She nods and walks out the door, shutting it also.

Troy and I lay in silence.

He starts to thread his hands in my hair.

"I'm proud of you, you know." He whispers into my ear.

He then kisses my forehead.

"Why are you proud of me?" I reply.

"You talked to her." He said to me.

I nod.

+++++++++++++++++++

Thinking about what happened with Bea the whole after noon is tiring.

The scene plays over and over again in my brain.

It's on replay!

"What have you been thinking about?" Troy asked me.

"What I said to Bea. It's replaying through my brain," I say, "I just felt guilty at that moment."

"I understand. Why don't I take your mind off of it? Is you headache gone?" He asked.

"It's still here but most of the pain is gone." I explain.

"Good." He said before placing his lips on mine.

My mind is spinning, lost in a dream.

Fireworks make their way through my body making it numb.

He separates from me.

"Better?" He asked as are noses touch.

"Better." I reply breathless.